My Sweet Disaster

[This is the unedited version of the book.]

M Y  S W E E T  D I S A S T E R

[Letter Number Five]

Dear Christian,

I find it beautiful how the water reflects your image. How it can understand your moods, your emotions, every bit of expressions your face make, like an artist. It's the same element that streams down from the eyes then falls down to its core again, mixing and bonding. Call it a circle or whatever you want. It's beautiful, melancholic but precious.

Last word I can say before this is; it was all a disaster and I'm not a warrior. I couldn't be the person I, or you for that matter, wanted to be. I'm truly sorry for that Chris. Forgive me if you can.

I promised you that I will not let that self confidence go, no matter which situation I was going through. You said to me; to be myself, which I couldn't find. Yes, I was lost. This was the only path I could walk to, Chris. I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you a million times. But I knew you'd sacrifice yourself to make me believe again and not a single best friend wants that. I never had the courage to say that I love you. But now it'll be in all these pages, filled with black inks and my tears.

I just wanted to refresh my mind before I do this. This place is my favorite spot and the element in front of me is the thing I fear the most. But today I will embrace my fear and a last lovable goodbye, to you. I wish I could see you right now, give you a one last hug before my soul floats away from my bruised body. But cannot. I'm going to miss our coffee days though. I'm going to miss us in general. I'm going with the hopes that I can forget, not you but I forget why I did what I did. I'm going with the hopes to finally be free. I am going. 

It was all a disaster. However, in the midst of this disaster you were here, a sweetness among all these bitterness.

Goodbye Chris.

Yours Ever,
Aveline