We Can Survive (Carl Grimes Fanfiction)

Chapter 19- An Apology

     I awoke with Trinity's arms cradling me forcefully, temporarily confused.

     I remembered what happened and instantly squeezed my eyes shut again. They ached from crying so persistently. I wanted to go back to sleep. I wanted to escape this hell. Rick was gone and Carl hated me. This was why I wanted to distance myself. Trinity was probably here to keep me from doing anything, which I appreciated. I wouldn't have done anything, though. I was too afraid of pain.

     Then again, maybe she'd just wanted someone to hold. 

     I stayed in Trinity's arms for a long time, wondering how long I'd slept. It appeared to be day. That meant it had either been a few hours or more than 15. How specific.

     When I finally decided to unclench Trinity's arm from my stomach, I sat up and saw Carol sitting in a chair next to the cell door. She looked at me, more exhausted than I'd seen her, and gave a feeble smile. It fell from her face after a moment.

     "Daryl... left. To blow off steam. So did Sasha and Tyreese. That girl, Natalie, doesn't know what happened yet. No one wants to tell her. We just left her in a cell to scream her head off. She fell asleep, thank God. Trinity asked me to stay in here. For her sake and yours."

     I forced myself to talk about him, even though I didn't want to feel the ache of thinking about him,"Is someone watching Carl?"

     "I've been checking on him every ten minutes. He's just laying there. He stopped crying a long time ago," Carol told me in a low voice.

     "Is he," deep breath out. Calm down, Nikki, "Is he okay to talk to?" I asked. I wanted to help him. I wanted to apologize and hug him and try to get his mind off things.

     "I doubt it. No one's tried yet," she admitted, sitting back against the chair she was in. I nodded and crept over Trinity, managing not to wake her up. Did Carl really blame this on me? It was sort of my fault. He would've never left the prison had I not been there.

     No. It was not my fault. He was panicked and had to blame someone. It was no one's fault but the walkers. I assumed that had been what  happened, anyway. Whether it had been a bite or a wound, anything that deep in someone's upper thigh would kill them. Tears forced themselves into my eyes, burning as I refused to let them fall. Why did people have to die?

     It occurred to me that I'd been pacing out in the main room, somehow having carried myself there without noticing. The couch was gone, which knotted my stomach and brought searing bile to my throat. I resisted the temptation to run to Carl. He hated me.

     Instead, I walked out to the fence and grabbed a pointed stick, immediately beginning to stab walkers at the fence. I missed quite a bit due to the tears crawling slowly down my  face. I stopped to wipe my eyes before thinking better of it and letting the tears fall. I didn't need rotten blood on my face.

     "Don't you think it's kind of cruel to kill them at the fence like that?" I glanced over to see the new girl beside me.

     "They don't seem to hesitate before killing in any situation," I mumbled, Rick swishing around my mind as if it were a blender. It hurt like hell to have your mind churning like that.

     "I guess," she admitted, watching me with apparent interest.

     "How's your hangover going?" I asked, allowing myself to change the subject.

     "It's almost gone. I just have a headache kind of," she informed me, still watching as my arm swung at the fence rhythmically.

     "Nice," I said. I didn't really care if the conversation ended. I wasn't really in a mood to be playing nice with strangers.