Memoir

I FEEL LIKE A FOOL

when I started this book this was the first memory I thought about sharing but some recent revelations had changed my view towards this memory and made me feel like the biggest fool of the world,  hence the name but previously this chapter was named "A LOST FRIEND" and with name my feelings are also changed so the chapter is diff from what I had initially envisioned it to be.

So welcome to the world of my bitter and better memories. hope you enjoyed it and can relate to me.

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     This is a memory of my polytechnic days which I joined after completing my matriculation (10th). As I had already told you in previous chapter that during my school life I was a loner and never had any friends.

         I never thought that there will be a time when I would make friends. But with school changing into college my feelings changed too. And for the first time in my life I made friends.

        I did not even realised from where this need for friend came nor I realise when I started calling my classmates friends. It never happened before in my life where I felt a need for someone, but the need was there do was the urge to make friends, and I did made friends. I was not the only one for whom this was strange but for my family too. they never thought I would make friends ever but they were proven wrong for which they were glad.

      With Friends many things came in my life. Having friends changed my life In many ways, the most prominent change was feeling emotion.  emotion I haven't felt in so long. The first emotion was happiness. Spending time with friends, talking to them, fighting with them everything made me happy. I never felt that happy not in at least six years. this happiness was due to my friends Manu and Sonam.

      I considered both Manu and Sonam my first friends, because honestly I don't remember

who was the first one I made friend with. I started talking to both of them at the same time, and it took us only a few days to became friends.

In time we came really close. All three of us  started spending so much time together that in no time we bacame inseparable.

         With my emotions one more thing changed. In all my school life I was never one for talking, be it primary or middle school I never talked but in college yhat changed. Now all we did was talking.

          I remember in school one of my teacher called me and Anu the 'silent duo ' of our class but now in college our trio was declared the most talkative trio. How things changed we don't even realised, It is only now when we look back and see how our behaviour was changed.

         Being talkative had really damaged our reputation, even our teachers were irritated with us because of our continuous chattersin the class during lectures and threatened us sometime with suspension but there threat never hit the mark and we never stopped talking.

        With time we were coming closer and we thought our friendship was strengthen but that was only Sonam and my case but not Manu.

I am not saying that Manu was distancing herself from us, No, we were still together, she still share her feelings with us but its only now that we realised that it was all but a string of lies. If she really was our friend then why she lied to us?

      Every time when she did something wrong she put all the blame on others, aspecially on her cousin, who was our classmate, and we believed her.

I have trusted her blindly and did everything I could have. I can't even count how many times I had faught with her cousin because of her lies.

I remember in third sem when she left college and went back to her home,  we were so hurt. She left without any notice and we couldn't even got to meet her.

           We were so angry with her guardians who had sent her back to her parents. That day when we heard the news of her departure and that she will not come back, was the first day that we ever bunk classes and had gone to her aunt to request them to call her back. We really can't believe the reason she was sent back. That day I felt another emotion, The emotion I never thought I would feel,  The pain of loosing a friend.

    But now that pain had turn into anger as we found out that she was the one at fault and all she ever said were lies, lies we believe

     Before last night for me this was a cherished memory of a lost friend but now its something that reminds me of my own foolishness.

I can't believe we cried for a liar. I was so angry last night when I got the news and realise that everything that happened all those years ago was nothing but a result of her lies. The anger I felt at that moment,  I was fuming. I swear if she was there in front of me I would have killed her, okay I exaggerated I would have definitely slapped her. I was that angry.

        Now I felt happy that she left when she had because if she had made me a fool in only one year. I don't know what she could have made me in two and half year.

       I don't think I ever regretted anything in my life but now I regret making friends with her and believing her blindly. But more than anything else I regret all my fights with her cousin. all those fights were because of Manu's lies.

All these things, all these emotions happiness, sorrow, anger, regret, I had felt for her. From all these emotions regret is the only one I felt right now. But  more than that i feel like a fool.