Chapter 115

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After work Ellie went straight to Mia’s, deliberately without checking her messages. If Mia had left a message saying something nice then Ellie would listen later, and if Mia had left one trying to cancel, Ellie would rather not know. She needed to see Mia. She needed to so much that if Mia wasn’t home, Ellie would wait. She actually expected to wait, since Mia usually worked longer hours than her. She’d expected to be early, and to sit outside for a while, but to her surprise, when she pressed Mia’s buzzer at the building’s front door, the door clicked open.

She went upstairs, to Mia’s front door, and knocked.

Mia opened the door.

“You’re home,” Ellie said, still a little startled.

Mia nodded.

“Can I come in?” Ellie said.

“Of course,” Mia said.

Tasha was in the lounge, staring at the TV. Staring, as if she was trying to pretend she wasn’t there. Ellie had a horrible feeling that meant Mia and Tasha had talked, and that Tasha knew what was going on.

Ellie said hi anyway. She said hi, and felt brave for doing it, and then said to Mia, “Your room?”

Mia nodded, so Ellie followed Mia down the hallway and into Mia’s bedroom. She pushed the door closed behind them.

“About yesterday…” Mia said, but Ellie kissed her.

Ellie kissed her to shut her up.

“Oh,” Mia said, and kissed back, and Ellie was relieved.

She was so relieved she almost wanted to cry. If they were kissing, this wasn’t over, not right away. They still had time to work things out. Ellie might not know what she wanted, and it might not end up being what she did, but kissing was something.

They were something to each other if they were still kissing.

“Want sex?” Ellie whispered, impatient. “Please?”

“What?” Mia said.

“Sex?” Ellie said. “Now.”

“Why are you asking?”

Ellie shrugged. She didn’t really know. Because they might still be fighting, she supposed, and because Mia might not want to yet. And because Mia saying no to a question would hurt less than her actually pushing Ellie away.

“Can we?” Ellie said. “Please?”

“Of course.”

“Good,” Ellie whispered. “I’m glad.”

She kissed Mia hungrily, desperate, needing this more than she could stand. She kissed Mia, and started taking off her clothes. Sex might not be a relationship, it might not be them being together completely, but it was them, her and Mia, it was what they were, and what they’d always been, and if Mia still wanted to, that meant that everything was at least partly all right.

“Are you okay?” Mia said, kissing.

“Because yesterday?”

“Because how you’re being now.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yep,” Ellie said. “Fuck me.”

Mia started undressing, but too slowly for Ellie. Ellie yanked at Mia’s jeans, and got them off enough she could kneel down and start licking Mia. She licked, and pulled Mia over to the bed, and took the rest of her clothes off, and licked some more.

It was good. It was what they were. Sex was everything it had always been between them, and Ellie was terribly glad.

Ellie went down on Mia, and made Mia come, and then she kept licking. She didn’t want to stop yet. She wanted them to fuck each other into exhaustion before they talked. Hopefully before either of them actually said another word. Ellie licked Mia, determined not to stop, but after a while, perhaps being fair, perhaps just having had too much, Mia turned Ellie over and licked her too, until Ellie had come as well. Ellie half-expected them to stop then, and was almost ready to, except that Mia seemed to have had the same idea as Ellie, of exhausting sex before talking. Or perhaps she just wanted more sex.

Mia kept going, and didn’t seem to care when Ellie gasped, “I won’t again, don’t worry about me.”

“You will,” Mia whispered, and licked, and soon Ellie changed her mind and wanted more as well.

She wanted to lick Mia more, except that her mouth had started to hurt, and except she was too happy and smug and lazy to give head well anyway. Instead, she pulled Mia up herself, pulled Mia’s legs between her own, and whispered, “Fuck me.”

Mia did. Mia slid against Ellie, and Ellie lay beneath her stroking and touching and feeling and watching. She felt Mia and wanted her. After a while Mia tried to turn them over and show Ellie how to fuck too, but Ellie wasn’t really interested. Not right then. She liked being underneath, and Mia doing it to her. She liked being fucked, and moving only just enough to feel everything herself.

“I’ll show you,” Mia said, “Just try.”

Ellie shook her head. “Any time you need me to I’ll use my mouth,” she said.

“Need you to?”

“Yeah. If you ever do. If you need me to make you come, I’ll use my mouth.”

Mia was looking at her, moving slowly.

“I will,” Ellie said. “Every time. I promise.”

“That’s so sexy,” Mia whispered, and moved herself against Ellie, and it took Ellie a moment to realize, but Mia was making herself come. Because of what Ellie had just said, Ellie assumed. Because it turned her on, or she was proving something, or Ellie didn’t know what.

She thought it was funny that Mia was.

Mia did, gasping into Ellie’s mouth as she kissed, and Ellie wanted to hold her and laugh. Again Ellie thought they were finished, but again Mia kept going. Mia kept fucking Ellie until Ellie had come again too, even though she kept protesting that she wouldn’t. She did. She came, feeling tender and grateful because Mia had made it happen. Feeling fond of Mia’s mouth on her neck and Mia’s fingers inside her and Mia’s leg pressed against her pussy. Feeling fond of Mia’s enthusiasm for her, and Mia whispering how much she wanted Ellie and that could feel Ellie wet on her leg, whispering it right as Ellie was almost there, so Ellie thought of Mia and legs and fucking that way as she began to come.

Ellie came, remembering everything this was, and everything she was doing, and suddenly she wanted it more than she could stand. She wasn’t scared of Mia saying no, not any more. She was still confused about what she wanted, and what Mia wanted too, but she wasn’t scared, not after sex like that.

She lay there breathless, panting, knowing she couldn’t lose Mia. Even if they decided this was all they were, even if they were sex and friends and nothing else, Ellie needed this. Whatever it was, which she didn’t quite understand, she couldn’t bear to lose this wonderful thing they had.

She lay on Mia’s bed, sweaty, her skin all slippery and warm and bare. She lay sprawled and languid, exhausted by sex, gently stroking Mia.

She felt Mia, and looked at Mia, and Mia was so herself, so sexy, that Ellie almost wanted to start again. She hadn’t quite got used to that part, the just starting, and that they could and didn’t need to wait. She wasn’t used to it, but suddenly she wanted to. She wanted to, and almost did, except that she was tired. She was tried, and more sex felt a little like showing off, and she really did want to talk and make sure they were fine. She’d only wanted to fuck enough to make them happy, to remind them both this was good, not so much they were exhausted and too tired for any conversation at all. Not so much they got into a pattern of fucking endlessly, night after night, and never talking, so nothing ever got resolved between them.

Ellie was relaxed, happily worn out, and she thought Mia was too. She was about to say something, to ask how Mia was, and if they were all right, but to her surprise Mia spoke first.

Mia asked first, and Ellie was a little surprised, but very glad as well.

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