Tales From the Cave-Wally and the Magic Lamp

Prince Charming

Kamobye sat on his golden throne, indulging in his favorite hobby—organizing his collections. He owned many collections. He had a collection of classic literature books, a collection of works of arts, even a collection of trinkets, one from every single country in the world, from Israel to the United States. Right now, he was in the middle of arranging his collection of tiny animal porcelain figures.

He had only just finished when the doors to the throne room flew open with a loud bang. Vizier Vertigo strode towards the King in a flurry of gold and forest green. "Your Majesty! I have done it!" "Done what?" Vertigo grinned knowingly. "I do believe I have found the solution to your daughter's refusing to marry." Kamobye sat up a little bit straighter. "You have? Tell me! Tell me!"

With a flourish of his wrist, Vertigo unfurled a very long scroll, so long that it trailed onto the floor. "It took me all night, but I have uncovered a long-lost ancient law." He turned his attention to the scroll, secretly pretending to translate the Arabic writings on it. "It says, in the event that a Royal Princess has not selected a husband from any of the presented suitors by the due time, than it falls on the King himself to select one on her behalf."

Kamobye frowned. "But...but I can't.", he said softly. "Artemis can be difficult, but she's my daughter, through and through." "So?" "So, she despised all of those suitors. The last thing I want to do is force her to spend the rest of her life with somebody she can't stand." "But there's more, Your Majesty!"

Vertigo continued to fake-translate. "If for any reason the King cannot choose a suitor, then, by ancient law, the Royal Princess is obligated to wed..."  He trailed off, surprise taking over his features. "Well, this is most interesting." Kamobye stood on his feet. "What?! What is it?!"  Vertigo grinned like a snake.  "It says that the Princess must be married to the King's Royal Vizier.  Why, that would be...me."

Kamobye furrowed his brow.  "Really?  It says that?"  He took the scroll from Vertigo, squinting his eyes to examine the words more closely.  "But I was certain that the law said that only a prince could marry...are you sure there isn't some sort of mistake?" Vertigo rolled the scroll back up before Kamobye could get a good look at it. "Desperate times call desperate measures, M'Lord."

He blinked twice, and his eyes turned from teal green to golden red. He made direct eye contact with the King. "Look deep into my eyes." Kamobye blinked, his eyes, too, becoming as red as the fires of hell. "Now repeat after me.", Vertigo hissed. "You will order the Princess to marry me." Kamobye answered drowsily, "I will...order the Princess...to marry..." He blinked, his eyes going back their normal color. "But you're so much older than—"

"The Princess will marry me!", Vertigo hissed, glaring harder at Kamobye, whose eyes reddened once again. "The Princess...will marry..." He was cut off by the sound of blaring of trumpets. He blinked multiple times, his eyes returning to normal, and scrambled out of his seat. "What's that?" He hurried out of the throne room and onto the balcony.

Below him, a jaw-dropping parade was making it's way through the streets of Timoria. The grand spectacle consisted of hundreds of belly dancers, thousands of servants and lackeys, and at least a million different exotic animals. Kamobye leaned in, cupping a hand around his ear to hear better. "Make way!", a million voices called out. "Make way for Prince William!"

The people gathered around in the streets to get a glimpse of this new royal. Everyone was in complete and utter awe as some of the people from the parade broke away to talk to the peasants about their master. "He once faced the galloping hordes all alone!", said the tall, blue-eyed knight leading the armies. "And still emerged victorious!" "Just a year ago, he literally slew a hundred villains with swords singlehandedly!", said a redheaded lady-in-waiting.