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the sound of a shattering soul!!!

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MANIK POV

'' I am ending everything between us and I don't wanna see your face anymore. Whatever was there is now over between us, now you are free, free to F#CK whoever you want. I don't care anymore.'' She downpour those words venomously and throw the engagement ring on my face and walk away with the most shattering pain on her face. I wanted to run, run after her,to stop her from leaving me but my legs weren't working, they frozen at the spot. My world was shattering with a loud horrible sound with my soul and heart. My world was ending in front of my eyes but I felt like I don't have control over it, I cant save my world from collapsing. I think , doomsday will actually feel like this nevertheless it feels like my doomsday.

I was hesitant still I kneeled down on the floor staring the engagement ring and lifted it from the ground to confirm myself that whatever I saw wasn't a dream but reality. I don't know how much I hope that it wont be true but after feeling the cold shinning metal in my hands I realised whole nightmares were true. And then my eyes fallen on something yellow lying beside me a little far on the ground, my favorite lilies lying there on the ground. I extended my shivering hands to grab those precious flower and feeling its softness in my hand i lost it. I lost everything in me. I felt an unbearable pain in my chest after a very long time. I felt hollow.

My cheeks suddenly felt wet and my vision got blur making me confused but where I touched my cheeks, I realized it was tears. My  tears. The ruthless Manik Malhotra's tears. It  has been 11 years when I last cried. But the thing is why I am crying. I am sure, I cared for her, obsessing over her, but it doesn't mean one should cry. No? Then why the hell I am crying.

It isn't like I loved her or something, it was just obsession, right? Then why the hell I am crying. May be its because no girl ever walked over me and Nandini is the first one. I never got ditched by any girl before but Nandini.

My eyes fallen over the yellow lilies again in my hands and I felt my heart shattering even more. She walked over me like this crumbled flowers.

I never thought I will loose something like this in my life and will feel like shit. I am feeling like shit right now. I mean why?why something like this always happen to me? whenever I try to amend my self and move on from my past, to be a better person. God always have to destroy it and once again he proved it.

I accept, I cheated on Nandini , broken her trust,hurted her, I committed a sin. She was too innocent to face all this, for my cruelty towards her. But I was helpless, helpless against my past, my past never leaved me. My past devils always chasing behind me and I was a puppet in my past's hands. There was no one in my past to guide me, to correct my mistakes, to show me the right path, tell me the difference between right and wrong. I was this lonely depressed child, who found himself falling in a darker hole everyday. But I know , I cant use my past suffering as an excuse  after toying with innocent feeling, I should have put a stop to all this, taken my step back from attaching her more towards me but I was selfish, she is the only best thing happened to my life. When I lost my music and darkness engulfed me thoroughly , she came as a light but my man ego never let that light lit my dark present for the bright future . Ofcourse I kept that light only for me and just used her warmth to comfort me because I was scared of darkness and never let that light reach too near me. I thought it will burn me, if I will ever let come it closer . I was afraid of her love but now I realized I did a mistake, a biggest mistake now she is taking her warmth away from me leaving me cold and in dark again. But I wont let that happen, not when I decided to change for her and   was embracing everything whatever she was trying to shower over me, not when I was trying to mend our broken relationship willingly and was preparing myself for our future.