Butterfly Wishes

12 - Caleb - Dead On The Inside

Chapter 12: Dead On The Inside

[Caleb]

"So, about this girl you mentioned... Do we know her?"

Keeping Jade all to myself is not possible, I know this, but for some reason I don't feel like sharing her with my friends. After all, Jade is the only small part that brightens my days lately and I fear that if I start sharing things about her, I might lose that feeling. It is ridiculous, I know, but I just can't help it. Then again, it starts to feel like I have lost her already.

I shake my head at Cody. "I don't think so."

"Then when will we meet her? She has got you all wrapped up around her little finger. You should bring her with you sometime." Cody leans closer and bumps his  elbow to Felix, as if to share an inside joke. "Unless, of course, you are afraid she will like one of us better? Huh. Is that it?"

I try to picture Jade with Cody and burst out laughing. Maybe he isn't aware of this fact, but Cody really isn't a catch, he just isn't good material for Jade - for any girl, in fact. Felix on the other hand, well, he is a somewhat decent guy. From what I can tell by being friends with him for several years, he is dedicated and it definitely looks like he might make a good career for himself in the future.  The same can not be said about Cody.

"Really, Cody, that is the least one of my fears. A better reason perhaps for not bringing her along to meet you guys is that I'd rather not have her associate me with you, Cody. Did you ever think of that?"

Felix laughs out loud, nearly choking on his beer.

Thinking of Jade stings, though, because I haven't spoken to her in days. Deep down, I know this isn't normal and I should really worry about the lack of hearing from her, but I am afraid of the answers I might get when I start asking questions.

For once, in a very long time, life started to look up - and this was all because of her.

Maybe I rushed that kiss on her? Maybe I scared her off by going too fast? But not moving forward had not seemed possible either, for in the short time I got to know her, I felt that connection between us grow. After having met her the first time, merely knowing her for a couple of hours, that connection had sprung to life and only grew stronger since then. And because I thought we were doing great and something more than just friendship was blooming between us, I took a chance. Closing that distance between us had felt like the perfect thing to do. It had felt so natural to lock my lips with hers... my gut feeling turned out to be wrong - oh so wrong.

The first moment I realized my mistake was when after that first blissful moment, shortly after we parted, Jade's happy expression fell. In fact, the sad look in her eyes just about broke my heart.

Gulping down three-quarters of my beer, I try to drown the aching in my chest, the blame directed at myself for screwing everything up.

Loud laughter erupts from the other side of the room and the three of us turn around to see what table is responsible for the turmult.

"Can we get another round over here?" One of the guys at the table raises his empty glass. Behind the bar, I can see Robert roll his eyes, but he doesn't seem to mind. The loud ones usually bring in the most money, and Robert does love a steady income.

"I will be there in a sec," Robert lifts his chin at the group and hands a beer bottle to one of the costumers sitting at the bar.

Turning back around to my friends, I see Felix acknowledge one of the guys at the loud table and I look over my shoulder to see which one he knows.

When I spot the familiar face, I grunt. The others don't hear it over the noise though, which saves me from having to explain my dislike towards Landon.