Pitter Patter || Bucky Barnes

chapter 14

(Bucky's pov)

(Y/N) was getting really mad at Tony, and it was setting me off seeing her like this. This wasn't her. I don't know why she would get so upset over me. She needed to calm down so I gently grabbed her arm in front of me.

"You get your hands off her!" Tony yelled, prying me off of (Y/N), like I was some sort of disease.

"Stop!" (Y/N) shoved Tony's chest away from her.

"Get out of here," Tony's eyes blazed against mine, "Now!"

I didn't want anyone to get upset. I never wanted to. I guess that just what I do. The moment I step around people, everything goes to nothing. (Y/N) looked so tense I barely recognized her. I couldn't bare to see her not herself. Tony was right. I was a monster. I did this to (Y/N) and I should have known better than to fall in love with her. She was better off on her own. I could see what effect I had on her. She was too caring to just let me get beat up verbally by Tony, but it was just too much for me. I stealthily sneaked out of the room and ran down the hall.

I had to get away. I needed (Y/N) to cool off so that we could part ways humanely. I need to calm down as well. I felt my face getting hot. But not in a mad way. Not in the way that Hydra made me feel after each day. In a sad way. A way that made your face so hot and swelled that you wanted to burst out in tears. A way that made your heart bubble over and melt away forever.

I ran out of the glass doors and to the field that (Y/N) and I watched before. It reminded me so much of where I lived before Brooklyn. It was surprising that I did remember. It triggered my memory, but in a good way this time.

The field made me feel calm and relaxed, and comforted, like being wrapped in a big hug. It made me feel at peace with myself, like nothing was wrong. Like nothing has ever been wrong. It made me feel like everything was perfect in the world.

I think (Y/N) was like my field. Calming and caring. Making everyone around her feel at ease, except for maybe this past day. Her embrace made all my troubles and worries go away. Her giggle made me smile in an involuntary way that caused my heart to patter.

I jogged around the facility to the side under our window. I sat down with my back against the wall. The chilled air was striking against my heated cheeks.

I couldn't hold it anymore. I let it all out. I cried until my face felt like it was going to burst. I tried to remain silent, but my emotions seemed to come up my throat and push out groans of sorrow. But it didn't matter anymore. I was going to cry and cry until it got dark. The sun was setting and if (Y/N) were here right now she'd probably tell me how beautiful it was. Then she'd giggle at how cheesy she sounded, and then whine about how much she hated her laugh.

The wind was cooling my warm tears as they streams down my face and dripped onto my green shirt. I tried to take deep breathes and slow myself, but every time I thought about it, I though about (Y/N) and how she must have been feeling. How much she must have cared to stay with a monster like me. I didn't deserve that. And I know she doesn't deserve someone so filled with sorrow as me.

Except that I wasn't anymore. For as short of a time that (Y/N) and I had together, my sorrow wasn't here. But Tony was smart and could see deep past that, and was just stopping something from happening before it got too far.

I rested my arms across my knees and hung my head between them. My eyes were sore from crying and it felt like they were so swollen they were going to pop out of their sockets.

I was going to miss (Y/N) so much. I was going to miss the way she giggled. And the way she hated how it sounded. How smoothly her voice was when she said my name. I'll remember the way she looked when she slept and how tightly she held onto me when she was. I'll miss the way she would play with my hair, making me go limp. And her smile. Oh her smile. I will miss that a lot too.

What I'll miss the most is something that never actually happened, something that I never got to do. I imagined it in my head last night while she was laying next to me. I was going to wait until after dinner, take her down to this field and lay down on a blanket and watch the stars with her. And then I would tell her how I felt. 'You might not feel the same way, but it has been eating away at me and I have to tell you. I'm in love with you (Y/N).' Then she would kiss me and everything would be okay. She wouldn't be just a caretaker anymore. She'd be more than that. I wanted her to be more than that the minute she walked back into that lab.

Now that I think about it, I might just be as cheesy as she was.

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Hey everyone!! This chapter is completely in Bucky's point of view, which I love doing because I feel like you can really know what he's thinking. Comment and tell me how you guys like it or if you have any suggestions for me! Thanks to everyone reading this, I really appreciate it!!💕💕