Ginger

What is this?

            When Leslie had rejected me, when he stayed away from me it hurt. I knew in my heart time had passed and when he found me with Him I had smashed his heart. I guess I thought in the five years we had been apart he might have forgiven me and let me back in. I loved him. I hadn't known that when he knocked that night. I loved him still.

            I cried and held onto my pillow thinking that night that no one would ever love me and live. Talon, Mama, my twin. My father abandoned us, Leslie didn't love me anymore. That's how they had lived. Even He had died for loving me. I guess in reality it was him not loving me that did him in. All the same though, everyone who I cared about and who cared about me died.

            Why did they have to send Les? they knew how bad things were when I left. Of all the people who could have told me Talon was gone they had to send him. With that ugly representation of my past too. I hated them all. I wanted to go and scratch the "E" on their chests. Not to show how they had called me evil and made me feel evil but to show how evil THEY were. How could they send Leslie?

            Leslie though was giving me mixed signals to though, so many he sent them mixed ones. The way he kissed me made no sense when he rejected me, did he really not love me anymore? Had a I hurt him so bad he no longer wanted to be mine? Then another thought climbed into my head. Maybe he was just concerned because tomorrow would be a stressful day and he wanted a clear head. I above anyone else should understand that. Back when I was part of the resistance group with Les I would send everyone away for the day before the attack, but as I got older and spent more time alone I realised before an attack I wanted to be surrounded by people. I did not want to be alone.

            Leslie back when we were together insisted on being around many people, maybe he'd made the same change I had, or maybe he thought I still wanted to be alone. Suddenly I had the desire to run out there and insist he talk to me and not let me be alone.

            "Les!" I cried as I left my room, "Les?" I called again as silence met me. I looked around the apartment, in the kitchen, checked the bathroom, no one. The spare bed room had been left open. There was no one but me. Afraid I had dreamed it I checked for Leslie's stuff. It was there. I started to cry again, had I scared him off? Had he left without even a note?

            I lay in the spare bed my face buried in his shirt, trying to get his scent when I heard the door start to open. I held my breath and lay still. I could hear someone walking and then without turning on the light someone lay in bed next to me. I did not move even though I knew I wasn't wanted here. When I heard the sounds of a man trying to hold it together I wrapped my arms around Leslie. All I did was hold him. I did not try to go any farther.