✯ Twas The Night Before Christmas ✯

Big Red's Revenge?

✯ Twas The Night Before Christmas ✯

2013 Copyright © All Right Reserved

Big Red's Revenge?

On a cold dark December night toward the end of the month. A vampire, werewolf, evil witch, fae, and troll conspired to capture and restrain a certain rosy big red and white clad man set atop a reindeer pulled sleigh. It was an inky black night nigh a cloud in the sky, the moon even hid from the sight of the terrible trouble waiting a certain big fellow down below.

The planning stages had been going on since the last holiday season and his lack of attendance at each of their abodes. It was deemed time to finally take action against one vengeful fat elf and his nine noxious reindeer. The most troublesome of all; the head one, old sparky, Mr. light me up. Rudolph. With that damn bright light of his lighting up everything in the whole damn area; what is a decent vampire to do about a good Christmas eve dinner? And scaring off all the rabbits from the poor werewolves; how are they supposed to support a family with no Christmas dinner then next day I ask you? And don't let me get started on the witch, fae and troll those poor three, they never get a visit from the big guy in red.

Now you see the reason for the big plans to set asunder the man in red. A simple plan to show the big guy that he is being very unfair in his discrimination practices against who he feels is naughty and nice. There may be extenuation circumstances in play, which they plan to show him first hand. Or not.

The trap was set, The group was hiding in and around good old pure of heat Snow Whites house. That bitch never does anything wrong and seems to get everything she ever asks the big guy in red for no matter how big or small it is. Off in the distance as is every year in the past, high up in the sky, miles off—scaring the besiegers out of all the furry creatures in the forest down below—thanks to that million watt red candle of his. And worst off the sound of that whip cracking in the air over the heads of all nine of them stinky hay eating, poop laying over everything, god-forsaking damn reindeer of his, and the big man himself screaming out Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas every few seconds.

Before he could even get within a mile of Snow's house all the furry little creatures made for the hills and burrows in preparations for his damn noisy arrival. He even scared the one meager tender morsel of a meal the vampire was thinking of stepping away for back into their house—as always—damn him!

The sleigh landed with a plop heavily down upon the roof straddling the peak, so we waited for the big fat red guy to get off with his pack and turn away from us all to head for the chimney. That was out queue, we sprung our trap on the big guy. A grate went up over the chimney top to block his escape down thru it, then a net went up over him. Caught in our snare, ropes pulled tight cinching him tightly down to the roof.

We were all up there in a flash surrounding the big guy in red and white flattened to the roof minus his big bundle of extravagant trinkets for poor Snow. Once we were all in place and sure he was secures so we could have our chat and not be bothered we began our round robbin of discussions.

The vampire started it off. “Hey, big red what gives with you?” She squatted down to his eye level. Miss. Vampie was a sexy looking thing in her own right—with her big boobs and skinny assed waist. “Every year it is the same thing. We put in our requests, and you pass us over?” We chose her as out spokes Vamp/Woman to do all the talks because if that didn't work out in our favor she could as a last straw us her compulsion on the big guy we hoped. “So? What is you reasons? Huh big guy?” She huffed out.

“Ho, Ho, Ho,” He started as always. “Let me up if you want to talk Madam Lillith.” He all but huffed out smoke rising from that damned corn cobbed pipe sticking out of his mouth. Evidently he never got the notice that smoking was bad for your health—or second hand smoke for that matter—darn elves and it-won't-happen-to-me. He struggled against his bonds that bound him to the roof. We were not stupid enough to release him—not with that North Pole Power if released.

“Talk big guy. I asked you a question. Why single us out and give your dear Snow down here everything her hearts desire?”

“Huff.” Another big puff of smoke went up in the air. Damn him and his chimney smoking. “For one thing your always taking thing without asking, another all this killing of my furry friends, and charging people to cross bridges that are free and clear to travel across.” Again with the huffing and puffing of smoke. I have a good mind to snatch that damn corn cob pipe right out of his mouth. One more time he blows smoke up my face see if I don't do it. “And... That witch... Brook Hilda, yeah you and your candy corn house and lolly-pop fence. I know were you live. Giving candy to all the kids in the neighborhood causing the all those cavities. Shame on you!” He puffed out another giant puff of smoke, I snatched the damn pipe right out of his mouth and crushed it in my hand—we vampire are really g that way—damned if another one didn't appear back into his mouth puffing right back up.

“That's enough!” I shouted. “Look I know where you come from you have everything thing a man could ever ask for—food, drink, a big house, people to wait on you hand and foot. But here in the real world we have to do things the hard way—unlike Snow White down there—we do thing differently. I compel so people don't fear so when I drink of my life giving essence they don't fear of me, our wolfie friend here.” I patter the werewolf on the back. “He only kills rabbits for food for his family to eat and survive, the call of the wild. It is only natural to survive and feed his family of four. You big red deny his two little children their due toys.” I let slip a forced tear not easy for a vampire. “Now our friend here the troll who you say steals from people crossing the bridge has a permit to charge a fee to everyone who crosses.” I smugly laughed into the face of big red who puffed out another grudgingly dark cloud of smoke. “So you see not all is as it seems there old I-Will-Decide-Who-Is-Naughty-Or-Nice!” I think by the looks of the expression of his face I may have made a point.

“Ho, Ho, Ho,” Again with all that Hoing. “You have made your point Madam Lillith I may have been a tad rash in my judgments so it seems. But that is neither here not there at the moment. You all have gone about it the wrong way, so, this year there will be no presents still.” He huffed out an enormous puff of smoke that covered the entire roof. When it dissipated he was no longer under the net but standing upon his sleigh. “I will though reconsider my errors for the past and grant you all one request each tonight in your sleep back in your homes. To all of you a good night.” He said.

And just as that damn sleigh was taking to the skies wouldn't you know it that freaking damn Rudolph up front light blinding everyone, decided to unload a weeks worth of digested hay down on everyone. If I would have had a tazer I would have given it to him good for that one. Damn Sparky.

“Well guys I guess we should head on home we did what we came to do and frankly I stink and want out of these stinking clothes. I think I will burn them as soon as I get them off of me. See ya later.” Flash I was gone before anyone could say another word that shit stunk that bad.

“Well I guess Lillith is right. Let's heads on home. Bye guys.” The fae who never talks up waved at everyone winked out of sight also.

The rest did as the fae, dispersed off of Snow White's roof, leaving behind all the junk they used to capture big red and Snow's bag of presents. Looks like Prince Charming will be busy in the morning and with a big snow storm coming by day break. Funny for once.

The End.

Yule/Christmas 2013

By: LadyDawn