Rhapsody

- THE ABSURDLY CATASTROPHIC LIFE OF ASTER RIVERS [Old/Incomp.] -

WELCOME TO THE OLD VERSION OF "THE ABSURDLY CATASTROPHIC LIFE OF ASTER RIVERS". For those who enjoyed my first draft, here it is (mostly) :)

 [word count: 51k]

WARNING: INCOMPLETE. THERE IS NO SEQUEL. WILL NOT BE FINISHED, EVER. Seriously, it's not finished - neither is the new version - which has now since been removed from Wattpad - and this ends on a cliffhanger - so seriously, don't read this if you can't get over cliffhangers!

Also, I wrote this in my early teens, so it's really, really, terrible...

//

Chapter One.

Here's the problem: in nearly every teenage-romance story ever written, the protagonist always meets a cute boy in a cute place – for example, a quaint little café. Or, if she's a nerd – which she almost always is – the library, or the bookstore.

In real life? Hot guys never go to those places; they'll go to Starbucks or Blenz, where there's more of a chance of catching some equally-hot blonde whom they'll proceed to flirt outrageously with. But the quiet places, like those so-called "hipster" cafés or libraries? The population is 90% average and 10% downright nerd.

(I actually saw a specimen of the stereotypical nerd the other day: glasses, pimples, braces, the whole package.)

Of course, I am one of the rare species of human that prefers to frequent facilities where I can read a book in peace. Which leads me to the argument I'm having with Kiera, right about...

"You need to go out more! Come party with us!"

...now.

I rubbed my forehead in frustration. "Kiera! I'm not interested! I'm busy, okay? I've got library books to return and homework to do and - "

"You're always doing homework," she grumbled, crossing her arms and pouting.

But we both know I've won.

I give her a grin. "Aw, come on. I need to be the smart one, remember? Who else is going to help you with that book report? What, are you actually going to read The Iliad all by yourself?"

"Who's the ill lad?" She had a genuine look of curiosity – the furrowed eyebrows, the innocent, doe-like eyes.

I mentally facepalmed myself. "See what I mean, Kier? You don't even know what you're reading in English class! Besides, why do you want me there? You know I'm just going to deter you from hooking up with your precious Chase Harrington."

Kiera's heart-shaped face went a hilarious shade of crimson. "Shh!" She hissed, looking around the crowded hallway as though the object of her fantasies could appear at any moment. "Don't be so loud! And okay, you're right, but doing homework isn't going to help you find your own Prince Charming!"

I stared at her. "Um, did I say I wanted one?"

She scowled at me prettily. This was another one of the arguments we frequently had. Here's a list of them:

Topics Kiera and I Frequently Argue About:

1.     My dislike of social activities.

2.     My dislike of teenagers in general, with two exceptions.

3.     My love of reading.

4.     My love of staying at home.

5.     My dislike of sports.