Rhapsody

//12: glass.

it is summer, and there is a sun in the sky
that shoots arrows of silver and gold that reflect off the silken mirror
that lies atop the deep oceans; and it almost hurts my eyes,
but i watch the sailboat in the distance, carefully.

he is there and i am here

the light jumps of something else, that's a lot closer.

i pause, and look down.

beside my foot is a shard of
                                                   glass.
                                         silver glass
                                        mirror glass
                               old looking glass
a fragment
                    broken piece
                                            from somewhere.

that evening we cook dinner together,
and we sit out in the sand dunes and we eat it;
and afterwards we wash our hands in the ocean and we lie down and watch the stars.

a canopy of infinite stars 

{ and i am happy and you are happy and we are happy }

"i'm leaving soon," he says,
and in that second the canopy shatters and everything falls.
                                                                                                   falls.

"come with me," he says,
and in that second the canopy mends itself but then shatters again.
                                                                                                             again.

"you've finished university, haven't you? this was your last year?"

nod.

"come to the mainland with me,
                                                         and we'll start a new life together."

"i don't want to leave."

he stares at me.

"you're staying here?"

"yes."

"forever?"

"yes."

"is that what you really want?"

"yes."

"why?"

"i need to be near the sea."

"we can live by the coast, on the mainland. there are beaches there."

"it's not the same ocean, lowell."

"does it really matter?"

"yes." 

and i am angry because i thought you had understood and that was the only reason
i had let you in
                       kiss me
                       love me
                                      the stars whispered.

"i don't understand," he whispers.

"it's okay," i whisper back,
                                              but it's not.

you                                           up
       are                          wake     
              gone              i
                        before

but i'm still going to stay here forevermore,
and i know i'll only ever live on this island, by this beach,
in this house with the walls like faded blue eyes;
and every summer i'll watch the sunlight dance off the ocean
and i'll sit in the tall grasses and wait for your red pickup truck

even though i know you'll never come

maybe i should've told you love you,
                                                                 because now you'll never come.