Beautifully Damaged

8. Alone

I felt like a restless mother who just left their baby with the babysitter for the first time. If that wasn't enough, Bear's absence made me feel beyond vulnerable. Darkness pulled at the world with inky black fingers, slowly consuming everything in sight. The windows of the car succumbed to the fog clinging to them. My agitation wouldn't cease. Sharp pain spread through my bottom lip, accompanied by the taste of copper. Quickly I swiped the blood away with the back of my hand.

            "Are you going to be like this all night?" Morgan asked, shooting me a pointed glance.

            I squashed the spiteful retort that boiled in my stomach. "I'm sorry, I just... I haven't been out without him before." It was a pathetic excuse to anyone else, but not for me. Bear was the only one I'd been able to fully count on since I woke up, and having him away from me felt like torture.

            "Then it'll be good for you to go out with a bunch of friends without him as your crutch," She countered, none too nicely.

            Quelling a sigh, I sank down further in my cool leather seat and leaned against the window. No one else understood. How could they when I could barely accept it myself? "I'm sorry, Morgan." I whispered, assuming that she'd understood what I was talking about. It wasn't fair on her that I was being like this, especially when she was trying to bump up my social life.

            One of her too-black-to-be-real eyebrows rose momentarily, "Don't worry about it."

            At that moment, I didn't know whether she was talking about leaving Bear at home or being cranky about it. I knew that I was being far too nervous about this; it wasn't as if anything was going to be dangerous or frightening- I hoped. "What are we doing?"

            Morgan gave me a quick look, "We're going out, remember?"

            Sighing, I turned my eyes away from the dark street and faced her, "Yes, I know, spare me the sarcasm," I wondered how we became friends for a fleeting moment and then turned the thoughts away. "Seriously, where are we going?"

            Morgan flicked spiky black hair out of her eyes and smiled ever so slightly, "Oh, just the lake."

            It didn't exactly sound right, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't shake the feeling of panic pressing in on my chest, crushing the air out of me. I took a silent, shuddering breath and tried to calm myself. Why couldn't I just enjoy myself for one night?

 ***

            The dark of night had long swallowed the world by the time we arrived at the lake. Orange and red licked at the sky from the sandy banks. Silhouetted shapes milled around the bonfire, casting long shadows on the pale ground. Morgan brought the car to a stand still among a few others in the parking lot and hopped out, heading toward the small gathering, and leaving me on my own.

For a moment, I sat in the silence of the car and watched as Morgan so easily slipped into the group, instantly having people to talk to. I didn't know what it was that made it so easy for her. What made it so hard for me? My hands ached, bringing me back to my present state. I'd been wringing them in my worrisome thoughts. Taking a calming breath, I swung the car door open and approached the group.

The flickering light kept everyone's features uncertain. I kind of hoped that it would do the same for me. Swallowing, I took the last tentative steps into the gathering. Of course, unlike Morgan, a rush of people didn't come to greet me. It couldn't be that easy, could it? Instead I stood, uncertain, at the edge of the bonfire's warm reach. No one took any notice of me, and not for the first time that night, I wanted to go home.