My Everything (Septiplier Story)

01 Giving Up

Mark awoke feeling rested yet simultaneously pained after having cried himself to sleep. The emotions after last night's session were still tight in his chest, and his mind was foggy from grief. Three days. It had been three days since Jack's video had gone up, and Mark broke down. Three days of laying in bed crying, of avoiding the world. No videos, no Twitter, nothing, three days of silence. Desperately trying to fall asleep and leave his pain behind, he prayed that when he woke, it was in his dream world. The world where Seán was waiting for him, asking him to count the stars. He no longer cared about this reality; nothing was here for him. Nothing mattered but living in his own little world where he could hold the man he loved and be loved back.

With a sigh, he stood slowly, stretching out his muscles to alleviate some of the tightness in his chest, reaching his arms high above his head. After scratching his noggin, messing up his already messed-up hair, he reached over and grabbed his phone off its charger.

After making it to his kitchen, he started a pot of coffee. He knew he'd have to deal with life eventually, but he just didn't want to yet. His phone, which he had set on the counter, sat there as if taunting him. Every time he glanced at it, it was as if it was yelling at him to pick it up and deal with all the messages. The comments from his fans wanting to know where he was, friends who noticed for a while now that he hasn't been okay, wanting to know how he's doing today. Then there was Jack. The man, who had no idea, no clue what it was, was slowly driving Mark farther and farther away. Mark had been trying so hard to get them together, but it was to no avail. Jack had his girlfriend Ally, and after his video, Mark was left with no doubt that he didn't stand a chance.

Knowing he couldn't avoid it any further, he picked up his phone and woke it with the push of a button. Of course, the first notification was from the Irishman himself. Wondering if he was feeling okay. He was worried about him. Mark hadn't spoken to him in a while. It had hurt too much. Seeing his smile, hearing his beautiful voice, get lost in that laugh. It was all too much. He couldn't handle it anymore.

Hey bud, you doing okay? Haven't heard from ya in a while. Jack had sent him.

He wasn't sure how to respond. How do you tell the love of your life they're why you've been absent from the world?
Just taking a break. He typed out.

For a moment, his thumb hovered over the send button. He wondered what would happen if he just said it. Just told Jack how he felt, told him everything. Would the man reject him, destroying his friendship, or would he be welcomed with open arms? Then he remembers the video from days ago and feels his eyes burn at the memory. He pressed send, then dropped his phone back onto the counter. He walks away, feeling he needs a shower to wash away the pain. He doesn't bother to go back to get his phone when it buzzes at him after Jack texted back.

After getting clean and finding new clothes, he sits on his couch, the phone still forgotten, staring at the floor. He runs his hands through his hair, wondering what he's doing with his life. Glancing up, he sees a pile of mail sitting on his end table, and one piece in particular catches his eye. Most of what he gets from the post is junk mail these days. Advertisements and life insurance policies mostly. He picks one up and looks at the colorful cover of a tri-fold ad. It was from a travel agency, promoting a great deal on traveling across the country, seeing the sites, and experiencing new cultures. Opening it, he is greeted with a beautiful picturesque view of some mountain, with a happy, smiling family standing there waving, as if having a great time.

Then the idea came to him. He'd leave. Start over. Get away from this life that now haunted him and start a new one. He needed to find his happiness again. Feel strong once more, not worn down and defeated. His viewers would be disappointed, his friends wouldn't understand, but eventually, they'd all get over it. He needed this; he needed a fresh start.

~*~

Later that day, after getting his home ready, it only took about an hour to pack what he needed. Some clothes, toiletries, a phone charger, a laptop, and a leather-bound book. The book was a gift he gave himself about a year ago. Its pages were blanks, save for the lines on which to write his thoughts. He had seen a small shop that he had stepped into for a moment, and it caught his attention because the brownness of the leather reminded him of Jack's hair. He had taken the time to write down his dreams in the book. Knowing how they were slowly slipping away, he wanted to ensure that no matter what, he'd always have a way to look back at them. So he wrote down everything he could remember. Every conversation, every moment, every kiss. He wanted, needed to remember. It was all he had left.

After contacting the travel agency and talking with a nice-sounding Veronica, he had only to make his goodbye video.

He set up his camera one last time and knew this was a one-shot thing: Record, upload. He didn't want to have to spend too much time editing, and the sooner this was done, the sooner he could move on.

"Hello, everyone. My name is Markiplier. I feel I should apologize for the past few days. I haven't uploaded anything without giving you a reason, and I feel really bad about that. Unfortunately, though, this will be my last video. I've decided it's time to move on, and so I won't be uploading anymore to YouTube or anywhere else. ..."

*Sigh*

Mark could feel the emotions getting stronger, his eyes start to burn as the tears build up. His chest tightens, making it almost hard to breathe.

"... I ... I'm okay, honest. I just need ..." He hangs his head momentarily, trying to compose himself. This was proving to be harder than he thought.

"I need to leave for a while, guys. I can't explain why; I just do. I don't know when or if I'll be back. But I want you to know I have loved every moment we've had together. I'm going to miss every laugh, game, and silly jump scare, but I have to do this, and I can only hope you understand. Sometimes in life, we don't get what we want, and we have to learn to move on. ... Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I will try to post to Twitter every now and then, but I can't make any promises. ..."

By this point, Mark had tears streaming down his face, his voice trembling, and he wasn't sure how he kept going, but he went on, knowing it had to be done.

"... So, goodbye, everyone. I love you all. ... Buh Bye." He ended with his usual wave and the best smile he could muster.

With that, he turned off his camera. It needed a few edits only to the beginning and end, and then he uploaded it. He scheduled it to go up later in the day to give him time to get moving before all the notifications poured in. He also knew his friends would be worried, but this was for the best. It was time to move on.