Uncoiled (complete)

Leather Bound

Jack waited for Deena to fall asleep before creeping out of the apartment. He took one last look at the back of her head. He wanted in it and the only way was through the leather bound he stashed under the car seat.

Even before his fingers felt the skin, something dark settled over him. There was no turning back from this, he knew that much. What he'd find in that journal would either destroy their already brittle relationship or pour molten gold onto it.

Peering down from the roof of the L shaped motel, he sat on the edge that gave him clear visual of their room door. Using the rusty lighter that Navis bought him on his 18th birthday, Jack illuminated the first page of her Journal. He considered pulling out a smoke as well, but decided against it. Just in case he needed a quick getaway.

Eyes skimming over her writing, Jack marveled at her penmanship.

April 17, 2010

today I bought this journal... obviously. There's a possibility that I'll live to regret it. 'Round here, nothing good ever comes out of a woman speaking her mind. Or inking it on paper in this case. She just brings attention to herself. Like an alleycat who decides to keep her eyes open in the dark. Unbeknownst to her that people here hunt alleycats. Such a natural thing for her to do. Their glow give her hideout away. Such a tragedy for her nature becomes the cause of her death.

Jack stopped reading and looked at the door. Recalling the comparison he made between her and a wildcat. Changing his mind, he pulled out a stick and lit it using the lighter.

Mr. Masser came home late tonight. 3:01 am... I hate digital clocks, it's their preciseness that makes things feel more or less than they should... if it were an analog, Mamma would've convinced herself it was still 2. If it were still 2, she wouldn't have confronted him. And if she didn't confront him, she'd still have three molars in her mouth.

"Fuck." Jack muffled through the cigarette between his lips.

April 24, 2010

Saneen had a trip to D.C today. Her government class wanted them to experience politics first hand. Something about having their feet touch the ground that carried the law will make it seem less otherworldly and more of a possibility. Saneen says she wants to become the first female president. I wanted to tell her first female presidents don't have to take the underground railroad to Washington - afraid Mr. Masser might catch them and drag them back.

She begged me to cover for her. Help her do the things i never could. "It's unfair that you never got to go on school trips when you were in middle school, Deena." I would be lying if i said i didn't care. I cared then- she didn't realize that the older you get the less you cared about yellow busses. they meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. the older you got the heavier the compromises.

i covered for her. Mr. Masser didn't find out. Saneen brought home a t-shirt with the words 'Madam President' spray painted on it.

This must have been the reason for her excitement during their little road trip. Bits and pieces began coming together. Jack began understanding what a sheltered life Deena lived. He also understood that sheltered lives were dangerous. You have a lot of time to plot.

June 3, 2010

Mr. Masser doesn't touch his daughters. He can't sell them with marks on their faces. There's a lock on the pantry. I have a memory of him pushing the small white refrigerator into the closet and nailing a lock onto the door frame. He cursed mamma. Something about fat girls not finding husbands. I remember being hungry a lot.

A noise below pulled Jack's attention from the dark pages. Peering over, he saw a pick-up similar to the one back in Pennsylvania. Despite his certainty that there was no way they could've followed them all the way here, he prepared himself to move if he needed to. Waiting for the driver to exit the vehicle, he put out his cigarette. A petite blond climbed out.

Sitting back, he picked a random page and flipped the lighter.

October 12, 2014

Michael -

Who the fuck is Michael? Jack cursed. 

He shuffled back a few pages, eyes frantically searching for the first day this Michael guy's name appears. Somewhere in the middle an entry caught his eye. It was one line. 

October 12, 2011

He killed him. Mr. Masser killed Michael. 

A lover? There's no way. Deena had a lover who never touched her. Jack thought about the possibility of something so unnatural. Maybe they were highschool sweethearts. Or a love that was killed short. 

Jack flipped back a couple more pages trying to find the beginning of this Michael person's story. 

September 4, 2010

There's a guy. 

I got that. Jack thought angrily. 

His name is Michael. That's what his friend called him. He has a dimple on his right cheek. It was the first thing that caught my attention. Well, that and the look he gave me as I waited in line at the checkout. No one has ever looked at me the way he did. Like he didn't know who Mr. Masser was, or he didn't care. Like I was the only woman he'd ever set eyes on. Like at that moment, in that check out line, he saw paradise. 

That's it? Jack cursed, flipping to the next page. There was nothing about him until the five entries later. 

September 9, 2010

I went back to that bookstore again. Every day for the last five days hoping that maybe I'll see him again. It would be strange for him to go back, but I secretly hoped he didn't like the book he bought and was hoping to return it. Anything. It didn't take long for me to spot him today. He was wearing that same leather jacket. I think I smelled him before I actually saw him. He smelled a mixture of Irish spring and cigarette. 

Jack continued to read the entries. He's never felt so dirty in his life. Learning her secrets. The way she felt for that Michael. The way it drove her crazy that he would never touch her because he knew what the consequences were. That her father killed him. There was only one entry about his death. Jack wondered if she was using a metaphor or something. He couldn't believe that her people could murder in cold blood and get away with it. It felt surreal. Did her father really kill him because of young love?

Only she could answer that question for him. How would he ask her to clarify? 

Has your father ever killed anyone? 

Yeah, that wouldn't sound suspicious at all. Maybe he can even confirm her suspicion by calling him Mr. Masser instead of her father. It was strange that there wasn't a single entry where she referred to him as dad. Just Mr. Masser. So impersonal. So cold. 

His mind spun back to Michael. Not once did he touch her. How was that possible? 

It occurred to Jack then, that it was true what he read in one of the entries. When she spoke of Mike... 

Mike! Jack frowned, he hated that through her words she made him admire the man who took her heart. But her words kept at him-

No man has ever looked at me that way... and no man ever would. There was no sex. No stripping me down with his eyes. Just our souls damning each other to abandonment in a never ending ocean of love that would drown us forever. 

Was she still in love with Michael? Jack wondered stuffing the journal in his waist band and making his way back to the room.