Pained Life

Chap 8 : Blood on our hands

Blood on our hands

His head hurt. It was too tight. It was uncomfortable. He felt light. He could say that but all of those things would be lies. Well, part of that. Allen sighed for the umpteenth time that day as he stared at the long mirror in front of him. Everything had changed. It had been a few days sine he was told about the change to his position in the war and it was obvious that everything would have changed. He was scared. He was sure that he had just lost everything that was precious to him. In only a few weeks as well. Wasn't life just sweet. He sighed again staring at his left side which had left him feeling nauseous. He hadn't been allowed to leave the medical room for a check up, as well as have anyone visit him, which left him feeling like maybe no one actually cared. He would have to get used to that anyway.

No arm huh. That would take a while to get used to. It had already been five days and he still wasn't used to it. Although, he spent a whole day in a world that he couldn't escape from. He didn't even care anymore. ~Nothing made sense so nothing mattered. If he was to die today…so be it.

"You shouldn't have thoughts like that" Allen's eyes automatically narrowed. Like his life wasn't bad enough. Now he had to deal with this as well. He was basically tempted to beg the fourteenth…er…Neah, as he had been reminded, to just kill him already and end his misery. Once in a while he received snide comments that were not needed and one time he was suddenly pulled into that 'dream world', as he called it, because he refused to sleep. The only good thing was how…Neah…didn't exactly speak. He would just have to get used to the changes.

"Walker? Are you done?" Allen blinked. He sighed again then turned away from the mirror feeling the tale of his new beige coat flip behind him. He had forgotten that Link was still in the room. He nodded and bit his tongue as yet another painfully accurate smile formed on his face. How much he hated hat. How much he hated what Mana had done to him. Mana lied, everything was a damn lie. Now he was stained. Still, the smile remained on his face. He couldn't remove it. Mana's mask was sewn to his face.

It was sad. Even Link had to admit. Thing had really taken a drastic turn hadn't it. It was sad that he was still supervising the boy because without his innocence he could be more of a threat. He watched as the boy was released then given his finders coat to wear. That made it even more unfortunate. If an exorcist survived but lost their innocence, sure they would be dispatched but they would be given choices of returning home or remain working, but that was their choice. Him, he didn't have a choice. He was simply a pawn in the war.

Link gave a subtle yawn before dropping all the sheets of paper that he had been given to sign. With the swap he would have to work with the sudden switch from exorcist to finder he had to go over the work that finders were expected to do as that would be what he would be observing. That and that new Antonio kid. It was scary how much the boy was like Allen and not only with his appearance but surprisingly also with his personality. They both would put on a false faced but the difference that Link had noticed from his months of supervising was that Allen was hiding his pain while Antonio was just darker.

Nobody actually knew how bad Antonio really was and what his actual purpose for being there was. Not even Bookman.

It was both a blessing and curse that Levierrer trusted him.

Allen meekly smiled as he walked into the cafeteria silently attempting to ignore the way the it got dramatically quiet along with peoples stares. Still, him and no one said anything. He quietly made his way across the hall towards where one of his favourite people had always been. His smile didn't feel strong anymore as it felt like any more complications on his current state would make him shatter.

He had after all lost his left arm. The arm that had brought both misfortune and salvation into his life. Now he was left feeling unbalanced. The darkness in his life was overthrowing the light. There was no darker than black and no whiter than white. Everything was just…just…