Silver Lining - The Host fanfiction

Chapter 10 The Caretaker

“The fates have given mankind a patient soul.”

- Homer, The Iliad.

 

Burns

 

It’s not that bad, sharing my house with another person, but maybe it’s because my company is so quiet. Two days and she’s hardly said a word. She talks, says thank you and yes and no, but not much otherwise. I decided not to push her too much yet. I suppose it takes some getting used to living in a house again and I am a stranger to her. I’m sure in a week’s time we’ll get along just fine.

I pour some coffee and watch as Emma enters the kitchen. I can see from the circles under her eyes that she hasn’t slept well last night. Does she have nightmares? Or is she falling ill again?
“Morning,” I smile at her.
She nods at me meekly and walks up to the counter. “Hi,” she mutters.
“Coffee?” I ask, even though I know she prefers tea. I’m just trying to make her tell me.
“No thanks,” she says. She doesn’t look at me.
“Something else?” I press, “you know you don’t have to ask, right? You live here too now. You can get whatever you like.”
She nods but doesn’t make any attempt to move.
I sigh and place a hand on her arm. “Emma…”
She jumps and jerks away from me. I look at it startled. “I’m sorry,” I say, “I didn’t mean to frighten you.” She’s staring at me with wide eyes. “Emma,” I say, “I was just concerned about you. You’re not sleeping well. Maybe you should see a Healer.”
As the words leave my mouth, I immediately know they’re the wrong ones. I see it in the slight narrowing of her eyes, the suspicion shimmering in her pupils. “He can give you something to sleep,” I clarify, but that makes it even worse, because I remember what I said to her not long ago.

“It won’t hurt. I promise. They’ll put you to sleep and it will all be over.”

 

I mentally slap myself as I hear myself dig my own grave. She’ll never trust me now.

Her body is tense and she swallows nervously. I can almost see her looking for an escape route. My hand runs across my face. Of all the stupid things to say, I have chosen the stupidest.
I take a step in her direction and I think that is what sets her off. She tries to dart past me and my reaction is a reflex.

I block her path and grab her around the waist. Not the smartest of moves.

It’s the first time I notice how small she is. She’s about 5,4” and as skinny as before, but that last bit can be fixed.
At first I’m surprised she’s not screaming, though she is struggling against me, but I suppose she doesn’t want to draw the attention of the neighbors, who are also Souls. Maybe if she’d had a decent night’s sleep she would have been able to break free.
“Please stop fighting me,” I say softly, “no one is going to hurt you.” I hear her whimper and her struggles become less. “I’m going to let go now,” I continue, “promise you won’t run?”
Her head nods in my shoulder and I let go of her.

The second she is free she backs away from me, keeping a watchful eye. I decide to ignore it for now. “Do you often have trouble sleeping?” I pour her some tea and cautiously walk over to her. The last thing I want is to spook her again.
She eyes the tea for a moment, but then takes it. “Thanks,” she mutters.
I give her  faint smile and lean back against the counter. She moves her lips as if she wants to say something, but isn’t sure how. Just when I decide to leave her alone, her voice stops me. “I’m not used to sleeping in a bed anymore, in a house… with a… stranger.”
I’m sure there’s more to it. That she meant to say ‘Soul’ instead of ‘stranger’. But the fact that she’s talking to me at all is a big step.
“We can go somewhere else,” I tell her, “somewhere out of town where there are less people. The weather is a bit cold, but we can find a solution for that. Would that make you feel better?”
She shakes her head. “No. I don’t think that will make a difference.”
“I meant what I said,” I tell her, “you’re safe here. I won’t do anything to you. I just want to learn about humanity.”
“Why?” she asks.
“Because I want to understand. I want to know what it was like before we came here, so we don’t make the same mistakes.” She stares at me uncomprehending. “This world was so chaotic when we came here,” I continue, “there was so much hurt and crime and unfairness. If we would know how that happened, we’d know what to avoid. We want to make this world the peaceful place it is supposed to be. The place we know it can be.”
“But why do you want to know?” she asks, emphasizing the ‘you’.
I think about that for a moment. It is a question I have asked myself several times. What is it exactly that I want? But that question is also the answer. “Humans are so complicated,” I answer her, “maybe if I study one, I can be better at being one.”
“You want to be human?” she asks confused, “I thought your kind wanted to wipe us out because we didn’t deserve to live.”
I blink at her. That is what she thinks? “I don’t want to be human, but I wear a human body and I want to feel comfortable in it. Maybe if I understand why humans do certain thing, I can understand this body better.” I pause for a moment. “And it’s not that you don’t deserve to live. It’s just… this is such a beautiful place and humans don’t appreciate it. So we stepped in. And we made it better. Don’t you think it’s better? No more crimes, people don’t shout at each other or argue. Everything is fair now and equally divided.”
“But there are no more humans,” she whispers and her eyes are sad.
“There’s you,” I say.
A ghost of a smile appears on her face and something I can’t quite identify. Before I can think on it, it is gone.
“So,” I change the subject, “we need groceries. What would you like to eat?”
She shrugs. The wall is pulled up between us again, but I’m determined to break it down. “Do you want to come to the store with me? Maybe you’ll see something you like.”
She gives me a quick glance, filled with worry. “No. I’m good here.” She doesn’t want to go outside and run into other Souls, even though I promised her noting will happen to her.
“Okay,” I nod and start making a list. Bread, water, eggs and bacon. I need butter too and cheese. Potatoes and probably some vegetables.
Emma watches me from a distance. “Why do you always bring food for one day? Wouldn’t it be easier to get more food at once so you don’t have to go to the store every day?”
I stop writing and look up at her. That’s the first time she’s actually asked me something of her own accord.
“I don’t need more food than I can eat in one day. If I grow hungry I go to a restaurant or something.”
“But you don’t use money anymore. What if the store runs out of food?”
“That won’t happen. The managers keep a close record of everything that goes out. If the store runs low, they’ll order new supplies. There’s enough food for everyone.”
“But what if someone takes more than he needs? You’ll run out of food then.”
I stare at her confused. Such silly thoughts. “Who would do something like that?” I ask, “who would take more than they need? That doesn’t make sense.”
She shakes her head and sighs like I’m the one not making sense.
“Tell me what you think,” I say, “I want to understand.”
She narrows her eyes, but my human brain tells me it’s not from anger. She’s thinking. “People always take what they can,” she says, “especially when it’s free.”
I nod. I’ve heard that humans are selfish creatures. “Souls don’t,” I tell her.
“I know,” she whispers. She’s not looking at me.

“So why did you ask?”
She shrugs. “I wanted to know what you would say.”
The answer surprises me. I thought I knew some things about humans, but this human confuses everything I thought I knew. She glances at me nervously. Why would she be nervous around me? She can say whatever she wants. Wasn’t that the point of her staying with me?
“If people would only take what the need, then there is enough for everyone,” I explain, “why would anyone want to have more than someone else?”
“Lots of reasons,” she says, “greed, prestige, because they can afford it or simply because they enjoy it. Besides, what you need and what you think  you need are two completely different things.”
I watch her a moment and consider this. She does have a point. My mind grasps the concept, but my nature does not understand. Of course you would know what you need. Only humans would ask for more.
“How can anyone be so selfish?” I ask.
“How can anyone be so selfless?” she counters.

“That’s easy,” I smile, “giving makes us happy and it’s the base of a peaceful world.”
“So you’re never angry? Or frustrated? Sad?”
“I’m sad sometimes,” I admit, “but I have no reason to be angry with anyone. We don’t have negative emotions.” She shudders and I wonder at that. She makes it seem like something bad. “Why does that upset you?” I ask.
“Because it’s not normal,” she says, “everyone has negative emotions sometimes. You need negative emotions. How else do you appreciate the good?”
“Why would you need hate and anger? That sort of feeling only causes pain and destruction. It is why this world became such a mess. How can you appreciate anything when you’re angry?”
She doesn’t reply to that. Is it because she thinks I’m right or because she can’t think of a comment?
“You’re out of shampoo,” she finally says.
I blink a few times and only manage an unintelligible sound. “Huh?”
“Your list,” she says, “for the store. You’re out of shampoo.” And she walks out of the kitchen.
I sigh. This is going to take a while.