Shades of Gray ~A Delinquent's Story~

Chapter Twelve: Reunions

Chapter Twelve: Reunions

          There are some times in your life where you realize you totally fucked up.  There was something in my gut that said this was definitely one of those times, having been stuck in the local jail for 40 days and nights, all of which were lonely, especially since Brady was the only one who decided to show his face to me.  Jamal had told me he didn’t want Gabe to worry, so he didn’t come.  I, however, heard “I’m too disappointed in you to even look at you.”  Maci never showed up, probably because she hates me now.  Brady even told me that he tried to talk her into coming with him, but she “just shook her head, yelled a lot, and almost blew a blood vessel.”

          My feelings have been on an emotional rollercoaster since the moment where I had to watch the look on Maci’s face as Officer Clay dragged me away from her.  Sadness, denial, anger, frustration, fright, self-hatred… These were things that I felt on a day-to-day basis.  I sometimes even smacked my head off the cement wall to punish myself like Dobby from Harry Potter.  Then, there were other times where I just cried, literally cried, in the back left corner of my cell.  I felt alone, uncared for more than usual, and strangely dead inside.  I couldn’t stop replaying that kiss in my mind, and I also couldn’t help but accept that it would never happen again.  I wanted her, I had her, and then I lost her.  I ruined everything in my life that I worked so hard to earn.  It took me awhile, but I finally accepted the fact that what I chose to do with my life was my fault, and that I could no longer blame it on ‘how I was raised.’  No one controlled my actions; it was just me and my messed up ways of thinking and acting.  Sadly, my mind-blowing epiphany came far, far too late, and now I was stuck being alone and wanting to die.  I actually planned to ram my head into the wall until I bled out, but the guards privately labeled me as ‘almost suicidal’ so they kept a watchful eye on me.  Probably for their own enjoyment if I actually went through with my plan.

          About 20 days in, one officer decided it was time to tell me that the jewelry store owner got the necklace back from Maci.  He said it happened on the day after the dance, but he wanted me to ‘dwell on it’ (it being that I had no fucking clue what happened to it).  What an asshole.

          Anyway, it would be March when I was released.  Now, some people who have been through the Hell that is called jail might not think 40 days would be so bad.  Me, on the other hand, felt that it would never end.  But, when it did, I knew that I would feel comfort in the cold air that signaled the freedom I craved every time I had left the JD center, but this time it was different.  I knew that I would never go back to my ‘bad boy’ ways, and I would never be back in that cell (or any cell) for as long as I live.

          I asked Brady to pick me up and take me home.  He told me he would take me to lunch for some “real food” first.  As much as I wanted to taste something other than Chili Surprise, all I wanted to do was go home and sit in the dark for awhile.  Brady just told me to shut up.

          “Devin!”  Brady jumped to his feet as I walked through the doors.  His chair in the lobby toppled over in his excitement, and I swear the officer next to me moved his hand towards his taser.  “Let’s get out of here!”

          “Okay, okay.”  I chuckled lifelessly while the officer pushed me towards Brady, who immediately gave me an awkward bear hug.  The officer just grunted, mumbled something, and walked away.

          “I think that guy thought I was gay…” Brady mumbled, still squeezing the living daylight out of me.

          “Thought?”  I questioned sarcastically, moving my arms so I could push him off of me.  He just gave me an offended look before motioning me to follow him to his car.