Don't Let Go

Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Later that night, Cayson lay awake wondering how he would be able to afford to give Camden the care that he needed. There was so much that Cayson wouldn't be able to do, that would require some kind of professional. In order for that to happen Cayson would have to pay said professional. He wasn't sure where the money was going to come from, he would have to find a job and be able to hold it down for longer than a few weeks. The problem was no one in this town believed that he had the ability to do so, they had much the same opinion about him as his father had. Cayson wanted to prove everyone wrong, but he wasn't even sure where to start. How does one even begin to mend the fences that he had destroyed? Could he prove the people wrong, prove that he could be responsible? That he could take care of Camden while holding down a job. The thought scared him, because he knew the pubic didn't have a good opinion of him. He didn't want to fail, he wanted more than anything for everyone to see that he was worth something, more than anything his father had ever said anyways.

Sighing, Cayson rolled over onto his side, sleep wouldn't come easily tonight. Words spoken about his brother's prognosis filled his head, leaving him with questions he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to. Cayson stared out the window to his right, memories of all the time Camden had defended him from his father rolled through his head. Bringing tears to his eyes, his life hadn't turned out the way that he had wanted it too. Cayson had wanted to be a successful artist, but it seemed like no one in this town cared to see him succeed. Anytime he went into town he could hear the whispers that followed. Everyone thought he was a loser even though Cayson worked hard to prove them wrong. He wanted nothing more than to leave this town behind, but with Camden in the condition that he was in, Cayson was sure that the people would think him heartless and think that he didn't care enough about his brother to try to better his life. What could Cayson really do? He couldn't draw Camden a new pair of legs that would work.

"Cam" Cayson murmured "I don't know what to do. You're prognosis isn't good. And I don't think I can even begin to be able to afford that kind of care that you need."Cayson hung his head, he was deeply ashamed of the person he had become. His brother wouldn't even like the person that he was.

"Somewhere along the way, with all of the trouble we've had I just kind of lost sight of who I was."Cayson spoke softly "I forget that I meant something to someone. After being told I was worthless time and time again eventually I started believing it. I know that's no excuse for constantly arguing with you and getting into fights. I guess I have just gotten used to people thinking the worst of me."Cayson shut his mouth as a nurse entered and began checking over Camden's vital statistics. Cayson noticed the dirty looking coming his direction every few minutes and he sighed knowing that he deserved every single one of them. After it was his fault that his brother was in this condition.

"I know what you're thinking" Cayson told the nurse "and it's not anything I don't keep telling myself. But giving me dirty looks is not going to change the situation."

"You're right it's not. If you plan on caring for your brother in this situation, I can almost guareentee that you will end up killing him before the end of the year."The nurse sneered at him.

"I will not, I intend to get help even if I have to work like a slave for the rest of my life. I will make up for what happened to Cam." Cayson felt like shouting. He was tired of the judgemental looks everyone tossed his way. If only they had known the way he had grown up the pressure to be just like his older brother had been too much for him to deal with.

"Who will hire you in this town? You've burned your bridges and now your brother will pay for it." The nurse muttered.

"I will find a job even if I have to leave this judgemental town to do so." Cayson glared at her. "No one in this town understands what I grew up with, if you had you would understand why I am the way I am."

"Everyone has a story, but not everyone manages to screw it up like you have." The nurse said before turning and leaving the room. The nurse's words echoed in Cayson's mind. Was he the one that had screwed his story up? His father hadn't helped of course, but Camden had tried to give him the support that their father had not.

"It should be me in that bed instead of you" Cayson told Camden knowing that his brother likely couldn't hear him. "I deserve it more than you do. Everyone loves you while the whole town hates me, they blame me for what happened to you and to be honest they are right to blame me."Cayson felt tears fill his eyes, he shouldn't care what the town thought of him but he did. He wanted love and acceptance and he wasn't getting it. The only person that had ever truly loved Cayson was lying unconscious on a bed.

"Why is the only person who ever cared about what happens to me is leaving me, slowly but surely. I need you more than I need anyone else. I always have." Cayson said "You're the reason I haven't killed myself yet. Lord, knows I have tried but you refused to let me. I refuse to let you die. I will do whatever it takes to bring you back to me even if I have to work twice as hard as anyone else!"

Closing his eyes, Cayson lay his forehead on the bed in front of him. His worst nightmare had always been losing his older brother. He was coming to realize that Cayson had been driving Camden away with his actions for far too long. He couldn't expect Camden to keep fighting Cayson's battles for him. Eventually Cayson needed to fight his own battles, needed to stand and make the town see him for who he was. He wasn't just a loser, or a troublemaker. He had survived for a long time on his father's hatred he could do the same with the town's hatred of him. He could make them understand that he wasn't who they truely thought he was. He would make them see that he could be a better person. He didn't have to take their crap anymore. He would become the person Camden had always said he could be. He would prove once and all that he could be just as a good a man as his older brother was, he would prove it or die trying.

One should never had to prove that they were worthy of love, everyone should automatically be given the opportunity to be loved. However, it didn't always happen like that. Some were born with crappy parents, or they lost their parents early on. Some parents willingly gave their children up. Cayson had always wondered if he would have been better off if he had been born to someone else. Obviously nothing could come from thinking things like that but he had to find some way of getting through his father's abuse. Dreaming of a place where he could be happy was one way of doing that. If he had been born someone else than maybe Camden wouldn't be in the condition that he was in at this moment, he wouldn't be fighting for his life.

"Things would certainly be different if you had a different brother." Cayson said raising his head and looking at Camden. It hurt his heart to his brother fight for his next breath. He couldn't stand the bruises that littered his body. Cayson felt like he had beat the living daylights out of his brother, even though he hadn't. He was still the reason that Camden had gotten in the car to come after him. If Cayson had been a little bit more responsible then they wouldn't even be in this miss.

"Your nurse is right, you deserve somebody better than me to take care of you, with my luck I will end up killing you, even though that is the furthest thing on this planet that I want to do."

"Visiting hours are over, you have to leave now." A harsh voice spoke from the doorway, interrupting Cayson's self deprecating thoughts. Cayson felt the doctor's harsh glare on his back as he watched Cayson exit the room and head towards the exit of the hospital. One day everyone would regret treating him like he wasn't worth anything, Cayson thought one day they would love him as much as they loved his brother. Even if it took a lifetime Cayson wouldn't quit trying.

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