Rad Bad Cool Cops

Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness

The next morning, Elwood found himself watching Peg Leg sleep on his couch.

Okay, it’s not as creepy as it sounds, Elwood swears - he was looking at her more in morbid fascination than in......ANY OTHER KIND OF FASCINATION!!! He grimaced just thinking about it.

It was just that her eyes didn’t close when she “slept”. Elwood was weirdly entranced by the scene of the robust girl staring emptily up at his ceiling, unmoving. She didn’t breathe, as was expected of a robot, he supposed, but it was just.......eery. Like he had just killed her, or something.

As he was watching her, the mug of coffee in his hand warming his palm to the point of uncomfortableness, she sprang to life, her eyes flickering. Elwood jumped back, tipping his coffee onto his hands and cursing loudly - that was hot.

“Captain!” She exclaimed. “Ahoy- ye be alright?”

“Augh, yes,” Elwood sputtered, setting his mug onto the coffee table and wiping his hands on the thighs of his pants. When he looked back up, Peg Leg was staring at him seriously, her eyes fiery with excitement. He had a sinking...heh....sinking......pirate......feeling about that look. He recognized it as something BB would give him. What was it with him and attracting the weird stereotypical people? “What are you looking at me for?”

“Ye be my captain now, Captain Elwood,” she said affirmatively, nodding. “I’m ye’re first mate now.”

“No you’re not,” Elwood said. The coffee on his pants was cooling, leaving him a little chilly.

She leapt up from the couch, staring at him indignantly. “Who be then? That scurvy dog callin’ himself a cowboy? I hate them landlubbers!!!! I’ll make him walk the plank!”

Elwood stared at her for a while, mouth open slightly. He couldn’t believe such a hot babe could be so.......well, could be such a pirate. He cleared his throat, crossing his arms and sitting carefully on the edge of the couch. Peg Leg flopped down beside him, the entire length of her thigh not fitting on the cushion of the couch. Elwood never really mused about his height, but he definitely was now. “Listen, uh...”

“Call me Peg,” she said gruffly. “Peg Leg.”

“Right. Peg Leg.” Elwood looked away from her bodacious bod to rub at his forehead. He wished this girl would just leave, but he guessed that now was a better time than ever to question her - she was willingly sitting on his couch, after all. “I need to ask you a few questions.”

She looked at him. “Tell me all you know about the Miracle Initiative.” He already had a small recorder out, prepared to record everything this robot pirate had to say.

Peg Leg looked confused for a few moments before smiling. “Arrrr, I don’t be knowin’ what that is, captain.”

Elwood stood from the couch, glaring at the woman. “Don’t play dumb, robot. I know your robot tricks. You’re trying to protect those president-snatching Initiative fuckers! I can’t have that! I’m on the CASE!”

She seemed to almost be enjoying the way he was getting infuriated about this. That just infuriated him more! She pulled up her legs to her chest, running her fingers along the details of her peg leg. Elwood hadn't noticed before, but it was carved into the shape of a voluptuous mermaid. "I forget my old cap'n when I get a new one. Wipe 'im from my memorrrry. Arr."

Elwood scowled. What a useless piece of junk she was! "You don't remember ANYTHING about the Initiative?"

"Aye," she said. "Arrrr."

Elwood sighed dramatically. That meant they DEFINITELY had to go back! Secretly, he was hoping that having the pirate robot in his house would mean that they wouldn't have to go back there - those mechs were pretty scary - but now they would have to, for sure. He glared at Peg Leg with the intensity of a thousand suns. "Get out of my house."