little nothings || a.b.

3.7

ANDY

I wake up to Scarlet brushing her teeth in the bathroom. She's still in my shirt, and I can't help but stare. My mind flashes to last night, and I close my eyes again.

What is she doing to me? I feel too vulnerable. I need to get away from her. The problem with that is, I feel like if I tried I couldn't.

I usually never wake up in the same bed as the person I've done anything sexual with. It's weird. I don't know how to act or what to say. It's a very uncomfortable feeling.

"Andy!" I hear a giggled muffle as I open my eyes once again. She waves at me like a small child. "Hello." I rasp and clear my throat. I hate my morning voice. "Good morning." She sings. "Yep." I mutter back as my feet touch the cold floor. She bends over the counter to spit her toothpaste out in the sink, and the fabric slides up to reveal the tiniest bit of her ass, enough to catch my attention. It's too early for this.

I lay back down and face the opposite way. God, she can suck me in so fast.

I hear her tiny footsteps as she walks into the room. "I need to study for my exams." She says to herself. 

"Haven't you done enough of that?" I huff. Even I'm sick of seeing her textbooks.

"Nope." She says while sitting down next to me.

I look at her and she blushes.

Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking last night. I'm not into this lovey shit. I don't date. I don't want to date. Relationships are shit, and they are so hard to maintain. Pointless actually, one of you always gets destroyed in the end. Just like I was last time.

Brush it off, Andy. Don't go there right now.

Plus, what would the guys think? What would they say? "I need to go." I mutter while throwing myself out of the bed. It's gone too far even though it hasn't gone far at all.

"Oh. Why?" She asks at my strange, sudden urgency. I would be confused too. Actually, I am. I can never figure out what I want.

"I've got shit to do. I don't have time for this." I grunt while throwing my pants back on. I look back at her to see my white shirt covering her body. "I need that." I say while holding my hand out. She stands and removes the shirt right before my eyes, and of course they wander. Of course my mind wanders too.

I curse under my breath and rip it from her hands.

"What is your problem?" She snaps as I turn around and slide the shirt over my back, pulling out a cigarette from my pocket. Hopefully this will help clear my head.

"You." I say simply as I take out my lighter. I hear her gasp from behind me and guilt floods my stomach. What am I doing?

"Leave. I don't want to hear your trash! I should have never let you in here anyways! Maybe Dani was wrong." She says.

What did Dani say?

"That's where I was going anyways." I shrug while turning to the door, her almost completely naked body flashing across my eyesight. I refrain my neck from jerking back to her and move my stone heavy feet to the door.

She's going to be alone if I leave. What do I care?

I walk out of that dorm with no regrets on my chest.

That thought makes me a liar. Damn it.

I look at the time and realize that I need to have a painting done by this afternoon. I sigh and take another drag of my cigarette. Guilt hits my chest as I look at the smoke. Just like her eyes. There's just no escape is there? I need to just go bang Steph or something to get my mind off of all this fucked up shit. I'm not like this. This isn't me.

I am insensitive.

Looks like it's back to the cold showers. Maybe.

After arriving at my house, I immediately head to my studio room and grab my brushes. I look at my hands. My traces are on her skin, in her hair. 

My hair.

I still smell like strawberries.

I drop my things and head straight to my room, loading my hair with my cologne, but the small hint of strawberry still sinks through. I take another puff of my cigarette.There's just no escape is there?

I head back to the studio and turn on my radio. Music fills the house and I take a deep breath, focusing on the project in front of me.

When my hand moves across the canvas, it's like my hand moves without my mind. Odd perhaps, but that's the way it is. It gives my mind time to shut off for a while. My hand instinctively moves to the right spot, adding a dash of color here, some shading there, and often creating something new I've never seen before. 

Lately, I've been feeling more lively than usual, so the manner of the picture is an oak tree. 

My hand takes me to darker paints and I feel like slashing through the whole picture, but I don't. I take a deep breath in and begin working, feeling a bit pressured to meet my client this afternoon because he's paying very well. I'm beginning to doubt that my skills are good enough.

Distorted thoughts - Fuck off.

I wish I could have Scarlet here, honestly I do. I don't know why I left. Wait, yes I do. No, actually I don't.

Fuck!

My eyes flash to my knuckles and they're a shaky shade of white. I drop the brush and move my fingers around, they're too tense to paint. I rub my eyes and head downstairs to get a cold sip of water and maybe flush some sense into myself. Maybe flush some happiness into myself too. As suspected, that didn't happen.

By the end of the afternoon, I had smoked a while back of cigarettes as I finally went over my finished masterpiece with the proper materials to set the paint and make sure the color stays as vibrant as possible.

I quickly pack up the large canvas and drive to meet my client, do my business, and get my sick and sorry ass home.

I open my kitchen cabinet and pull out a cheap bottle of vodka, despite the fact that I have a cigarette in my mouth. Why not knock it out all at the same time? I've been trying to stop recently, but I need it now, until I can forget all of this fucked up bullshit about a girl my heart keeps chasing. Maybe it's actually my dick, but at this point, I don't really know, or in other words, I don't really care to enough to know.  I need to let her go. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with her and her snappy, witty attitude, and her hideous, horrific clothes that made her body shape look like nothing compared to what it actually is. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with her nerdy personality and excitement in talking about what happens to be some of my favorite literature and her obsessive way of keeping things in line. I hate it though, really. I hate it enough to love it unlike I've ever loved anything or anyone before.

You bipolar bitch, Andy.

I bet she's sitting in her room studying, panicking about making a 99 instead of a perfect 100. I start to think about how I can make her giggle, how her skin warms and flushes at my touch, or how she would be willing to just stand next to me silently in the pouring rain.

Cigarette daydreams, my weakness.

She just chews me up and spits me out, doesn't she?

//

sorry this update took so long! I've had a lot in my head recently... thank you for all of the support! just remember that it doesn't go unnoticed and every little comment, read, and vote really means a lot to me!

18 votes and 10 comments for another chapter!! I'm really excited for what's coming up! ^.^

let me know what you hope will happen and your thoughts on everything!

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