Humans Of Coffee World

Not Sorry

"Her skirt was too short." (The classic, eh?)

"She had it coming." (Heard over and over again, after Qandeel Baloch's honor Killing.)

"A man has less control over his lust. It's just the way Allah created men." (Seen in a well-meaning, but terribly misinformed book about Islam, on Wattpad.)

"Her conduct was dishonorable."

"She should have covered herself more."

"Atleast with a second wife, he is screwing someone you know, as opposed to an unknown, disease infected whore." (This one in a comment I recently got in this book. Yep. I nearly threw up).

"Husbands can hit wives. It says so, in the Quran." (Heard in the aftermath of a "Women's protection Bill" being passed in Pakistan.)

"Just like women can't control themselves during shopping, men can't control themselves around women." (Seen in the comments of the same book on Wattpad. My eyes bled, I assure you.)

"*Shows picture of a wrapped candy that looks perfect and an unwrapped candy with dirt and insects crawling all over it* Title: This is why we need Hijab!" (Seen one too many times on my newsfeed)

Dear Ladies.
Girls.
My homies.
My chicas.
PMS buddies.
My Vag-gang.
My sisters.
Fellow Uterus owners.
Dear Women.

Stop. Please. For Allah's sake. Stop apologizing for men who don't apologize for themselves.

Stop giving men, privileges that not even God has given them.

Stop making excuses for their lack of humanity.

Rape is never the victim's fault.
There is no, "But if she had taken care..."
There is no "This is why Islam asks us to cover ourselves..."

Violence isn't inevitable. Cruelty isn't excusable.

Evil is always a choice. The rapist's choice. The cheater's choice. The sadist's choice.

The least smidgen of courtesy, we as bystanders and audiences of oppression, can extend to the victims, is to stop apologizing for the criminals.

No. He couldn't NOT control his lust.

No. It wasn't an accident. His genitals didn't accidentally fall into the victims'.

No. It had nothing to do with the length of her skirt, or lack thereof entirely.

No. He doesn't have to be a bigamist, just so he can avoid becoming a cheater.

No. Men are not all that different from women. They're just treated differently. And they're just raised to believe that they're different.

As Mothers, sisters, wives, daughters, girlfriends, Friends, co-workers, we have the power to change the way men are treated. To change the way, they think. And eventually, to change the way they behave.

So stop. Just stop being sorry for someone else's choice. Stop quoting the excuses they make to justify their lack of control, and humanity.

Stop saying that a brother has the justification to kill his sister, because she was showing off her cleavage on social media (reference to Qandeel Baloch's murder). He. Does. Not.

Stop using the Quran to justify domestic violence. My Allah doesn't sanction violence against women! And neither will He sanction misuse of His word, I'm sure.

And stop comparing women to candies and cellphones, for God's sake!

Do you realize when you make that "insects on unwrapped candy" analogy, you're not just stripping away a girl's humanity by comparing her to an emotionless, inanimate object, but you're also equating men to dirty insects. Insects without intelligence, without choices, without accountability. This is an insult to Allah's creation. He gave humans intellect, reasoning and choice, for a reason. We all could have been. created as Llamas otherwise (which would have been awesome in it's own way, tbh).

It's a stupid analogy. And it demeans the very spirit of what modest dressing, or what a Hijab stands for.

So just stop it.
Stop being your own enemy. Your own willing destructor.

Good things will start happening, if women start supporting their fellow women.

Great things will start happening, If women start supporting the good men, the ones who know how to control their penises. The ones who support and respect all women.

And I have a little faith, that the world might just be awesome one day, if instead of spending their energy defending the scum of this earth, we women start raising children who know how to behave around each other.

That will be all.

Unapologetically yours,

E.