MORTAL ✰ ISAAC LAHEY

[CHAPTER 17]

The I.C.U.

The thing about Lydia Martin was that she was capable. She was smart, popular, and beautiful, but the problem was that those traits were all that others ever saw in her.

There was never any recognition beyond the things people saw on the surface.

No one saw the storm raging in her heart or the whirlwinds of her mind as she thought. The aching in her heart couldn't be subsided sometimes, but a delicately perfected smile could ward away all the people who only faked worry for her.

Sometimes she felt like no one could see her at all — she was screaming in her mind, but not a single person seemed to hear her calling out for help. She was practically flaunting herself, but on the inside, her heart would betray her as she tried to be brave. She mastered the idea of Lydia Martin, but it was a failure.

She made Lydia Martin perfect, but she wasn't perfect. She was more than that, but the second that others saw her as perfect, they didn't see anything else. They saw ditzy, attractive, mean, and charismatic, but they never saw who she was underneath because she had willed herself to build walls and hide behind a mask.

Underneath it all was a nervous girl — she was beyond afraid of being who she really was because the more she thought about it, the more she felt like there wasn't anyone there. She was just boring, not good enough, and unable to be someone who could play a role in the daydreams that she had conjured in her mind. She was an empty feeling that she couldn't ever describe — the closest words for it would be "I don't know."

She tried to hide it and she was successful in doing so, but it felt like a massive lie clinging to her skin. It was always on her mind, even when she tried to push it away, and sometimes, she believed that someone could see right through her, even if it felt like no one could.

Sometimes she could see the small recognition in others as they saw a piece of her that she tried to hide. It was a little glimmer in their eyes as they glanced over her, or even a small smile they tried to hide, but most of the time, it was just ignorance that disappeared as quickly as it came.

There were only a few people that noticed who she really was and they were barely past all her internal barriers. Between Jackson Whittemore and Skylar McCall, Lydia had found herself losing pieces of herself in their comfort and understanding, but Stiles Stilinski was the only one who really tried to see her for who she really was.

Skylar had it easy — she saw right through Lydia without too much effort. She saw pieces of the real Lydia, who was so used to being hidden away that she immediately hid away again.

Perhaps it was because they had known each other for practically forever, but Lydia couldn't deny that Skye was one of the only people who really understood her. It was impossible to deny that the years they had known each other had not impacted that, but it was also impossible to deny the fear that they would lose that, especially now.

It was terrifying to Lydia as her heart thudded in her chest. She was the third visitor allowed instead of being later on the list, and she was grateful that she even got a chance to see her friend. It was selfish to want her own chance, but if it meant she had to deny all morals and destroy her beliefs with her own two hands, she wouldn't spare a second thought if it meant that Skye would miraculously get better.

By the time that she found herself staring through a glass at her best friend, she found that her thoughts had not strayed away from her — it was like an incessant buzzing in her mind. Her thoughts were consumed by fear, panic, and sadness. She couldn't function beyond that.

It didn't matter to her that her knees burned with every step she took as she constantly paced and tripped over her own feet to sink to her knees in tears on hard tiled floor. It didn't matter that her makeup had long been washed away by the sticky tears to leave her appearance way less than perfect. It didn't even matter that for once, everyone saw right through her — she was caring, broken, and afraid, just like everyone else. It didn't matter that she was finally more than just beautiful or popular — she was a real person with feelings and thoughts that were more than what could be contained.

The only thing that mattered to her at the moment was her best friend who might not even live to be her best friend anymore.

// my heart???? ow???? anyways. yo i'm sorry about this. i haven't been updating regularly and i'm sorry, but hey, i wrote this painful little thing just now after writing the next chapter, which is much shorter and for scott. i've been planning all these stories that i never manage to finish and i've been watching criminal minds and smosh a lot so... also, today is my twenty one pilots concert and i'm so excited but nervous so i decided to write this before taking a shower and starting to get ready even if it's only 3:14 pm and the concert technically starts at 7.

but yeah, vote and comment and validate me on my ability to write painful things. it'll put pressure on me to actually write and cry a little, even if it's not for this, and not just watch netflix and ignore all my homework all the time.