Let Me Open Your Eyes

Chapter 23 - Feeding The Ducks

(Very long and really emotional, like crazy emotional, so prepare and spam with comments as usual strangest_mel11)

{"You were all in a way that anyone could have been. 

                       if anybody could have saved me it would have been you"}

The funeral was held within a small church that was just around the corner from the hospital that she had been living in. She had told me that she used to sit by the pretty garden outside it when she went for her weekly walks to get her strength up with her nurse. She would love all of the flowers so after discussing all of the details with her nurse, my mother and I had both decided that there was no better place for it to take place. Her nurse Dalia had spoken at the ceremony, talking about how kind she was and how much she loved her tea and biscuits. She told funny stories about how she tried to break out one day and how she would always ignore their warnings about her sugar levels and sneak in another biscuit. It made me crack a small smile, a slight relief from constantly feeling so numb.

Aspen was understanding when I told him that I wanted to go to the funeral alone. My mother came with me and I think he understood that we needed to be there for each other, without him. He had stopped coming around when she was at home, knowing that we would need some time to heal together.

It is funny how he always seemed to know me better than I knew myself.

"I have some errands to take care of" my mother sniffed lightly, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Okay" I whispered gently.

Her eyes widened slightly before she shook her head with a sheepish smile. I knew that it was going to take some time for her to get used to hearing my voice again and to know that she didn't have to ask me questions that I could either nod or shake my head to. I know that I should have felt some type of relief, and I did, but at the same time the suffocating fear was still as present as ever.

When I got back home, the house was eerily quiet. The atmosphere was still and silent, as if Nana was almost watching over me making sure that I was okay. It put me on edge, my eyes flickering around the room as if expecting somebody to jump out and scare me. The feeling of loneliness settled into my body, weighing me down like I had sacks of flour on my shoulder that made it difficult to walk. Instead of wanting to hide in that lonely feeling like I usually did, I found myself picking up the phone and dialing a familiar number.

"Hi" I whispered into the phone with a small smile. "Are you busy? I kind of need you here right now..."

"I'm on my way" Aspen mumbled softly into my ear.

His voice had always been extremely soothing to me, like it instantly calmed me down, like it was even designed specifically to help me through everything. Just by his words, Aspen had managed to crawl his way into my heart and I didn't see any point or reason to stop him anymore.

When he arrived, his blue eyes were cloudy and sad like they were drained of colour. He looked up at me hesitantly, smiling sadly as if he didn't know what to say. Just by scanning over his features, my eyes drank up the exterior of his smooth and flawless tanned skin, his dark hair and his bright blue eyes that held so much emotion in them that they made me want to crumble to the ground. Just by looking at him, everything already felt like it was on the way to getting better. It felt like everything could get easier with time.

He stumbled back in shock as I launched myself onto him, wrapping myself up in his arms. He hesitated for a few moments before wrapping his arms around me, tucking me into his coat as if to shield me from the breeze coming from the slight open door. He buried his face in my shoulder, drawing comforting circles over my black dress, breathing in deeply as if he wanted every single second to last as much as I did.