How Boys Speak

Brandon Speaks: You're Breaking Up With Me?

Brandon Speaks: You're Breaking Up With Me?

So I have this friend (who isn't part of HowBoysThink) and his girlfriend of 3 years broke up with him. She just ended it with a phone call where she apparently said that she isn't attracted to him anymore.

Now normally, I would have been at shock here. I mean I can't imagine having a girl for three years and all of a sudden she says she's not attracted to me. Who does that? However, I kind of predicted it with this girl because she isn't really a "settler" and before she went out with my friend, Wesley she was quite the partier.

Let's fast forward three days later. One of Wesley's friends sees his ex-girlfriend on a date with the college douchebag. Wesley was devastated at the fact that she didn't even tell him this considering he was a nice guy to her. Unfortunately, that caused Wesley to go through what I like to call "NSS" or" Newly Single Syndrome".

There are three main stages:

The Depression Stage:

So after he heard that his girlfriend (we'll call her Lisa) was seeing another guy, I saw him the next day at university. He informed me about this the day before. I was with Dean at the time.Here's how the conversation went (I think):

Brandon: Hey Wes, how's it going?
Dean: Hey Wesley!
Wesley: Not good man. I literally just lay in bed thinking about her all night. I haven't had one minute of sleep.
Brandon: You serious??

And he carried on about how much he missed her and how hurt he was. It was excruciating to watch how depressed this guy was.

The Angry Stage:

A few days later, he decides to text me.

Wesley: Fuck this! Fuck the world! Let's fuck that guy up?
Brandon: Haha, anytime. He's a fucking douchebag anyway.
Wesley: No, seriously.
Brandon: You should talk to her first.
Wesley: Fuck that!

He didn't end up talking to her or beating the guy up. Instead, he went through the next stage.

 The Paranoia Stage:

So I see him two days later again.

Wesley: Do you think girls find me attractive?
Brandon: Oh come on, you doubting yourself man?
Wesley: No it's just- I don't know, nevermind.
Brandon: Nah, I'm sure they do man.
Wesley: Yeah, I thought so. Do you think I'm shy or outspoken?
Brandon: Just go home, Wes!

So I thought to cheer him up, we'd play a prank on Lisa just to get a few laughs out of him. I hope you enjoy!

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I call Lisa as a psychotic and paranoid phone operator.

*Ring ring*

Lisa: Hello?

Brandon: Hi, this is Michael Lewis. Just to clarify, what is your service provider for your household?

Lisa: It's Phonezone. (I made that name up)

Brandon: Okay good, we have the right person. Since you are a customer of Phonezone we have to warn you that tomorrow we'll be conducting a Phone Line Getdown. Do you know what that is?

Lisa: No, I don't.

Brandon: You gotta get down on it! (LOLWUT?)

Lisa: Sorry?

Brandon: You know when phone calls are noisy? It's because the phone lines are dirty. Now we need to clean these phone lines. Do you know how we do it, George? (I just randomly felt like calling her George.)