Loving You

I. Shattered

Friday, November 11th, 2011

Ripping my arms out of his grasp, I hissed, "Let me go!"

Whirling around, I stared rigidly at one of my best friends. I knew they all blamed me for the accident, but why would they keep me from seeing him? Casper never held grudges, and anyway wouldn't he want to make sure I was okay too? My heart raced up into my throat as the sting of tears threatened my eyes before I blinked them back, angrily.

"Aspen, wait," Benny pleaded, trying to get me to pause for just a second, but I'd already stepped passed him and walked purposefully into Casper's hospital room. The stench of cleaning supplies and disinfectant made my stomach churn the moment I'd woken up in a room down the hall, but that was nothing compared to how it felt when I spotted him lying sleepily in bed with bandages wrapped around his head. My heart contracted painfully seeing him in such a vulnerable state.

"Cas," I breathed, relieved to see his eyes flutter open and focus strictly on me, while the others filed noiselessly into the room behind me. "Are you feeling okay? Is there anything I can get you?" Slowly, I moved to his bedside.

Confusion marred Casper's angular features as he glanced from me to our friends and back. "Are you a nurse?" Skeptically, he eyed me up and down. He'd never leered at me that way before.

I froze, not sure what to think. Maybe he was all drugged up or something. "No. It's me, Aspen." I did my best to stay calm, my voice not betraying the unsteady racing of my heart, while my gaze remained fixed to his face.

Casper scowled, glaring behind me at Benny and Ari. "Is this some kind of joke?" he spat, angrier than I'd seen him in a while. "I told you I didn't know anyone by that name, so you bring some random here?" His eyes burned with rage and I stumbled back at his steely words, trying to comprehend what they meant.

"You don't remember me?" I choked out as tears suddenly stung my eyes. How could he forget? We'd spent years-

"No. Get out," he demanded coldly, not a hint of remorse showing through his hardened features.

"B-b-but-"

"Get out!" The monitors hooked up to his body in several different places started beeping incessantly, and Benny silently grabbed my arm, dragging me out of the room while Ari stayed behind to calm Casper down.

"I'm sorry." Benny hesitantly broke the weighted silence as he led me back to my room. "We tried to warn you."

I stared blankly ahead as my heart shattered to pieces and despair wrapped around me like a thick menacing fog. What was I gonna do? We'd had a plan. But... "He doesn't remember me," I whispered brokenly, managing to just barely hold myself together for Benny's sake.

His hard eyes softened. "The doctor said it might not last forever," he offered in faint reassurance, but that did nothing for me.

"That's just a reason for false hope." The pain hit me again even harder, and I curled into a ball on the bed. I was overjoyed to find out that he was alive and okay, but he wasn't. He may have lived, but I had a feeling he wouldn't be coming back to me any time soon, if ever.

"Don't do anything drastic," Benny pleaded sharply, but the wheels were already turning in my head. My new plans weren't about to be deterred so easily. How could I live with someone who didn't remember me? Who didn't want to remember me? I couldn't.

The next few weeks, I tried every day to get Casper to talk to me, to even just look at me. But he flat out refused. He screamed and yelled until someone had to drag me out. He said nasty things about what kind of person he thought I was and didn't even bother letting me try to explain who we were to each other. He didn't want to hear it, and I was sick of trying. I had only one option left as far as I was concerned.