Loving You

IX. Apprehensive

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2015

"This is actually perfect for a rehearsal space. You'd just have to put up some sound proofing materials, and maybe carpeting or something other than concrete." Casper looked around for a few minutes before his gaze landed on my new keyboard. He didn't look impressed. "Huh. This isn't the standard of instrument that we're used to, but we can work with this. What do you guys think?"

Benny shrugged. "Yeah. Whatever."

"It's fine."

For an hour, Casper showed me some of his latest work on the new album. He showed me lyrics, music he'd written, everything he had, it seemed like. He let me listen to rough recordings of a few songs that he filmed on his phone, and he didn't mind when I sat at the piano and just started playing along with whatever sounded right at the time. Trying not to think about what a dream come true it was, I lost myself in the music. And all of a sudden I could breathe again. For the first time in years.

While we were in our own little world, I was acutely aware of Ari and Benny whispering to each other behind me. They would laugh and bicker and joke around, but as soon as I addressed either of them, they shut right up, giving me glacial looks. I couldn't understand why they even bothered showing up, anyway.

"This is great! I think if we keep this up, we actually have a chance at making it sound the way it is in my head. Can we meet up again the same time next week?" Casper stood up and stretched, after our lengthy session playing around at the keyboard. It gave me chills how easy it was to play music with him, like slipping back into an old bad habit. I knew it was wrong, but in the moment, it felt so good and familiar. "You guys ready to get outta here?"

Benny was on his feet in an instant, while Ari continued to lounge on the old couch, we'd brought down for storage. It had lived most of its life in Gran and Gus' place, until they insisted that I take it, when Bexley and I moved into our first apartment. Benny's anger was well-hidden while he spoke to Cas, but I knew him. I knew what to look for.

"Yep. We're ready. You guys hungry?"

"Hell yeah." Ari brushed his thick, dark, hair out of his eyes and he jumped off the couch like he'd been shocked. "I'm fucking starved."

"Cool. I have to use the bathroom first, then we can go."

All four of us headed upstairs, and when I glanced at the clock on my phone, I was surprised that three hours had passed. I hadn't heard hide nor hair from my wild child or my curious housemates. Which in theory, sounded great. In reality, though, it made my stomach churn with anxiety.

"Bathroom's down the hall. First door on the right," I directed as my heart started hammering into my throat. I never anticipated being left alone with them. I figured the second Casper was out of earshot they'd say whatever they'd clearly been holding back all day.

They didn't disappoint.

When the bathroom door clicked shut, Benny was in my face instantly, backing me up against the wall near the front door. "You fucking bitch," he snarled, trying to keep his voice down. Which I appreciated.

"Chill out." I shoved him away from me, looking in every direction to make sure my attack dogs weren't anywhere in sight. Soren and Duke were vicious when provoked. "He didn't want me around, so I left. I didn't find him. He found me. So, tell me. What the hell did I do wrong?"

Benny took another step toward me, but Ari grabbed him and yanked him back far enough to give me a couple inches of breathing room.

"You left!" he shouted. I'd obviously pissed him off enough that trying to control his volume was the last thing on his mind. "It wasn't just Casper you left behind. It wasn't just him who needed you. We all relied on you, and you just left without even saying goodbye!" He pushed Ari out of his way and stormed toward me. I thought for sure, he was about to get physically violent, and I instinctively flinched as he got close. All the blood drained from his face at my reaction. For a second, I thought I caught a glimpse of tears in his eyes, but before I could get a closer look, he pulled open the door and slipped outside, letting it slam shut behind him.