Two Sides Of A Coin

12~Erik

January One
I got a lot of things on my mind
I'm looking at my body
Through a new spy satellite
I try to lift a finger
But I don't think I can make the call
So tell me if I move
'Cause I don't feel anything at all
So carry me
I'm just a dead man
Lying on the carpet
Can't find a heartbeat
~"Dead Man" by Jars of Clay

A/N: Text that is underlined is a quote by Erik from a comic.

The silence that fills the small hotel room is stifling. I shuffle uneasily at the foot of Charles' bed. Moira has claimed the other bed and I hear the cover ruffle as she tries to get settled on top of the covers. Charles is the only one who seems to be at peace. He hasn't moved for over an hour.  After Moira and I turned our backs so that Charles could trade his sopping wet pants for a new pair and we pulled the sheets of the bed off so that he could lie on the dry mattress, he has been seemingly at peace. His temperature declined and he became a rational being once again. He may appear to be calm, but inside his head is a storm of thoughts...

The blank wall in front of me provides a bleak source of entertainment as I stare at it and try to stay alert. I am tempted to let my thoughts roam and consider the images I had seen and felt from Charles' mind, but I do not want to distract myself with emotion. I feel a gentle nudge in the back of my mind. Charles must be asking for entrance to my thoughts. I calm myself down and open my mind.

"Erik could we--uh... talk in here for a moment?"

Charles must want to converse with me in private so that Moira is not privy to our dialogue.

"Yes" I respond.

"Erik, I--I'm sorry you had to see that."

He is referring to his set of dreams or visions that I was forced to experience. Why would he apologize for that? It was not his fault... He doesn't instantly reply to my thoughts so I appreciate the fact that he is not reading my mind, instead he has set up a psychic connection that would allow us to talk.

"It wasn't under your control. There is no need to apologize."

"Still, I subjected you to those-- whatever they were. You have felt enough pain, you shouldn't have been exposed to mine."

"It...it...gave me a better understanding of you. I never knew you felt that way about the world...about Cain...and Moira...and even me..."

Emotions are not something I profess to feel strongly. I prefer to keep them hidden within me. If no one knows how my mind works or how I feel then that makes me less vulnerable to manipulation. I was like a fortress, protected and secure, until one man finally managed to breech the walls using the gifts he was bestowed. Charles saw straight through me, which is something I will never recover from. You're more than my friend, Charles, you're my brother. I have no one else to turn to. No one I dare trust...

"You know I believe the best in people, Erik. Everyone has it in them to become the better man. I believe you are more than capable of becoming a teacher and guiding young mutants towards peace and understanding. I just want you to know that, as much as I want you to take that path, I would never control you or anyone else into making that situation in the dream real."

"Charles, I appreciate your faith in me, but you'll understand if I don't have the same belief in myself."

I'm not a hero. I've never claimed to be one before and I don't intend to start to be one now. Our roles are nothing more than how the times choose to cast us.