The Princess Bride

Chapter Forty: Man And Wife

Elsa, for her part, felt no excitement whatsoever.  She had, in fact, never remembered such a wonderful feeling of calm.  Her Jack was coming; that was her world.  Ever since the Prince had dragged her to her room she had spent the intervening hours thinking of way to make Jack happy. There was no way he could miss stopping her wedding.  That was the only thought that could survive the trip across her conscious mind. 

So when she heard the wedding was to be moved up, she wasn't the least upset.  Jack was always prepared for contingencies, and if he could rescue her at six, then he could just as happily rescue her at half past five.

Actually, Prince Hans got things going even faster then he had hoped.  It was 5:23 when he and his bride-to-be were kneeling before the aged Archdean of Florin.  It was 5:24 when the Archdean started to speak.

And 5:25. When the screaming started outside the main gate. 

Elsa only smiled softly. Here comes my Jack now, was all she thought.

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It was not, in point of fact, her Jack that was causing the commotion out front. Jack was doing all he could to simply walk straight down the incline toward the main gate without help. Ahead of him, Aster struggled with the heavy wheelbarrow. The reason for its weight was that North stood on it, arms wide, eyes bl;aging, voice blooming in terrible rage: "I AM THE DREAD PIRATE JACKSON AND THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS." He said that over and over, his voice echoing and reverberating as his rage increased. He was, standing there, gliding down through the darkness, quite an imposing figure, seeming, all in all, probably close to ten feet tall, with voice to match.  But even that was not he cause of the screaming.

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Cluster, from his position by the gate, was reasonably upset at the roaring giant gliding down toward them through the darkness.  Not that he doubted his hundred men could dispatch the giant; the upsetting thing was that, of course, the giant would be aware of that too, and logically there must be somewhere in the dimness out there be any number of gains helpers. Other pirates, anything. Who could tell? Still, the men held together remarkably staunchly.

It was only when the giant got halfway down the incline that he suddenly, happily, burst into flame and continued his trip saying.  "NO SURVIVORS, NO SURVIVORS!" In a manner that could only indicate deadly sincerity.

It was seeing him happily burning and advancing that started the Brute Squad to screaming. And once that happened, why, Everybody panicked and ran...

Once the panic was well under way, Cluster realised, he had next to be chance of bringing things immediately under control. Besides, the giant was terribly close now, and the roar of "NO SURVIVORS" made it very hard to do any solid thinking, but fortunately he had the sense to grab the one and only key to the castle and hide it on his person.

Fortunately too, Jack had the sense to of for such behaviour. "Give me the key," Jack said the Cluster, once Aster had his sword securely pressuring Cluster's Adam's apple.

"I have not key," Cluster replied.  "I swear on the grave of my parents; may my mother's should forever sizzle in torment if I am lying."

"Tear his arms of," Jack said to North, who was sizzling a bit himself now, because there was a limit as to just how long a holocaust clock was really good for, and he wanted to strip a bit, but before he did that, he reached for Cluster's arms.