Forgiveness (Chenry)

Broken Glass

Charlotte's POV

Another month passed after the park incident, meaning it's been about two months since my best friend raped me against his will. I have tried to push my feelings aside, but they are so conflicted. I love Henry so much that it hurts at some point I may have even been in love with him. However, I can't help but question how can I possibly not hate him. I just don't know anymore. I tried to hate him, but I can't knowing that he only did it to save me. I tried to forget that it even happened, but being in the same room as him brings the memories back. It's not like I can google my answer or read a book about it. Speaking to my therapist is out of the question. Can you imagine that, 'Dana, how do you forgive the person who holds your heart and shattered it all at the same time'? 

So, about a week after my confession to the Lord in the park I decided to pretend to be happy and okay. I started smiling more, laughing and spending time with my friends again (except Henry). It's nice to see them, but it's hard putting on this mask of being happy when inside I'm just a broken little girl. A broken little girl, who lost herself the moment her innocence was taken away from her. 

As I lay on my bed, curled up into a ball, I feel my eyes begin to tear up again. However, instead of letting them fall I viscously wipe them and clutching my teddy bear (that Henry gave me) to my chest. "You will not cry...you're happy...you have no reason to cry..." I yell to myself. 

My body began to shake as the pain became unbearable; how can it make it stop hurting? How can I numb the pain?

I heard someone walking inside of my bedroom and I felt my bed dip slightly at the end of it. I didn't lift my head to see who it was thinking that it was just my mom or dad. Until, I felt someone pull me up into a sitting position, then they gathered me into their arms pulling me onto their lap. "Let them out...you can't keep it in anymore...I won't let you" he whispered stroking my hair "talk to me." 

I lifted my head as I let the tears fall down my face, "It's funny how you're the one person who hurt me so deeply that you shattered me...you didn't just break me you destroyed me...only leaving jagged pieces" I whispered in his ear

"That's not funny Char...it's not funny at all" he contradicted as he let his own tears fall.

"It's funny because you're still one of the people I trust the most in the world." I admitted placing my hand on his cheek.

He smiled slightly, "Char, I know that's not all you have to say...tell me every thought you had...every problem you've faced because of this...every fear...hit me, scream... do whatever you have to do to me."

"You want to know everything I have kept bottled up inside of me for the past two months!" I yelled getting off his lap and moving slightly away from him "When you stole my virginity I experienced two horrific pains...the pain of you tearing my body apart and the pain of you ripping my heart apart!"

"Char..." he began before I interrupted him "Shut up! You will not speak until I finish!..the shame of being so exposed and so vulnerable in front of that witch Veronica...knowing that you weren't as hurt as she wanted you to be be-because...because I'm not Bianca..."

He stayed quiet just listening to me, "I had no one to talk to...not my parents, not my friends, I couldn't even speak to my therapist!..my parents think I'm depressed and I can't go to work...I can't even think of Kid Danger without wanting to die inside...I can't even look at myself in the window because I know that somehow this was my fault...I caused this, but you...you carried it out..."

"I'm so sorry Charlotte" he confessed wiping my tears.

I smiled leaning into his touch before I grabbed his hand removing it from my face. "I'm sorry too Henry...I'm sorry that I can't forget about what you did, no matter how much I want to."

He reached for my hand, grasping it into his larger hand as he looked into my eyes, "The key isn't forgetting that it happened. It's accepting that it happened; forgiving me, Veronica and yourself; and moving on with you life...seeing yourself not as a victim, but as a survivor."

Several minutes passed before I spoke, "I want to forgive you...I really do, but it's so hard!..I-I'm trying, I really am, but I don't know how" I pulled my hand away from his "I hope that you can forgive me for not forgiving you" 

My tears would not stop, "C-Can you please leave now?" I asked

Henry stood up, "It's okay Charlotte because I know one day you'll be strong enough to forgive me...and on the day you find that strength to forgive I'll be there waiting...I won't ever stop waiting not even after I take my last breath." After this he walked to the window, climbing out without looking back.

"I am so sorry..." I whispered again

Thank you for reading guys! And please forgive me I wrote this when I was half asleep. But, the idea just came to me and I had to publish it. Well, please tell me what you think! Comment below.

Please and thank you,

LaLa