Poems & Short stories

I miss loving you

... Why am I writing this? I told myself I was over her already!

 Look, I don't need you anymore! You've done enough... I AM over you!! It's just I see you happy now and it makes me glad to see but ashamed I couldn't make you feel that same way for too long... That you had to find someone else.

 Though I truly am happy for you... I just, can't help but miss loving you... Sure, we're friends... but that's nothing close to the same. When I see you frustrated and lying on my couch feeling hopeless and in cramping pain due to a monthly time of Mother Nature, I can't help but miss when I was allowed to hug you and give you a tender kiss, and tell you that everything would be alright...

 When you talk to him for hours on end and leave me on the side like a paused video game awaiting your return, I smile... Because I remember when that was me on the other line. Talking about anything, everything but it really be nothing at all. We could have a whole conversation and not say a word. I would have to find another phone because the one I had would be dyeing.

 When you beg him to tell you a story late at night, I remember the stories I told you late at night and in the wee hours of the morning. Hugging you close when they got scary, wiping your tears when they was sad, and smothering our laughs in the pillow to keep from waking someone up when they were funny.

 When you sing a song and think of him, I remember almost every day you was telling me how this song reminded you of us, or me... when I would get a song stuck in your head.

 When he made you your sandwiches and got them wrong, I couldn't help but remember the time i took to ask you how you wanted them, and making them for you when we killed the night.

 Everything you do, I can't help and remember, at one time.... that was me. When he left you in tears at the airport saying he'll be back, you held my hand tightly walking away. I've made a few mistakes, but I was there for you as much as I could be. I was there when he had to leave, and offered you a hug. One of the hugs I remembered you’d say took all the pain away. And you turned it down... I'll admit I was confused I didn't know who hurt more at the moment you... or me?

 I watch you depressed on the couch and I want to run my hands through your gorgeous hair but the slightest touch you pull away. Since remembering, things have went wrong, on purpose I'm not sure... a lack of concentration caused me a 3rd year in the same grade, and a first degree burn. Each song you said was ours is now yours and his. The radio now stays silent and every time I see your face I'm thinking, where did I go wrong?

 But yes I'm over you! We will stay just friends just as we probably always should have stayed. The deepest secret sharing at night should never have been. Losing you was hard, and it took a while to tumble, stagger and struggle to get back on my feet. But I'm here. Over the bridge, but can't help to glance back while walking away.

Because I miss the early morning calls, the late night stories, the tight never ending hugs, the heart to heart connection and tears, the nights filled with hot passion... the feeling of ‘I can't wait to see her gleaming brown eyes so big with an innocent smile’... the songs we shared and the meaningless arguments we had. I miss when I had to apologize first, when you said sorry and all it took was a smirk and 2 words to make it like it never happened, "already, forgiven." And 3 words to have you in my arms, "I love you." I miss the grudge you would try to hold against me and welcome you back with open arms and a smile. I miss cooking for you, pleasing you, making you laugh,.....

 I, miss loving you...