The Chronicles of Smith & Jones

Chapter Twenty - Romance

"Home?" Smith asked with his nose upturned, eyebrow raised and, for some reason, his hand down the front of his trousers. "This does not look like London to me, my good woman."

"Not your home, Smith," Kris replied. She felt incredibly warm all of a sudden, though she knew full well that the artificial atmosphere of the orbital facility was anything but warm. It was, or at least it should have been, six degrees below room temperature. "This is my home, or at least this is where I live for several months of the year. Glance outta' that window; you'll see Earth."

Smith did as he was bade and discovered very quickly that Kris was, just as he suspected, correct. He turned, intending to say something to that effect, though the scene taking place behind Kris distracted him completely.

"Jones!" he said, and his hand was still down the front of his trousers, but as no one appeared to have noticed he decided not to worry about it too much. "Why the devil are you licking H'ver?"

"It's rather enjoyable, actually," the little robot replied. "In fact, I don't mind at all."

"There's something wrong, here," said Boogaloo, sucking in air and tasting it on his tongue as one might taste wine, if one was so inclined. "The air, it tastes... off."

"It always tastes like that," said Kris, shrugging, though despite her calm demeanour she was getting incredibly worried, indeed, for not only was she burning up but she was beginning to suspect that at any moment, she would be overcome with desire; enough to hump Boogaloo's leg. "This facility might be in orbit but at its core it's a living, breathing organism... A Rankatalaaa'h."

"A Rankatalaaa'h?" Jones asked, taking a break from licking H'ver for a moment, much to the mechanoid's obvious despair, because he thought he should probably add something to the conversation, even if that something was nothing more than repeating an incredibly odd word, indeed. "What in all of creation is a Rankatalaaa'h?"

"It's like a beaver," Kris replied. There was nothing else for it, she simply had to remove her garments, and whilst she did so she continued. "Only it's way, way bigger. If a beaver was the same size as a football stadium, and had been taking steroids for thirteen years, and it was really fat. That's how big it is."

Jones was about to ask from whence the Rankatalaaa'h came, but Kris chose that very moment to leap towards Boogaloo and, well to be perfectly honest this is a family show and I'm sure you can imagine what happened after that...

Suffice it to say, nineteen hours later - because Bingleboo's were incredibly patient, passionate and considerate lovers - a bedraggled Kris dismounted Boogaloo the Bingleboo to discover that of all her friends, she was the only one still conscious.

Boogaloo appeared to be sleeping off the marathon session, whereas H'ver was, well... 'splattered,' will probably suffice, and fast asleep curled up in the arms of both Smith and Jones.

On incredibly shaky legs, legs so shaky that she was not entirely certain how they were able to carry her, Kris very nakedly set about exploring. The last time she had been home was about an hour or so before she had first encountered Smith and Jones, and the more she thought about it the more she could not help but think that Boogaloo may well have been correct. Something was off, though she could not be entirely - or otherwise, to be fair - certain, what that was.

The facility itself appeared to be deserted. That in itself was unusual, but not unheard of. There could have been any number of reasons for there to be no one about, and she mentally listed those reasons whilst grinding her lady garden inexplicably against a handy bulkhead for another several hours.

"So we're not in the loop," she muttered as she continued on, having done whatever it was that she was doing. "We can't be in the loop and that means... that means..."

In truth, Kris had no idea at all what that meant, though I'm certain that much was already clear.

She eventually found her way to the facility's core, and leant against the rail overlooking the Rankatalaaa'h, far below.

You seem troubled, child.

Kris had completely forgotten about the Rankatalaaa'h's ability to speak, albeit directly into the mind of a given individual, and it took her very much by surprise, so much so that she caught her exposed nipple upon the rail which sent countless shivers of excitement and ecstasy through her (what should have been, at least) totally spent, form.

"Something strange is happening," she replied, when she finally came down from the last of her intense, ovary-juddering climaxes.

Something strange is always happening.

"True, but I reckon this takes the proverbial biscuit."

It's easy enough to explain. The Rankatalaaa'h paused, and did so for so long that Kris began to suspect that it might not be that easy to explain at all but within a few moments, it was back to projecting its voice into Kris' noggin. Evilstien was here and he injected an inordinate amount of rabbit pheromones into my soft drive. I could not prevent my system from flushing the foreign material out the only way it could; into the facility itself.

"Well, that explains why we've been fucking like bunnies," she said with a smirk. "But why? What could he possibly hope to achieve?"

With the facility out of commission, he was able to steal every single power cube in storage.

"There's more than one?" Kris was annoyed. She had spent who knew how long travelling through the Sub-Genreiverse searching for the power cube.

There wasn't, until your superiors began to worry that you were not going to return, so they built seventeen more.

"And Evilstien has them all?"

Yes. The Rankatalaaa'h sounded despondent, if it was possible for an enormous, 'roided beaver to sound despondent. But before he took them, I was able to activate their emergency beacons. With any luck, he won't have noticed so you will be able to track them.

"Why me?" she asked, huffily. "Not being funny but what's to stop me from fucking it all for a game of soldiers?"

You. And Kris felt the Rankatalaaa'h smile. Now, I do believe there's about to be an incredibly bright and blinding white...