The Chronicles of Smith & Jones

Chapter Three - DecoPunk

As it happened, the loop took them to a place like neither Smith nor Jones had ever imagined could possibly exist.

Kris – for during the brief jump from Space Opera to, well, wherever they were, she had insisted that her gentleman companions pronounce her name with a 'K,' rather than a 'C,' as she'd had about as much of their disdain at addressing her by a name both insisted was masculine as she could take – put their pirated vessel down upon the dusty, desolate ground.

"Y'all don't stray too far from the ship now," she said, cricking her neck and flexing her fingers in an effort to get some feeling back into them. "We're in a place none of us wanna' be for too long."

"And where might that be, Kris?" Jones asked, putting more emphasis than was absolutely necessary upon the K.

"The Decopunk portion of the loop," she replied with a shiver. "Trust me, it ain't all roses and candycanes like it sounds like it ought to be."

"Decopunk?" asked Smith.

"Yeah," she replied. "Before we head outside we should check the ship. Reckon there ought to be a couple or three modified suits. It's pretty harsh out there."

There was not much of the ship to explore and as such, it was not at all long before they did indeed locate three incredibly large suits.

"Biosuits," said Kris. "Put one on and you'll be fine, with or without the helmet although I recommend the former. There's a filtration system contained within, basically it'll take the bad shit in the atmosphere and turn it into good shit y'all can breathe."

"The mouth on you!" said Jones, shaking his head. "I've known sailors and whores more refined, Milady."

"Yeah?" she asked with a shrug. "You should hear me when I'm riding reverse cowgirl." As an added effect she slapped her behind, gritted her teeth and moaned just loud enough to make both Smith and Jones squirm.

"I am not entirely sure what 'riding reverse cowgirl' means, Jones," said Smith a moment later when Kris was out of earshot. "I do believe, however, that I should like to find out."

Once outside the vessel, all three found that although the biosuits allowed for easy breathing, movement was not quite so natural, nor was the regulation of temperature. The Sun beat down menacingly from a cloudless sky, parching the very earth upon which they walked.

"Yonder," said Kris breathlessly, pointing towards a rocky outcrop a few hundred feet away. "That should give us a good lay of the land, and we won't be too far from the ship."

Smith and Jones trudged uncomfortably behind Kris, the female apparently much more able to to function within the biosuit.

"I have a question for you, Madam," Jones shouted, his voice carrying far over the desert and echoing back off the outcrop towards which they were headed.

"Keep it down, ijit!" she hissed in reply. "These suits come equipped with com unites. Means I could hear you fart if you were a thousand clicks away."

"Apologies," the man answered, much more quietly this time, "but about my question?"

"Ask away," Kris replied, rolling her eyes.

"This subspace communications array, or whatever it was that you called it... Why did it go so wrong?"

"It didn't," she replied, shrugging heavily. "'Least it did what it was s'posed to do. The Sci-Fi loop was an unforeseen side effect. No one knows why it occurred but hey, that's physicists for you, right?"

"Erm, I suppose..."

Kris was halfway up the outcrop by now and by the time Smith and Jones reached the top she was laying on her belly, staring out at what was without a doubt a mightily impressive sight.

The two men did likewise and positioned themselves as flat as their biosuits would permit on either side of the woman.

"That city..." Smith said in wonder. "It reaches the clouds!"

"And beyond, I'd wager," Kris replied. Hundreds and thousands of buildings stretched several thousand feet from the ground. The sky over the desert may well have been clear and cloudless but the sky above and around the great city more than made up for it with a thick coating of smog, smoke and cloud.

Where the Sun did manage to break through, rays reflected brilliantly and briefly off the buildings. Kris estimated they were looking at billions of square feet of shiny, gleaming chrome.

"Do you think they have any biscuits?" Jones asked.

"And some tea," said Smith. "I'm positively parched."

"Y'all ain't gonna' find out," said Kris with a chuckle. "Trust me, we go within a thousand feet of the city gates and those sentinels would deep fry us all, extra crispy."

She pointed to a spot west of the gates where a sentinel moved, hovering a few feet off the ground. Even from such a great distance its weapon's array was quite visible.

"No tea then?" asked a despondent Smith. "Bugger."

Heavy footsteps at their six made the trio turn awkwardly around. They did wish they had not done so though, as now they were staring down the barrel of an enormous gun attached to an equally as enormous, biosuited individual. All three were surprised – even Kris, and it took a fair bit to surprise her – when said individual spoke with the softest, most feminine of voices. Just because her voice was soft and feminine though, that most definitely did not mean the words that she spoke followed suit.

"Well well, what the fuck've we got here? Spies is my train of thought. Get the fuck to your feet you shit-eating rebel motherfuckers."

"I do beg your pardon," said Jones as he made it to his feet first. He received an armoured fist to the jaw for his trouble though and landed in the dirt, wishing that he had added the helmet to his ensemble as his companions had done.

"That bloody loop best kick in quick," Kris whispered. "Gonna' have to fight this bitch elsewise."

By 'quick,' Kris of course meant within a matter of seconds and as almost ten seconds had passed without any sign of the loop moving them on to whatever came next, she figured she had better find out if her ass could cash the cheque her mouth had countersigned.

She flung herself at the woman, drawing her fist back whilst in mid air. As she did so, her suit detected that she was on the offensive and decided to help her out by way of turning itself into a weapon; more specifically, the right arm of the biosuit opened up and a small gun rose from the mechanism within.

Small it might have been but it certainly packed a punch, sending a volley of laser fire directly into the woman's chest.

"Run for the ship, get her off the ground," she yelled. "I'll catch up!"

To be fair, that shout would have been too late had it been even five minutes prior for Smith and Jones had not taken a step between them before the air crackled and there was an annoyingly familiar flash of bright, white light.