Twice

XI

"Lindsey!" Stevie tried opening the door herself, but soon realized he locked it. "Open up, dammit!"

She, of course, didn't get any kind of answer, as she continued banging on the door and asking for him. 

"Alright then, I'm just going to sit here, until eventually you have to come out." Stevie said loudly, then went to the car, to talk to Karen. "You can leave. This is obviously going to take a while."

"What do you mean? Are you seriously going to wait outside until he lets you in?"

Nodding her head, she added. "I will. I have to."

Reluctantly, but Karen did as asked, leaving Stevie, as she knew her to be stubborn, there was no chance she was going to back down and leave, before she got to talk to Lindsey.

So, sitting down on concrete steps, Stevie sighed looking ahead, trying to figure out, what could have caused this reaction from Lindsey. Did she get him that mad by not contacting him, by just leaving the way she did? Somehow she feared there was more.

Stevie had no idea how long it had been, when she heard the click of the lock at last, then the door opening, but she didn't turn around, waiting for what was to come next. 

"Why are you still here?" 

"I told you, I was going to stay until you let me in." 

"I wouldn't have come out if not the girls, they feel sorry for you." Lindsey said in a calm tone of voice - something Stevie didn't expect. "Please, Stevie, just go home..."

"I won't. First, I want to know what I've done to get the door slammed into my face."

"Can we talk another day? I really don't feel up to-"

"Shut up, Lindsey." She finally got up on her feet. "Is it because I refused to speak to you and left? Okay, I admit I should have handled it all differently and I'm sorry. I'm back, I'm here now and I was going to say that I was sorry as soon as you let me in, but..."

"It's not that." He shook his head, closing the front door, so they could talk in private. Sticking his hands into his jeans pockets, he sighed, looking everywhere but her. "It's about how you whenever you need someone, you go to everyone else but me."

Frowning, she stepped up closer, trying to make him concentrate on her. "What... what are you talk about?"

"I'm talking about the man you were kissing at the airport."

Swallowing uneasily, Stevie started fidgeting with the rings on her fingers. "Ho-how do you know about that?"

"Since the Internet is such a good source for finding out information about the person you've known longer than anyone else, whom you love from the bottom of your heart, but it's never enough for them, I decided to locate you through it, to get something about where you may have been and what you've been doing." He shrugged, looking at the ground again. "And I did find out, where and who you've been doing..."

"Lindsey, no..." She shook her head, reaching for him, but he backed away and it stung her. "It's not like that. Dean and I are nothing to each other, he's a friend."

"I wasn't aware that's how you're supposed to be kissing friends."

"Well, okay, we had a thing, but it's over and most likely I'm never going to see him again, at least, not like that."

"Is it where you've been the whole time?"

"Yeah, I didn't know where else to go..."

"Why didn't you come to me, Stevie?"

"Because you fucked things up for me again! Because I was angry at you, hurt by you! How was I supposed to run back to you?!"

"Do you still love me?" Lindsey asked, as if he hadn't heard what she just said.

"Of course I love you, I will never stop and you don't have to ask that. But... what good is this love between us?" Her lip was trembling as she asked him. "I'm going to keep on waiting for when you can see me, then after you do, you'll come home to your wife and it will hurt me, and I will ask myself, why the hell am I still doing this, after so many years?"

"Only that I'm not sure I still have a wife to come home to." Lindsey said, locking eyes with Stevie, seeing how confused she was. "Mick didn't tell you?"

"What did he have to tell me?"

"Kristen's been gone for weeks, since we came home from the tour. She said, she needed a break and left. I haven't spoken to her since then, I think she's mad me, because she talks to the kids, but not me. She's just... I don't think I have her anymore either, just like I don't have you."

"Linds..." Stevie closed the gap between them, taking his hand out of the pocket and laced her fingers with his. "You should have told me that yourself."

"So, then you wouldn't have got on a plane and went to fuck your pain away?"

Wanting to reply, but deciding to try and control it, Stevie let that go. "You have me. No matter what, you will always have me." She put her hands on his face, standing on her tiptoes, wanting to kiss him, but he hung his head low, gripping her wrists, as he pulled back. 

"Go home, Stevie. I... I just want to be alone."

"Lindsey, don't do this, don't push me away."

"I'm not. I'm just saying, that we both need to think this through, to ask ourselves if there's a point of us moving forward together, in whatever way." He added, seeing tears escape her eyes. 

"Do you love me?" Stevie asked him now.

"I do, but..." Shrugging with a sigh, Lindsey glanced at her for a brief moment. "Goodbye." Then he walked back into the house, leaving Stevie standing in front of it, with her mouth agape, shocked and just so very confused.

He looked so done. So done...