Twice

VI

Mick didn't let Stevie greet him once he returned. He couldn't just blindly believe everything Lindsey told him, but he wasn't about to act as if he was perfectly happy with her either. 

"So, what happened then?" Stevie followed after Mick into the living room. 

"We talked." Contemplating on how much to say, he slumped down on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands. "I have one question for you and I hope you'll answer me honestly."

"Of course." Nodding her head, she knelt in front of him, covering his hands with her own. "What is it?"

"When Lindsey came to see you, after the news that we're back together broke, did you let him kiss you?"

"No! Oh my God, did he tell you that I did?!" Jumping to her feet faster than she should have, she winced a little. 

"He said you let him, yeah."

"That is so not true, Mick, I swear. Yes, he came to my condo, yes, we talked. He was yelling things at me, but after some time, we both calmed down and he... he comforted me. Then he tried to kiss me, but I pushed him away and told him to leave."

"How do I know you're telling me the truth? It's your word against Lindsey's." Mick said, leaving Stevie speechless, as she stood staring at him.

"You're actually going to believe him and not me, the woman you're in a relationship with, the woman you claim to love?"

"I don't know who or what to believe anymore, Stevie, if I'm honest. I just..." Shrugging, he shook his head. "I didn't think this would be so hard. I thought we'd finally grown up, you know. I didn't imagine us being together would cause so many troubles."

Hugging herself around the middle, she listened to him speak and it was hard to believe the things that he was saying, it sounded like he had already given up. "Mick, there aren't any troubles besides Lindsey being an asshole."

"He said, you would never love me or really, anyone else, like you still love him." Looking up, meeting her eyes, he added. "And the sad thing is I know it's true, I know if you denied it, you'd be lying."

Approaching him again, Stevie sat down next to Mick, reaching for his hands. "You're right, I can't deny it, without being dishonest. But Mick... here I am, with you. Lindsey and I had about a billion chances and we have either wasted them or hurt each other immensely. We're simply not meant to be."

"And we are?"

"Well, if you're in this with such wonderful attitude, then I think we're only wasting our time." Letting go of him, Stevie leaned back against the couch, closing her eyes, as she sighed heavily. "I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I would have definitely not tried again if there wasn't anything between us."

After a moment of silence, Mick said. "You haven't told me that you loved me once, since we started seeing each other again."

"It... it hasn't been very long yet."

"Please, don't tell me that's your excuse. I've been waiting for you to say that to me. From when we were first together, even if we broke up, I still loved you to this day, I just couldn't voice it, but now I can and I can't find a reason, why I shouldn't do it. If you felt the same, you would have no problem in admitting it."

"Love is a strong word."

"And it's a shame only one of us has it for the other." 

Tears stinging her eyes, her throat felt as if it had closed up and she couldn't reply and it was because it was true. During the tour, they were simply fooling around, she didn't have to feel so alone, but now... She would much rather pretend she was happy with her little dog, that kept her company, telling the whole world she didn't need a man, than continue this farce of a relationship. On the other hand, she would have, if Lindsey hadn't showed, he still cared.

"So, this is it then?"

"I'm so sorry..." Stevie said quietly. "I don't want you to think that I played you, led you on, used you... I really needed you, Mick, and you were so good to me, but I think that this is it. I know I've hurt you already, but I don't want to hurt you even more."

Standing up and without facing her, Mick said. "I'm going out for some time and I would really appreciate it if you had whatever things you had here packed and left."

Doing her best not to start sobbing until he walked out the door, Stevie then let it go as soon as she was sure he wasn't in the house anymore. Things were going so well until once again Lindsey interfered. The way he spoke to her, the things he said, she knew it meant he probably still loved her too and she just couldn't ignore that. If there was even the tiniest glimmer of hope; hope of his words of love, of his touch... she wasn't going to let that go. Ever.

After composing herself enough, Stevie called Karen to come and pick her up. Her assistant instantly knew something was wrong, once she arrived, but Stevie offered no explanation, getting in the car and sinking in the passenger's seat.

Much later the same day, Stevie couldn't stop herself from contacting Lindsey. She wasn't ready yet to hear his voice and have a full conversation, so she sent him a short text message instead, which said,

'I wish I could hate you...'