||Say yes...please?|| {Unedited}

Chapter Twenty Five

"A letter to heart."

"Breathe, dear heart. Breathe."

Iris walked into her room after a heart-to-heart talk with Jason. She walked around a little bit to ease herself from the avalanche of emotions swirling inside her. Despite of pacing around, she found it inconclusive and thought to call it a night. She needed sleep. She wanted to sleep.

she sighed heavily and moved to the washroom. She walked into a shower and enjoyed a minute of relaxation as driblets of water fall on her barren skin before anxiety took its turn, she found herself drowning and gasped for air until she moved out of the shower hastily and calmed herself down.

she put her clothes on and made her way to her bed and laid on it wide awake; she was restless. She wanted to breathe. She sat back on the bed with no clue of what to do next. As her gaze moved towards the window, she sighed an shook her head, she stood up and walked towards the window and pulled the curtains away. Standing there in the silence of dusk, as slowly the color of the sky was changing she could feel that in herself too, something was not the same as before, the darkness was vanishing away slowly. She rested her hand on her heart and felt the beating of it, how soothing it was, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply as she heard her heart beating or more like whispering to her something. After a long time, she tried to hear it, the sound, the whisper, she put her hand on it and breathed in slowly, and tried to listen to that voice, bashing the wall between herself and her heart she tried to listen to it. After a while, she slowly opened her eyes and smiled.

She knew what needed to be done to vent out all the emotions piling in her, how to discharge them all. She took out the notepad along with a pen from the table drawer and sat on the bed with her legs folded and put the pillow on her lap. Closing her eyes, she sighed deeply, and started scribbling down.

Dear Heart,
I know I took more time than you must have had anticipated but then you know me, how I am with everything that had happened. I chose to be ignorant in your regard, so I ignored every voice, every opinion, every whisper that you ever had uttered.

I ignored them all.

I have put the barriers around you so that the voice of yours couldn't reach out to me. I started relying on my mind more, trying to stay ahead of the possibility of getting hurt. Calculating events, noting emotions, correcting errors. Honestly sometime, if I actually sat down and start reasoning every act that I have done in past five years, I would definitely question my sense of judgement. What I was trying to do? Well, staying ahead of the possibility of getting hurt... Maybe?
But if I think deeper, I did get hurt, over and over again. It's just that I tried to stop a certain feeling that pinched me. I was trying to do something; to be something else; I was running from the truth, from the reality.

She sighed deeply and looked up from the notepad, staring into nothingness, after a while she again started jotting down.

I don't know why I actually sat down to write, something that I used to do years ago. Remember I used to do it when I was nine? Along with Jason, noting our anguish, pain, happiness, perplexity... Everything that used to seem too much for our soul to bear. We used to write a letter to you, because we always thought, you can solve any problem because you are the solution. Then we used to bury that letter along with a seed and then we used to grow a plant over it. Maybe I won't grow a plant this time, but this seem the only best idea to confront my emotions, my feelings. I guess, I had lost Jason, pushed him away because I know he could reason me no matter how tangled I am with the situation, but I was afraid of being untangled. Now it seems, it's not that bad an idea. I am feeling relieved, like someone plucked out the cage off my chest. Like I am free. Jason was right, with too much thinking, I had fused my brain that was causing malfunctioning and eventually the cause of my hormonal behavior.