The First Punch (sequel to Change) | kellic (boyxboy)

fourteen

"Wait, what?" I asked.
I was absolutely shocked.

"I-I'm...Kellin, I love you, okay? But I- we can't be together anymore." He said.

Oh no. No, this couldn't be happening. He couldn't leave me. I needed him. I loved him. He can't just leave me again so easily, right?

"W-what?" I mumbled out.

"I'm so sorry, Kell. Don't get me wrong, I'm in love with you and I don't want to do this b-"

"Then don't!" I yelled. "You can't do this to me! I need you! V-Vic, please! I'll try harder to be better for you just please don't leave me."

My voice cracked multiple times and I couldn't hold myself together. This hurt so badly. I was sobbing hysterically. I had never felt so much pain in my life.

"It's not you, it's m-" He started off.

"Don't fucking say that! I've worked so hard, so fucking hard to be good enough for you and I'll never be good enough, but please, Vic! Just settle for less for me! I know I don't deserve you, but I can't live without you, Vic. You don't understand how much you mean to me, do you?" I ranted, my voice wavering and weak.

"Kellin, just understand where I'm coming from." He reached out and touched my shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed. "I thought it hurt the first time, but this? This is unbearable. I-I just can't do this. I can't do anything. Not without y-you."

"Please just listen." He requested calmly.

I kept my mouth shut as the warm tears ran down my cheeks and my lips quivered.

"I just want to keep you safe, love. Stuff like this can't continue to happen. All of these events are happening because we're together and I really don't want to lose you but it's for the better, I promise. If you love me, let me go." He told me.

I stared at him. Of course it was because we were together. Well, not anymore. Why did people have to hurt me? Why did Vic have to leave me? Why did I have to fall so hard? I've never hurt anyone. What did I do to deserve this?

"I should've never went to your stupid concert." I cried out. There was so much pain in my voice because I couldn't handle this.

I got up and took two quick strides to the door before stepping out and slamming it shut.

"Kellin, wait!" Vic yelled, following me.

But I ignored him.

If he didn't want me then, he wasn't allowed to just want me again now that I'm gone.

I'd go somewhere and probably do something stupid. I'd come back to him when I wasn't hurting.

Maybe I'd never come back.

I just don't understand what I did to deserve this.

I ran and I kept running until I couldn't anymore. I collapsed in a meadow of bright flowers. I sobbed and screamed and poured out everything inside of me. And like usual, no one was there to hear it, but it was better that way. I guess some things are just better left alone.

I tried so hard.

I just wanted to make him happy, because although I had never been happy, he got me the closest to it that I had ever been.

But how could I make anyone else happy when I've never experienced true happiness alone?

I need someone to provide that feeling for me. I can't do it alone.

My source of happiness was gone.

I knew it was stupid to talk over him and not let him tell me the whole story, but I couldn't right now. I needed a breather.

I laid in the flowers and buried myself deep in the petals. I was done crying, only because I was emotionless now. My phone rang and rang but I didn't care.

I didn't need it. All I needed was Vic and if I didn't have him, then what was the point?

I wanted to get up and drown myself in alcohol, but I couldn't move. I felt numb.

Some may say it's stupid to react like this, but what else was I supposed to do?

I was so young. Only 17.

It was horrible to be so young and hold so much pain in your heart. It was unhealthy. It wasn't normal. It was dangerous. Love is dangerous in general. Love kills and it was killing me. No. Actually, I was already dead. I got so caught up in loving Vic that I didn't notice anything else in the world. Nothing else mattered. Nothing. Our love was the only thing I ever needed or wanted but now that it was gone, what was I supposed to do?

As my phone continued to ring, I turned it off and closed my eyes, but I didn't sleep.

I was too tired to sleep. Too hurt. Too sad. Too angry.

Yeah, angry. I was incredibly mad that he'd made me feel like a princess all day just to shatter me in the end. It wasn't fair. At all. I didn't think I did anything wrong to lose Vic and now he was gone for the second time. I wouldn't try again unless I felt some really strong need to. We obviously weren't meant to be. As much as I knew that now, I was still hurt. During the year that we were separated, I had changed. So much. I blamed myself for everything. I never went out. I became an introvert. I changed back into the person I was before I met Vic. I needed a new chapter in my life because the last one had ended mid-sentence. Yet, here I am again ending this chapter of my life the same way. Yes, Vic is my life. If all hell breaks loose, I have Vic. Well...had.

The worst part is that I had changed from my original self anyway. For Vic. He showed me all the amazing things in the world.

There was no explanation to it, though. His love for me was overdue and expired. I thought he loved me. I really did. Perhaps, he should become an actor instead of a musician, because he made me believe just for a slight second that I might be worth something.

But why would that ever happen? It would be a lie.

Would I ever be worth anything? No.

The only thing I'm worthy of is a good fuck.

A good rape.

I was just a punching bag for everyone else. Even if they weren't angry, someone has always been there to beat me down and treat me like the trash I am. I wish I could better myself, but when I try, things like this happen. I lose the things I love. I love Vic. This boy put me into a huge mess and I won't say that I wouldn't want it any other way because I'd be lying, but if I was going to be put into a mess, I'm glad that Vic was the one to do it.

"If you love me, let me go." I mumbled to myself as I looked up into the night sky.
I thought about what he told me.

Safe. He said he wanted to keep me safe. But what about my heart? My heart was fully open to every danger of the world and it was all his fault.
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THIS IS SO BAD AND DELAYED I AM SO SO SO SO SO SORRY BABIES )))): I STILL WUV U AND WE WILL GO FROM HERE!

Love,

Kellin