A Very Queer Reality

(Chapter 18) Dusk

I closed and locked my door, something I hadn't done in a while because once it had just been Carol and I. But now here stood Casey Dean, in front of me, between me and the bed for that matter.

There were so any things I could do, we could do. So many ways to find harmony between us, our bodies, our lips. But he sat back on the bed, gingerly as not to mess up the already not-made comforter that was my bedding. I sat beside him, breathing out, breathing in.

"I begin explaining now don't I," Casey picked up the unsaid prompt. I nodded slightly, looking over and up at him. "Okay, look. It may sound like an excuse, but you have to believe me that everything I'm about to say is true, alright?"

"Okay."

"At the party, we kissed. After the party, you confessed feelings and we kissed more. I realized how dangerous it all is. You told me about the jocks beating you up about your sexuality, I realized if anyone knew you liked me, if anything happened between us, you'd get even more shit. I thought if i distanced myself, even if I made you hate me, it would calm down. People would forget about it and leave you alone. I beat myself up for it, I hated it, but I thought it might be better for you and then maybe someday when things had fizzled out, we could be friends again- I mean, unless I successfully made you hate me, of course..."

I stared at him, "You weren't ignoring me? You were trying to protect me?" I could barely think.

"Yeah...I told Summer about it. She opted not to tell you because she knew you'd protest." It made sense, it almost all made perfect sense.

"But why Kelsey, why distance yourself from her?"

He almost laughed, "Kyle, you two are practically joined at the hip. I mean have you seen you two together?? If I had've talked to her, I would've been close to you and blatantly ignoring you alone. I couldn't bring myself to torture you like that."

It was hard for him. He hadn't fully wanted to do this. He had planned. For me.

"Does she know?" I wanted to make sure she knew, that she was okay with him.

He nodded, "Yeah, and now you do too. I'm worried, though, if we start hanging out again what if they attack you again?"

"Casey..." I shifted to turn toward him, "they haven't left me alone. Or anyone. They hold grudges and start drama. It doesn't stop."

"Wait so nothing got better?"

"Not really..." I explained everything that had happened. Jennifer; her boyfriend.

He cursed, "God, I am so so sorry, Kyle." He looked down at his lap, closing his eyes in surreal emotion and disappointment in himself, I could tell.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, Casey," he shook his head, "No, hey look at me, it's okay." He looked up at me with sad eyes, filled with doubt, and looked like he might say something else. I leaned up, kissed him, closing my eyes, putting little force behind it. He grabbed my face, kissing me back with more effort, holding there: simple.

But then it wasn't, then it was forceful, it was me pushing Casey Dean back into my sheet and straddling him. It was hands in hair, movement. It was our lips melding, moving, meeting again. It was adrenaline rushing in my ears as our bodies rubbed together; it was Casey taking control and rolling us closer to the wall, him on top. My legs wrapped around him and his kisses drifted to my jaw, to my neck. Much like the first day we met, he lifted my shirt over my head, but now between kisses. His lips reached my collarbones, my hands draped around his neck, fingertips connecting with his warm back. I tugged up his shirt, he helped me get it over his head and threw it to the floor.

Bare chest opposed bare chest, skin against skin as his kisses reached my lips again. He pulled away, the look in his eyes expressing desire. I took the chance to pull a move I could pull off. I leaned up, kissing his jaw near his eyes and breathily whispering, "I want you." I didn't try to make my voice sound sexy, I just made it honest me. Casey's skin flushed and he pressed his lips into mine, solidly holding there. His hands were drifting, down to my hips and the rim of my skinny jeans. They brushed my waist, warming my skin with smooth friction.

I could imagine him dominating me even more. I could imagine the pleasure of all of him and all of me, tangled up inside and out and just everything. I shuddered at his touch, refraining from audible gasps. We were not home alone, after all.

"You wanna know something, Kyle?" his voice was breathy and hot as hell. He didn't wait for a response, "I want you too. Really badly."

"Then you have me," our lips brushed at words, my hands slipped to his shoulders, to his collarbones and chest. I rolled us back to where we had started, unwrapping my legs enough so he didn't land on them. I leaned to his neck, working magic until his lips emitted a gasp. I'd found a sweet spot. I wasn't sure what I was doing. I wasn't sure either of us were. We didn't think, we just acted. We were a mess of hormones and heartbeats. And I loved it.

Hip movements grinded our bodies together, forcing me to moan quietly. It was weird, this had never happened before. Somehow the heat rose, he flipped me on my back. He tugged my jeans down my thighs, off my legs. He kissed the insides of my thighs, my stomach, all the way back up to my lips once. He slid off his own pants. We could've gone further. We could have gone all the way.

We didn't.

"You wanna know the other part of it, Kyle?" I melted at the way he said my name. "I can't go any further with you," his modulated voice faded into planting kisses along my jaw once more. Our breathing was labored. I wanted to ask why not, he already knew I was silently asking. "I want to do this right. I don't want to start with sex and develop everything else later."

I realized what he was talking about. A relationship.

"Wait, you-"

"I want the best for you. I want us to be something," he cursed, "God, I'm so bad at articulating this. Kyle I- I like you...more than like you. It's weird. I want everything good for you and I get these feelings and thoughts and it's so different than any crush I've ever had on anyone."

I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled him to me. His head rested on my chest and good shoulder, laying pressed against me. The two of us in our boxers just laying there. 

We were drifting now, it was late, we were exhausted. He murmured, I barely caught it as he fell asleep on me, comfortable. Together. 

He was murmuring words I thought I'd never hear:

"Will you be...mine?"