The Ascendant

Chapter Eight

After a pleasant walk across the city centre I arrived at work a few minutes before ten.

I strode confidently into reception, waving to the prettier girl behind the desk as I passed, pretending for a moment that we were good mates. I could tell she didn’t know what to make of me or my wave: I was every bit as scruffy as usual and just as late. In spite of this, she raised her hand and waved back at me, albeit in a half-hearted sort of a way.

Still walking, I returned a nod of approval. ‘I’d love to stop and chat’, I said, ‘but I’ve got a very important appointment to keep. Don’t want to be late now, do I?’. I waltzed past her and headed towards the office area.

I punched in the security number and swaggered in. Jane was sat at her desk, and the Personnel Manager, Margaret Collymore, a bland looking bespectacled woman, was sat opposite her. They turned in unison to look up and I called out my greeting. ‘Hi there!’.

I felt dizzy, virtually drunk. ‘Ready when you are!’

They continued to sit mostly motionless, although Jane’s jaw had actually dropped open while Ms Collymore’s expression suggested she had just smelt something considerably awful. The rest of the call centre inmates were pretending to go about their work, while a handful just gaped gormlessly at the three of us.

I waited for Jane, or Ms Collymore, to say something but the prospect of that happening in the immediate future did not look entirely promising. I could see they had both been a little unsettled by my boisterous entrance. To show I bore them no threat, I smiled broadly and warmly at them. They looked positively terrified.

We continued our awkward stand-off until, to my amazement, Jane was the first to regain her composure. She rose to her feet and gathered some papers from her desk, shooting me a terse look as she did so. I noted she was not in good humour as she marched over towards the office where I would be fired in approximately five minutes’ time.

‘No witness?’, she asked as she walked further away from me.

‘Er, no’, I replied.

‘Right, this way,’ she said without looking back in my direction. I did as I was told, momentarily overawed by Jane’s authoritative tone. I had to concede, she had made a marvellous comeback from an unpromising start. Ms Collymore, meanwhile, was tottering behind us both and seemed less likely to score any Brownie Points from the powers that be on this occasion.

We congregated in the office. Jane was sat behind the desk with Ms Collymore sat at an angle to where I was due to sit, so I would be unable to read her notes. I awaited permission from Jane to sit, still slightly in awe of her show of power.

She made a gesture with her hand towards the seat and I gracefully accepted.

Ms Collymore’s head was tilted to one side as she surveyed me, as if I was some curious beast previously unknown to mankind. I replied in kind and Ms Collymore recoiled in horror.

‘Ben, you have been summoned here today as a result of your continued poor punctuality…’, recited Jane, trying to bring some normality to proceedings. Unfortunately for Jane, she had lost my attention already, and only a few words were getting through. From what I could make out she was talking about some semblance of ambition, self awareness and alarm clocks but none of it seemed to matter.

I glanced at my watch: 11.06. The pubs were open and for once I had something to celebrate. What was I still doing here? I rose to my feet and shook Jane’s hand, reassuring her that it had been a pleasure working for her. Somewhat curiously, Jane stopped speaking at this point and I couldn’t help but feel that this whole disciplinary business had had a terribly perplexing effect on her. I turned to make the same gesture to Ms Collymore but she had already pulled her hands behind her back, so I bade them both a good day and headed for the door.

For once reality seemed unable to touch me. I was taken with a dream, a mirage which may magically become reality. I still couldn’t truly believe it. Already it had been the most profound of days.

Walking back into the open plan office I sensed a hundred eyes turning toward me, the supposed vanquished rebel. I dearly wished to have been able to share my great news with them, but not only would most of them disbelieve me, those who could actually apprehend such good fortune would surely ensure that my plans came to nothing.

I continued walking along, serenely contemplating how I could convey to my erstwhile colleagues that I was on the up, and all was well. As I reached the point where I had addressed Jane and Ms Collymore, I punched the air, shouting out, ‘They’ve offered me a promotion!’ but the response was muted to stay the least, and as I headed off towards the exit I could only assume that no-one had bought it.

What-oh!

Like everything else that had happened to me since I opened that envelope just over two hours ago, it really didn’t seem to matter. My mind had never been further away from day-to-day bullshit, my outlook never brighter.