A Bad Boy's Brother (Book #2)

15. New Year's

Ryder's P.O.V.

I needed to tell Cain what had happened. But it wasn't exactly the easiest thing to bring up. So, being the person that I was, I just blurted it. "Um...Corey and I kissed last night."

Cain stopped moving; he had been sharpening a knife so he could cook.

"I...don't know what happened. I'm sorry."

"Did he kiss you, or did you kiss him?"

"I kissed him."

He didn't say anything.

"I just wanted to test something," I said, unhappy with the silence. "I wanted to see if I felt anything for him. I just needed to be sure that I was really ready to move on with you. I really want to be with you."

"But you feel something for him," Cain said, still not facing me.

"...Yes," I admitted reluctantly. "But I want to love you."

Finally, he turned around and looked at me, smiling a little. "Then that's enough."

"What?"

"If you want to love me, that means you're going to try for our relationship. And that's enough for me. If you're willing to try to make us work, even though you might still feel something toward Corey, I'm willing to try for us too. I really do love you, Ryder. He's not going to take you from me, if I have a say in it." Cain walked over to me where I was sitting on his bed and smiled, leaning down to kiss my cheek. "I'll try for us if you will."

"I will," I said immediately.

"Okay. Then I forgive you kissing him."

"Thank you," I breathed, relieved. "Thank you so much."

"May I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Did you feel something for him that you don't feel for me?"

I needed to choose my words carefully. There was no reason for him to know about how far in to the kiss I'd gone with him. Deciding that I couldn't trust words, I kissed him. I did feel something when I kissed him; it just wasn't the same feeling that I got when I kissed Corey. When I was kissing Cain, it was like the world stopped for a moment and became warm and safe. When I was kissing Corey, it was intense and quite frankly an explosion of emotion and desire. Different didn't mean bad, though.

Cain deepened the kiss a little bit.

Taking the initiative and determined to prove myself to him, I pulled him against me suddenly, yanking him down on to the bed with me so that he was on top of me as I kissed him.

He kissed me back, but stopped a moment later. "I will not have sex with you until you can honestly say that you are in love with me, Ryder," he said softly, his lips brushing mine when he spoke.

"I know."

Cain kissed me again, smiling a bit against my lips.

After a while, he rolled off of me and I snuggled in to his side. I needed the warmth of someone else right now, and his presence always made me feel calm. "I want to love you, Cain," I said quietly to him as we laid there.

"I know you do, Ryder."

But I don't think either of us had much confidence in it.

* * * * *

It wasn't until New Year's Eve that I saw Corey again. Cain and I had spent the past few days in his apartment, not feeling like going anywhere other than the store, and now we were at his parents' house for a barbeque.

When Corey had seen me, he'd stopped on the stairs and gone back upstairs.

I didn't want to see him any more than he wanted to see me, but he didn't have to be such a child about it. Sometimes I felt like the twins and even Emily were more adult-like than he was, with his pathetic attempts to avoid me when he could. I sighed and nibbled on my burger without much interest. Emily was running around with a sparkler, and the twins were at a party. Cain had gone to help his parents buy more buns. Which basically meant that the only things remaining were me, Corey, and the awkward silence that happened when he finally came outside.

"Where's my mom?"

"Store."

"Dad?"

"Store."

"Cain?"

"Store."

"Twins?"

"Party."

"Emily?"

"Probably setting something on fire by now."

"When will everyone be back?"

"Your parents left like two minutes ago, and the twins should be back around two in the morning." I sighed. "You would know these things if you hadn't just ran up to your room the second you saw me earlier."

"You are so frustrating, do you know that? First you say you hate me, then you tell me you're in love with me. Then you kiss me, then you tell me to leave. You tell me to leave, and now you're getting upset because I tried to stay away from you."

I stood up, irritated, and got in his face. "This is your fault, not mine!"

"Yeah? Who's sending the mixed messages?"

"At least I'm sending messages!"

"Would you just stop?"

"Stop what?"

"Just make up your mind so I can fucking kiss you already!" he yelled.

Suddenly, he closed the distance and kissed me hard. I wanted to yell at him, but my body reacted again without my choosing. I was kissing him back and he yanked me against him by my waist as he kissed me, then he made a noise that sounded similar to a growl. I could feel the anger on his lips, and I was sure that it was present on mine. Finally he pulled away from me. "I heard my parents' car," he muttered in explanation before turning around. "I'm gonna go get my mom."

"The hell? You're just gonna...then...?"

"Yeah, I am."

I glared at him. "Now who's the one sending mixed messages?"

"I thought you wanted me to send a message. I sent one."

"What message exactly?"

"That I'm not giving up on you yet, Ryder. I refuse."

* * * * *

The rest of the night was Corey-less. It was actually kind of...relaxing. I had relieved a large amount of stress by yelling at and then kissing Corey, strangely enough. Midnight rolled by and I kissed Cain when the clock struck midnight. We were the only ones outside. Emily was still somehow running around with excitement, and his parents were off to the side, talking quietly as they watched their daughter run around.

Cain had pulled me in to his lap as we sat in the grass and watched fireworks coming from various places around us, and he was stroking my hair lightly as we sat. "You're strangely happy tonight," he commented quietly.

"Is that bad?"

"No. I'm very happy that you seem so calm. I thought being around Corey would work you up."

"He came out of his room one time all night," I muttered.

"True."

We sat there quietly for a while.

I felt like a horrible person all of a sudden. Just tonight, I'd kissed two different guys. I loved one of them, and I didn't love the other one. This wasn't fair to any of us.

I needed to work out my feelings for Corey, and I needed to do it soon, before we all ended up getting hurt.

Suddenly a scream tore through the air; shrill and panicked.

Emily.