OLLIE
After Ian left and I tried to take a nap, I realize it was impossible. Everything about him occupied my every thought, his walk, his voice, his lips, and his eyes that are so intense. The worst part of it all was his scent that lingered in the bed. It aroused me. It was more of in a way that made me miss him more and wanted to be close to him, than in way that made me want to rip his clothes off.
I was getting into the third season of Archer when my phone vibrated. Thinking it was him, I quickly grabbed my phone and unlocked it. It was a text from Tommy. It read:
Did you know your hunk of a man was engaged? He’s supposed to be married next month.
I responded with two words:
Fuck off.
Not even a 30 seconds later my phone vibrated again:
Don’t believe me? Go check E!
Besides my better judgments, I grabbed the remote on the bedside table and turned the TV on. I did a search for the channel since I wasn’t sure who his cable provider was, which meant, I didn’t know the number for the channel. Whatever program was on had gone to commercial and I continued to watch Archer. I was submerged into the show until I heard Ian’s last name.
My heart sunk as I saw Ian with his arms wrapped around a tall, slender woman that looked like she could be a model. She probably is. They kissed. Really kissed.I stared at the TV screen for God knows how long. All I heard was “met last year” and “got engaged last summer.” It kept echoing and echoing, I felt like I was going blind from how loud it was.
I saw him when he walked through the door. He paused and I saw through my peripheral, his eyes going from me to the TV that I was staring at. Turning my attention to him, I saw his face ashen. He stepped toward me but my flight instinct kicked in and I jumped off the bed and ran to the ensuite, locking the door behind me.
Everything was a blur as my back hit the door and I slid to the floor. My whole being felt like it was crumbling physically, and emotionally. Everything was in slow motion for me. My mind slowed everything down because it was just too much to handle, from Ian pounding on the door and ordering me to open it, to me putting my face in my palms and sobbing softly.
In less than one minute everything I feared came to life. What if he doesn’t really want me? What if I was just an itch he needed to scratch? What if this is all bullshit? What if at the end of the day, when we’re not seeing each other, he’s seeing someone else? What if…what if everything I thought he felt for me wasn’t real at all.
His pounding slowed to what seem like a pathetic attempt to use force. His voice that sounded so forceful and ordering turned to pleading. I have never felt such pain in my entire life. How come, after such a short time, one man is able to affect me more than the man I had the longest relationship of my life with? And I’m not talking about Tommy.
I had calmed down a long time. I just sat on the floor staring at nothing in particular. Finally, I found my brother’s number in my contact list and it dial. He picked up after two rings.
“Hey,” he said, his voice thick with sleep. “What’s the matter?” It’s understandable that he would ask me that. We talk all the time but mostly through text. Something is usually wrong when we hear each other’s voice. We had such a close bond that no matter what way we communicated would be enough.
“I need you to come get me,” I told him.
“Where? What’s wrong?” I heard him zipping his pants up already.
“I’ll text you the address and I’ll tell you when you get here.”
“Are you safe?”
“I’m fine.”
“Oliver…” I know he didn’t like that answer.
“The sooner you get here the better.”
He said okay. I quickly text him the address and hope to God it’s right. I waited a long while until I’m sure my brother was close to, take deep breath, stand and open the door. Ian almost fell backward when I opened it. He had been sitting with his back against the door. As far as I could, I use whatever space available from him to get to the dresser. Next I went to the closet and grabbed the little travel bag I had with my boxers, few t-shirts, and other necessities that I brought with me. I stuffed everything in there without caring what was going to be spilled or crushed or ruined. Quite frankly I couldn’t give a fuck.
Out of nowhere, Ian snatched my bag from me. He started unpacking everything I had just packed.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“You’re my problem!” he snapped, still unpacking. “You’re just leaving! You’re not letting me explain myself! You’re not giving me a fucking chance!”
“You don’t even deserve my presence right now much less a fucking space for an explanation. What I saw was pretty self-explanatory. You don’t just go shove your fucking tongue down anyone’s throat and you definitely don’t just go putting engagement rings on people’s fingers? Alright?” I hated myself from crying in front of him and yelling and breaking down like I was. “You hurt me. You really hurt me. There’s nothing you can say or do that can fix me or take away what I’m feeling right now.”
It was quiet for just a couple seconds when I heard the blaring sound of the car’s horn. I eyed the now empty bag in his hand one last time before putting my shoes on, turning around and heading for the stairs.
“Wait,” he was saying, over and over as he followed me down the stairs. “Ollie!” I ignored him and reached for the front door. I got it open barely an inch before it was slammed shut and Ian was standing between me and the door that would lead me to my world away from him. It was wonderful while it lasted.
“Move.” Nothing. “Move.” Nothing, again. “Move!”
“You can’t leave me!” He yelled. I felt like the whole house rumbled as his masculine voice finally brought me attention to him. He was a wreck. His usually short kept hair was all over the place. His eyes were red. His lips were chapped. His tie was hanging lazily as if someone was trying to fight it off of him. His shirt was out of his trousers. He had only a pair of black socks on. “I’m not doing this because I want to! I have no choice! You c-can’t. Okay?” Still, all I could think was: If you really cared about me like you’re pretending to do now, explain to me why my heart is in pieces because of you? “Oliver,” he said, his voice breaking as he stepped forward and reached out for me. I stepped back. “I love you, Oliver, please. Please don’t leave me. I love you so much. Don’t leave me”
More tears streamed down my face as I cried silently. Looking him dead in the eye, I said: “Watch me.” I forced my way past him. This time when I opened the door he didn’t stop me. The blistering cold nipped at my skin. I should be feeling how utterly painfully and displeasuring it is, but I can’t. The snow didn’t even bother me even though all I was wearing was a long-sleeved shirt.
“Oliver!”
I got in my brother’s car and simply told him not now. I looked in the side view mirror to see him standing, wearing only socks in the freezing snow. He put the car in drive and we were on our way. I watched Ian until I could no longer see him. I closed my eyes and lowered the back of the seat, wishing that when I opened them again the past couple weeks of my life was a terrible nightmare.
YOU ARE READING
The Older Man (BoyxBoy)
Romance"Good, you're early. Perfect. Come with me." From the tour Don gave me yesterday I knew he was taking me to the kitchen. I guess I'm about to find out why. "Make me that wicked cup of coffee you spoke about." God, his accent. "As you wish, sir," I s...
