Unintended [danisnotonfire]

Call Me Strong Young Lady ♥‿♥

I let myself fall on my bed. It's late in the afternoon and I just got back from the airport. I accompanied Dan and Phil as they left for Italy. I wasn't really listening when Phil explained why they were going to Italy but I'm pretty sure it involves work or play, I can't really tell the difference since they enjoy what they're doing; that's the important thing. I guess my spirits are down because I won't be seeing them on my birthday tomorrow. I don't know how long I've been staring at the ceiling, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't very long. I hear a knock on the door and I let them come in.

"Mandy, why the long face? It's your birthday tomorrow, you're finally turning eighteen." My mom says, smiling  

"I don't know. It's just that I had to see Dan and Phil go today. I mean, sure I'll be seeing a lot of my friends in my party tomorrow, but the two of them..." I reply  

"Oh come on now, they told you that they'd make up for it when they come back. It's not as if they won't be returning to London." Mom said, it was comforting 

"I know." I say and look up to her "I can't wait for tomorrow."  

My mom smiled and stood, "Supper will be ready in an hour. By the way, here's a flash drive your cousins from the Philippines sent to you. They are birthday wishes. Your aunt even told me that one of them started taking an interest in working the camera so here it is. Iha*." My mom said, with the familiar Filipino accent on the last word.

I've always wanted people making speeches about me on my birthdays. I like to hear them say what they like about me, what they don't like about me, funny moments in the past year, even my weird obsessions. I stared at the flash drive thinking if I should watch it now; maybe what my cousins have to say can lighten up my mood. I played the file and I saw all my relatives. I see my mom's hometown. I wonder if she clearly remembers what it's like in her original home. Before my British dad passed, he told me that if my mom wanted to go and visit or even stay in the Philippines, I should at least try to do so. Dad emphasized that ever since she finished her Master's degree in London, she never got the chance to go home. She took all opportunities that went her way and she eventually met my dad and had me. I see a lot of children in the video holding signs that say Happy Birthday and some are even written in Filipino, Maligayang Kaarawan Ate* Mandy. I see some familiar faces, which I really just see when I'm on Facebook, there are two people I talk to a lot and sometimes I tell them about what's happening with me and they do the same. We even tell each other our culture. Say and Nora were the only ones who gave a speech, provided they were the ones I usually talk to. I couldn't believe that they gave so much emphasis on how strong of a woman I am and how I handle things, that and how they are saving up to visit London and see me. Boy when they hear about what I'm feeling around Dan, maybe they'd take it back. I got to see my grandmother who visited us here a few times. Now she couldn't because she is too old. The video ends and I'm tearing up.

I get my notebook and start writing on my diary, Raven,

Dear Raven,

Today is my last day of being seventeen. I'm feeling pretty excited to finally be welcomed to what the adults would say the "real" world. I won't go all philosophical since I understand what they mean anyway. Earlier today, I joined everyone in dropping off Dan and Phil to the airport. They're headed to Italy because they have to, I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. I'm too busy thinking about Dan. I just don't like the fact that I won't be dancing with him in my party tomorrow. I wanted to take a risk of telling him that I really really really like him on my birthday. I'll accept whatever he'll say, at least I'll say that I took a risk on my eighteenth birthday and I didn't regret it one bit, especially if he feels the same way.

I also just watched a video my cousins made for me. It's full of birthday greetings from all my Filipino relatives. Of course Say and Nora were the two ladies who gave me long speeches, they know I soften up when I'm being talked about, but this time it's more serious than usual. They emphasized how strong and independent I was. I guess it's because of the things I've been through, my breakup with two exes, my humiliation while in school and my dad's passing. Sometimes I tell those two that it's fine when they don't have boyfriends yet, everything feels different, and I usually tell them not to act too interested in the boys courting them. I wonder what they would say when I tell them about how I feel about Dan and what is supposed to happen tomorrow if he and Phil didn't go to Italy. They'd probably say that I'm so strong since I can only get two answers out of Dan, a yes or a no.