Sweetest Goodbye

SG.15 - Hya, Iggy and the Devil

Papa walked away with that victorious smile on his face. Si Mama naman ay apologetic na nakatingin sa amin ni Ignacio. I watched my mother as she leaves Iggy's condo unit. I was biting my lower lip. I couldn't face Ignacio at all. My heart was beating so fast. My hands were trembling and I just don't know what to say to him.

Wala pa naman akong balak sabihin sa kanya ang tungkol sa paniniwala ko. We're just getting to know each other. Heaven pa ang relationship naming dalawa and I just don't want to stain it with my hate for marriage but my father just had to ruin everything. As if he was that clean when it comes to my mom. Oo nga, he didn't cheat on her, pero sigurado ako na hindi naman virgin bride si Mama noong mga panahon na iyon.

I know because I read her diary! She was twenty-two when she gave herself to Papa at sa loob pa iyon ng football stadium sa France. Hindi na sila nahiya!

But enough about them. I have to think about Ignacio again. I have to face him. Hindi ako Consunji kung tatakbuhan ko ang problemang ito. I slowly faced him. He was there, staring at me. He looked hopeful.

"Your father, he's one hot headed devil." Tinawanan niya ang sinabi niya. I just sighed. Nagyuko ako ng ulo.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Para kasing hindi natural na reaksyon ang ipinakikita niya sa akin.

"For not wanting to marry you."

Ignacio laughed again. Lumapit siya sa akin at hinaplos ang braso ko sabay yakap sa akin.

"Baby, you're young, normal lang iyon sa ngayon." He even had the gall to smile at me like that. Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap niya sa akin.

"You don't understand." I sighed again. "I don't believe in marriage. Kahit na tumanda pa ako, twenty – nine, thirty – four, forty-five or seventy-three, I will never want to marry. I see myself having kids with you, building a life together but I don't see myself marrying you or any other man. Marriage ruins everything – just like what if did to my parents. They were married and I could see how my Mama wants out of that and when they got annulled, it brought them back together. Mas okay nang hindi ako ikasal, o hindi tayo ikasal dahil doon, mas maiingatan natin kung ano ang meron tayo."

Ignacio stood there, staring at me. Para bang hindi niya maintindihan ang mga sinasabi ko. Pero iyon naman ang totoo. Sinasabi ko na sa kanya para tapos na, para wala na akong aalalahanin pa.

"But I want to marry you." Halos paanas nang lumabas iyon sa bibig niya.

"I'm sorry, Ignacio, pero ngayon pa lang, sasabihin ko na sa'yo na hindi ako magpapakasal sa'yo. I love you, but I will not marry you."

He turned his back on me and left the unit. Nanginginig naman ang tuhod kong naupo sa couch. It hurts a lot. Akala ko ay maiintindihan niya ako. I was shaking my head. Itong part na ito ang ayoko sa pakikipagrelasyon, iyong komplikasyon. Wala pa naman kasi dapat kaming dalawa ni Iggy sa parteng ito pero kailangan talagang umepal ni Papa sa aming dalawa. I hate him now. I wiped my tears.

Tumayo ako upang linisin ang nabasag na picture frame ni Ignacio. Hindi lang iyon ang nilinis ko pati na rin ang buong bahay. Inayos ko ang kama naming dalawa. I changed the pillow cases, the sheet, even the blanket. And while doing all of these, umiiyak ako. Ang sakit kasi.

He walked out on me. Ano na namang status ng relasyon naming dalawa ngayon?

After cleaning everything – I even rearranged Iggy's bath towel according to color and texture – I checked the time and found out that it's seven in the evening already but still there was no sign of Ignacio. Ni hindi nga siya tumawag sa akin, ni wala siyang text.