Chapter Ten

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Ashley's POV

Max bursts through the room and Julian pushes himself and attempts to look as though we weren't just inches apart from each other. I watch and Max looks between us and narrows his eye, propping one eyebrow up.

"Sorry... I just forgot my phone." He speaks, and awkwardly reaches for his phone. Trying to forget about how hot my cheeks are, I stare down at my nails and chip away until I hear the door click. I hear Julian chuckle and see him lean back on his elbows.

"Well that was embarrassing." Julian stares up at the lights.

"I think it was a little funny." I let a smile come to my lips.

"No, way more embarrassing..." I suddenly can't distinguish between him joking and not joking and something feels off.

"Why was it so embarrassing?"

"Because it was with you." His eyes got wide and my smile vanishes from my face and quickly turns to a straight face.

"Wait, Ashley, I didn't mean-"

"No... You know what? You are such an ass! I thought you maybe, just maybe weren't that terrible guy that you seem to be. Do you even like me Julian? Or was that just a fun little game to you, playing with my emotions, huh?"

"Ashley, I did not mean what I said, I would never toy with your feelings like that. Please-" I put my hand out, stopping him from continuing.

"Just. Go."

"Ashley..." He started and I shook my head.

"Leave me alone! Do me a favor Julian and never speak to me again." My voice raises and his eyes looked panicked, but he stood to his feet and started towards the door.

"I am so sorry." He spoke softly; in a way that I never heard before. I waited for the door to shut before letting the tears fall from my eyes. Of course someone like him wouldn't like me. My mind immediately falls to the idea that something is wrong with me, but I didn't want to think of myself in that way. With each second that passes, I find myself becoming angrier and angrier.

I cannot believe that I would be dumb enough to fall into a stupid trap like that. I almost kissed him, I almost made the biggest mistake of my life, to fall for a monster. Why would he toy with me like that? Guys like him clearly have no issue with gaining trust only to destroy what little faith you had in them that was left. Ugh, why am I so stupid? I just want to curl up and die... Well, I know that is a bit over-dramatic, but still.

Thoughts of my real parents naturally come to mind and all I can think is how foolish I am for thinking someone would actually choose me. I mean, why would anyone want to be with me? Rachel is right, no one would ever want to date me. I pull out my small mirror and stare at my reflection, noticing the small flaws that add up to be much bigger. I throw the mirror across the room and hear it shatter. I jump from the noise and a nurse rushes in.

"What in the world is going on?" The nurse questions, and my breath gets caught from embarrassment.

"I- I'm sorry. I just, got angry."

"Well you certainly don't have to throw things over it..." She folds her arms and looks at me.

"You're right, I am sorry..." Tears well up in my eyes and they slip down my cheeks.

"What happened?"

"There is something wrong with me, isn't there? I cannot believe that I thought that a guy like Julian would like me." She moves toward the bed and grabs my hands and places them in her cold ones.

"Honey, look at me," I look up and meet her blue eyes ,"There is nothing wrong with you, and if anything... That boy knows you are far too good for him. Trust me, that boy looks at you like you're something special."

"Why does he treat me so terrible then?" I know it's silly to ask, she doesn't even know him.

"I know that you probably don't want to hear this, but I don't know exactly why. But I do know that guys are a bit weird this time in their lives, they are unsure of themselves, and want to keep their 'coolness'. Something like that." She smiles and I sniffed.

"I am sorry about the mess, I can clean it up. It really isn't your job to clean up things like that."

"No no, it is fine. You just get some rest." I nod my head and she adjusts my bed to where it is almost flat and hands me the remote for the bed.

"Thank you." I give her a small smile and cover my shoulder with the blanket and shut my eyes: drifting off to sleep.

Julian's POV

I messed up big time. She must hate me now; why would I say something like that? It just fell out, it really wasn't my fault. I know that it is though. I wish I could redo it all, I watch the elevator doors open and head straight for the doors.

Walking across the street, I become more and more angry at myself. How could I do something so hurtful towards her? She is better off hating me, I would only do something worse in the future. That is what I do things, I destroy whatever I connect with.

I climb a tall hill with thoughts roaring in my head and sit once I get to the top.

She should have understood me though, I said I was sorry. Everything in me knows that I wouldn't have been so reluctant to forgive either. I cannot believe that I just ruined my chances with her, I just want to lay here and die... Well, maybe that's a little too far, but it was such a dumb mistake. I lay on my back and stare up at the clouds and think of her.

She is just so beautiful, how could I mess up like that? I cannot believe myself, I should've just kept my mouth shut. The worst thing about it is that there isn't a thing wrong with her; yeah, she may be a little uptight, but that is what makes her... Her. Her smartness is adorable, and her eyes, her smile, her hair, small hands, and those perfect lips. I let a big grunt fall from my lips and cover my face.

What is wrong with me? I groan, I need to relax. I would've never been this caught up in anything like this before I came here. My mom's expectations came to my mind and I can't help but feel how disappointed she would be of me. She wanted to me to grow into a good man, someone who would treat everyone with kindness and respect; why is it just so hard for me?

I need to fix this with Ashley...

And I have just the right idea on how to do exactly that. 

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