The Nightmares Sing

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AUTHORS NOTE: Thank you guys for being patience with me! I know I've been so confusing on stories, but this story I have a feeling it's going to be a lot better! Thanks Everlark_Katniss

Katniss' POV

I see life a different way then others. Sad, lonely, empty, and scary. I can't see it any other way. Ever since the 74th games, I have NEVER been the same. How can I when everything has disappeared from my reach. So I think I have a right to see life a different way.

Speaking of life, I haven't had much if it. For two years, I've sat on this old, smelly, disgusting couch in the same old, smelly, disgusting clothes. Looking as depressed as ever. Crying out of the blue. And throwing crap everywhere. No one visits me. Haymitch, I think, has drank himself to death by now. Effie , I know, obviously doesn't want to see me. I've been a wreck, and who can blame her. And everyone else is..... dead. So this is my life. Like I said, it's not much. I just want life to end. I want my old life back. I want my family. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to.... DIE! I wouldn't be in this mess if Effie hadn't just picked two different slips. So technically, this is all Effie's fault.

I need to remember what life was like before any of this happened... Umm... Gale and the woods. No! Gale is my enemy. Umm.... Rue and her songs. No! Rue is dead. Umm.... Prim and her goat. No! Prim is...... GONE ! SHE'S DEAD! If only I could have pulled her out in time. I'm a terrible sister. In fact I'm a terrible PERSON! I don't deserve to live in this dreadful world. I ache and ache and it won't stop. This pain builds up inside of me and tortures me. And it doesn't end at night either.

At night, that's when the real pain begins. Nightmares about the games, and deaths replay in my head like a broken record. I can't stop it. My nightmares control me. It's like they sing to me in a way. The nightmares sing. They sing and sing and won't shut up. I wake up every night with a nightmare and can't fall back asleep. I've always wondered how people sleep. How peacefully they must sleep now that the war is done. I want to trade a body with someone for one night and sleep peacefully. One night is all I ask.

What do I do? I lost it all and can't gain it back. I have a small dark and empty hole in my heart that tells me I must die for what I've done. But the rest tells me something will get better. But there must have been a reason that hole was created. So.... What do I do?

I can't think of that hole right now. I have to listen to my head and right now, my head is telling me to scream and cry.

I break down onto the ground and cry. I hold my head and scream, just like in the 75th games. When I was separated from Peeta and the Mockingjays surrounded me with their terrible screams. I wanted to let go so badly. But I had things to live for then. Now I don't have things to live for. I want life to take me! But it obviously won't happen. Unless I kill myself. But I broke all my sharp items so that's not going to happen.

I can't continue! I'm weak and powerless. I haven't ate in three days and that's not helping me. I literally look like a walking skeleton. What has life become for me now?

I get up off the floor, not letting my hands off my head. I sit on the couch, rocking myself back and forth. Singing the meadow song. It, I guess, calms me.

Am I going crazy? Because I feel like I am. Singing to myself and looking like a zombie. But worse. I guess it could be worse. Oh wait.... IT CAN'T! I've gone through a living hell and it just continues. I'M SORRY!!! AHHHHHH!

I can't control myself anymore. All of this... These.... Feelings control me. Kill me. Torture me. I CAN'T HANDEL IT ANYMORE!

I want to give up. Leave this awful place people call a safe haven. Well news flash... IT'S NOT!

I then lay on the dirty couch. I feel Buttercup, Prim's cat, lay beside me. I fall asleep.

I see screaming and crying coming from Rue and Prim. They're too young to get hurt! "Don't touch them!" I scream constantly. I try and run toward them. It's useless. I'm trapped.

I scream awake. Scaring myself. Not Rue and not Prim. I miss them.

I miss Rue and how she asked me about the love between Peeta and I. How I buried her in flowers in the games. How she taught me the Mockingjay whistle. How she knew she could trust me.

I miss Prim. My little duck. I miss how she would always count on me to keep her alive. How all she could do is nurse the animals I shot in the woods.

But she is gone. And so is Rue. And so is Finnick, Mags, Boggs, father, Cinna, mother and everyone else I loved.

All those deaths I could have stopped if I were to just die in the arena like I was supposed to. But no. I had to pull out those berries and create an act of a rebellion. Stupid Katniss. All I wanted to do was to keep Prim alive and Peeta safe in the arena. But it all lead up to this. Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire, who won two Hunger Games, who survived a war and a bullet wound. Who is now rocking herself back and forth to remind herself everything will be ok. But I'm wrong. Nothing will be ok anymore.

Why can't I just.... DIE!?

AUTHORS NOTE: First chapter! Hope you enjoyed ! Thanks for reading! Everlark_Katniss