Wildest Dreams (Dean x Reader)

CHAPTER 10

Talking about your lives while you ate dinner with Dean freaking Winchester seemed surreal. Even if he was telling stories about hunting monsters, what felt unreal was the fact that he right in front of you. It felt as if no time had spent since the last time you saw each other, and this was just a typical Tuesday night in your relationship.

"Movie and cuddling?" he suggested after helping you with the dishes, and for a second, it surprised you how comfortable having him around felt. 

Both of you headed to the couch and between laughs and more than friendly smirks, you started to watch the movie; a movie Dean surely paid no attention to. He was busy looking at you, admiring you even. You had grown up to become this incredibly smart, independent and strong woman; not like he had any doubts about that happening but getting the chance to see it for himself, it was completely different. He was so damn proud of you.

"Stop looking at me like that!" you chuckled, punching his shoulder playfully as his gaze landed on you a little longer.

"You know," he started, a small cocky smirk appearing on his face, "I happen to be a really good pillow. If your back still hurts from yesterday, you can rest here" he signaled you his chest. 

"Is that so? Well, I guess I'll just ditch the pain-killers next time, and call you instead". 

He laughed, genuinely, brightly, purely. That smile that could easily light the room if you let it. He opened his arm for you to rest your head on his chest, and almost as if you were seventeen all over again, the butterflies were back. The heat radiating from his body made it way too hard for you to focus on what was going on on the screen. You sprawled out right up against him as he wrapped his arm around your waist, his hand resting gently on your upper thigh. 


There was electricity in the air, and as scary and overwhelming as it was the idea of getting burned with it, you didn't want to escape. Not now, not tonight. 

The way his arm brushed your shoulder whenever he reached for the popcorn, the way your name fitted so perfectly on his lips, how this felt extraordinary right. 



"You were sort of that guy back when we met, remember?", you chuckled as the main character of the movie was changing girls as if he was changing his shirt.



"No way," he scoffed, jokingly acting as if he was offended, "I might have fooled around a lot, but I had eyes for only one; this guy just loves himself." You blushed, because there was no way on Earth he wasn't talking about you and the way he said it, so naturally.


"You did?" your voice came off softer, the joke was long gone in your mind now, and it was your heart doing the talking now.



"You know I still do," his eyes met yours, and it was one of those moments in which it feels like the world stops orbiting, just to take a good look at the two of you. His hand found your cheek, softly running his thumb over your skin that only seemed to turn in different shades of cherry red. "(Y/N)...," his forest green eyes lingered a second longer than usual on your mouth, then they went back to your eyes. "Can I kiss you now?".



So you kissed him back, hard, and passionately, and lovingly, and it felt as if all your pieces were finally mending. You were like a force, two magnets that are bound to attract each other, no matter how much distance you put between them. 



The kiss deepened as you made your way to the bedroom and layers of clothing began leaving a trail over the hardwood floor. The warmth of his body was enough to send you over the roof, but it was his loving gentleness that did the trick. He was so lovely, so caring, always making sure you were okay; that you weren't in pain, even though, he was just as beaten up as you were.



As you both climbed out of your highs, Dean laid beside you tucking your hair behind your ear and kissing your forehead as your breathing was slowly steading itself again. He pulled you into him, your leg over his hip, both tangled in each other. And for a moment, you swore you could stay in this bliss forever.

"I love you, Dean Winchester," the words escaped your lips without giving it a second thought, without caring the impact it may have on him. Tonight was all about being reckless; it was all about feeling alive.

He kissed your head again, snaking his arms around you and pulling closer to him as if it was humanly possible. And said nothing but, at the same time, he said everything.

•••

It was still somewhat dark when you opened your eyes, the blueish light entering through your window awaken you. And as your brain regained full conscious again, an unexpected feeling of contentment invaded you. You turned around, to wrap your arms around Dean but wasn't by your side anymore. And his things weren't in sight either. 

As you walked over to the living-room in attempts to find him, you met eyes with him just when he was about to walk out the door.

"Dean?", your voice was soft, slightly in shock as your eyes ran up and down and noticed his bag was over his shoulder and the car keys were in his hand. He turned around to look at you with shame in his eyes, and you knew that shame all too well. "You— are you— are you leaving me... again?", you asked walking towards him with your arms crossed; the morning cold did nothing to your skin compared to how Dean was acting right now.

"(Y/N)... I can't..." he started to explain himself, but you cut him off with a scoff. It was too damn good to be true.

"You know what? Leave. Go ahead and leave. It's not like I haven't been through this before". After last night, after everything, you couldn't believe he was retracing his steps. "By the way, who even does that? Why would you stay and make love to me knowing all along you were going to bail? What the hell did I ever do to you to deserve this?".

His jaw tightened and his fists were clenched, but his eyes were tingling in water. You were right, you were right about everything and he knew that. And a part of him wished he could have stopped, but then he remembered it was him that kissed you first.

"Don't do that. Don't be mad at me" he replied softly, looking down at his feet.

"What?" a small laugh escaped your lips as tears ran freely down your face, "you can't ask me that. You can't just break someone's heart and then ask them not be mad at you. It doesn't work that way, Dean".

"You don't understand. I'm protecting you. Do you know how hard my life is?" he exclaimed with a sad look in his eyes. "People around me die, (Y/N), they fucking die". He dropped the duffel bag on the floor and walked to you in desesperation, blinking the tears away. "What am I supposed to do if the next person that dies in my arms is you, huh? How am I supposed to live with that? I want you to be safe, I want you to be happy. Meet a guy, fall in love, get married. Have the life I can't give you. There's no life with me, you have to know that."

You pressed your lips together, taking everything in you to speak, to get your voice out but you were so broken, so hurt. Why did it have to be this way?

"Don't you think I tried? I tried to forget you, I tried to fall in love. Hell, I even got engaged to the guy", he widened his eyes, and a shot of unexpected jelousy invaded him because he hates the idea of someone else kissing you, and touching you. And loving you. "He found that picture of us hanging on the wall. That damn polaroid. And you know what the worst part is? In that instant, I think he just knew the wedding was never going to happen. Imagine that, huh? Being in love with someone who loves someone else".

He went silent for a while, his eyes not daring to look at you, he was too broken to say anything right now. "Look," you continued, your voice softer now, almost like a plea, "I'm aware of the risks and everything that comes with it but, honestly... it beats the hell out of not having you at all".

He approached to you after a few seconds, and while grabbing your face with his hands, he gave you the sweetest and purest kiss, like the one he gave you 15 years ago. And just like that, without saying a single word, he left again. The choice had been made.