Come Inside the Mind of Jack - Things That Annoy Me

Planes...

I do not travel often so when I do, I want to experience something other than annoying bastards that I encounter from day to day. I went on a plane a while ago and what I had experienced has scarred me for life! If you get to choose your seat make sure you choose an isolated seat. Thank goodness I don't go on planes often, here's why I dread those long flights!

1****

Entertainment... I'm not really sure if this is universal but the plane that I was on had the worst collection of entertainment ever! The movie playing was some Britney Spears movie and the music collection was almost as old as fossils... Well maybe not that old but all the albums were from the 90's... Why couldn't they go 10 years further back? It would've been awesome to be listening to AC/DC or Queen instead of N Sync and Backstreet Boys. The magazines were even worse! Some were a few years old. What's up with those magazines anyway? It's almost like twitter with all the useless information. Do I really care what Angelina Jolie was wearing at the mall? NO! Do I really care that John Mayer was playing tennis with his friends? NO! Do I really care how many push ups Arnold Schwarzenegger could do? Actually yes because he's pretty muscular. Only a few hours into the flight and I already want to jump out of the plane with no parachute on. Note to airlines... Update your things!

2*****

Talkers... Have you ever had to wake up extremely early to catch a plane somewhere? I sure have, so when I get on the plane all I want to do is sleep. After all the hassle of checking in the luggage and everything I thought that I could finally relax when I boarded the plane... how wrong was I?! I had to sit between 2 people. They were the worst 2 people to be sitting next to... That I can guarantee! I should have taken my seat assignment more seriously! The guy sitting closest to the aisle had the biggest mouth ever. He talked faster than any auctioneer I had ever heard and he never stopped! I thought that he was just trying to be nice but then half and hour later I'm still hearing his monotone voice! Kill me now! There I am half dead from exhaustion and there he was, talking away like he had just woken up from a coma. He kept talking about all his shares and stocks, I really had no clue what he was going on about so I just kept nodding with an occasional "oh" and "yeah, I know". Sometimes I would be daring and go for a slight fake laugh. That backfired on me though because In the next part he told me that his friend got locked up in prison. There I was with my idiotic method of communication... I fake laughed at what he told me because I kind of blanked out of the conversation a few hours ago. Oblivious to what I had just done I looked over at him. He seemed to take extreme offense as I could see his face turn from annoyingly fat to annoyingly angry. He then stopped talking to me altogether! That was the proudest moment of my life! So there you go! If you ever want people to stop talking to you then all you have to do is laugh at their misfortune! Brilliant idea... That kept the peace and quiet for only a couple of moments because of the other guy...

3****

Bathroom lover... This bastard is way worse than that talking guy. He needs to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes! What's his problem? Every 10 minutes I had to stand up and get out of my seat so that he could go to the bathroom. Then a few moments later I would have to do the exact same thing again so that he could re-enter... I offered to exchange seats with him since he loves getting up so much but he thought that I was trying to scam him out of his window seat... Why does he want the window seat so badly anyway? Is the sky really that interesting? Does he think that he will see unicorns prancing around on the clouds? I have a better idea, why don't I just push him out of the plane so that he could experience it first hand? Then I could finally get some peace and quiet! I fell asleep at one point during the flight, I was actually having a really pleasant dream but then I woke up... That bastard was trying to get out while I was asleep. His rear end was only a few inches away from my face. What a change in scenery... From a pleasant dream to a not so pleasant sight. If I wanted to see someone's rear end up close then I would be watching those rap music videos. You know how he could stop going to the bathroom so much? If he ordered less drinks from the stewardess! If he loves the bathroom so much I should just put laxatives in his drink. That'll stop him from coming back. He'll be in the bathroom forever and I will finally be able to drift off to dream land!

Thanks for reading this far! Please vote and comment, it really means a lot to me! I'm not really sure if I should continue on with this because I don't really think that it's funny. I should change the category from humour to non-fiction.