The Journal [boyxboy]

The Journal {5}

                Well, it finally got through to Damien. He called me freaking out and screaming about how he couldn’t believe I was actually gay. What an idiot. This is why I told Callahan first. Damien overreacts more than Callahan.

                Still, I’m starting to get really annoyed. Amanda keeps slutting all over Francis. Yea, I kind of overreacted to her today. But it certainly made lunch more interesting, and made me and Francis even closer.

                We were sitting at our lunch table, just like always. The twins were arguing with me and Francis over which movie scarier (I still say Scream, by the way).

                Just a casual movie argument. We have them all the time. Callahan and a now calmed down Damien were saying that-

                “-It is a way scarier movie!”

                “It is more of a comedy. If you’re actually afraid of that movie, than you’re babies,” Frank said, rolling his eyes.

                “Dude, I’ve been scared of clowns ever since I saw It,” Callahan said and Damien nodded in agreement.

                “Scream is way scarier, at least psychologically,” I said.

                “You guys are crazy,” the twins grumbled.

                “Francis.”

                Frank’s face twisted into an expression of complete disgust. His body tensed, and he didn’t bother turning around.

                “Leave me alone Amanda,” he growled.

                Amanda, standing directly behind Frank, grinned and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Turn around Francis.”

                “If I turn around, then I have to see you, and I don’t want that,” he said flatly. “Leave me alone. I’m gay. I’m never going to sleep with you, you dumb slut.”

                She let out a cackle that had me wincing and resisting the urge to cover my ears. Her hand slid down Frank’s shoulder until she was gripping his arm.

                “Oh Francis. You’ll want me some day,” she promised with a wink.

                “As a punching bag, yes,” Frank said with a nod.

                Amanda moved closer to Frank, leaning down so that her breasts were pressed against his back. Her lips brushed against his neck, and I watched as he clenched his fists tightly.

                “Just come over afterschool Francis. We can talk,” she whispered.

                It was stupid of me. Of course it was stupid of me. I knew it was stupid of me.

                And yet I found myself picturing Francis going over to Amanda’s house afterschool. Francis, who was so close to being mine, kissing her. Realizing that did want her. That maybe he wanted to experiment, or maybe he wasn’t strictly gay.

                Then he would become her Francis instead of my Francis. The images raced through my mind at breakneck speed, with sickening clarity. I had opened myself up to my friends, kissed Francis, and steadily been growing closer to him. How could I risk all of that to a dumb slut like her?