Love Him, Love Him Too

Chapter 2

I couldn’t sleep. I kept having these nightmares where my name was no longer Tori. Everyone kept calling me Ally. No matter how many times I told people that my sister was no longer here, no one knew what I was talking about. They kept telling me that I, Tori, was the one who died. It made me confuse about who I was as an individual.

I lay there not being able to sleep at all. I remember some nights when Ally and I couldn’t sleep, especially on summer nights when it was too hot to sleep, and we would just stay up half of the night talking. I wish Ally was here. I really need someone to talk to. Sure I could talk to someone else, but I rather talk to Ally.

I didn’t want to get out of bed by the time the sun came up. I wanted to lie here and never leave this room again. Nothing mattered anymore without Ally.

I walked into the kitchen expecting to be the only one up, but I wasn’t. Lisa was awake, sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. She was such an early bird. She greeted me but I didn’t bother to greet her back. I headed over to the cupboard to pour my own bowl of cereal.

“I see you changed your hair,” she said. “You look good, Tori.”

“Thanks,” I answered and then sat down at the table across from her.

I looked down at my bowl and ate my Special K without making any eye contact with my cousin. I knew she was watching me and I really hated her staring at me. I don’t even know why she was doing it.

“Mom and Dad want you to come back with us to the States,” she said. “They reckon it would be good for you and it could take your mind off Ally.”

I wasn’t sure how going to Malibu with them would help me get over Ally’s death and I really didn’t like to be reminded about her. Besides, I really don’t think going there is going to help me at all. Although my uncle and aunt lived far from the beach, Lisa was a typical California girl always going to the beach whenever she could. She loved the beach and even does surfing herself. Going to the beach is something I can’t stand to visit right now. I haven’t even visit the beach since the attack. And surfing is another thing I don’t want to be reminded of.

To tell you the truth I don’t ever want to see the ocean again. I hate the ocean. I hate sharks and I hate surfing. Those three took away my sister’s life. What did Ally ever do to deserve this to happen to her?

I quickly finished my breakfast and then dumped it into the sink.

“We could even have surfing competitions with my friends if you like.”

I turned to Lisa, frowning at her. I wanted to pound her in the face for saying that to me. Was she serious about going surfing? Doesn’t she realise that I have just lost my twin sister and there is no way in hell that I could ever go surfing again?

Lisa saw my face and realise her mistake for even mentioning the word surfing. “Tori, I’m sorry.”

I wanted to scream at her, but I didn’t. Tears started filling my eyes. In my mind I could hear Ally screaming as the shark attack her. I would kill Lisa for mentioning that horrible word. I don’t even want to be reminded about surfing ever again. I don’t even want to do it anymore. And going to the Malibu area with my uncle and aunt is something that won’t be good at all. No doubt I will break down as soon as I see the ocean. What is my family trying to do to me? I’m not Bethany Hamilton who was willing to get back on her board even after a shark took her arm. And even though I wasn’t attack by the shark, I was afraid the shark would return for me.

Mum walked into the kitchen, greeting us both. I quickly pushed past her and walked outside to the backyard before she and Lisa could see the tears in my eyes. They probably already saw them but I didn’t want them to see them. I walked out over to the swing set and sat there, letting the tears roll down my cheeks.