But its Gonna be my Year

Chapter 1

Jacks P.O.V.

I walk into the bus after the show, tonight was great the crowd was crazy. I walk onto the bus to already see my band lying on the sofa watching the T.V. I decide to go do something else, Alex broke up with me 3 years ago and I still can't be in the same room as him without feeling horrible. I still remember what he said. he said it would be better for the band, for the fans and for everyone. even being in the same room as him breaks my heart cause I don't know if I can ever stop loving him. I hate the feeling that he can forget about me so quickly and he is on my mind all the time. Now he seems like doesn't even remember 'us' when we were together. how much he helped me, I think he liked me then but I can never be sure. he said he would never stop loving me but it makes me feel like shit when I feel he hates the fact we were together. if I ever bring it up he will instantly change the subject, or he will say he has something else to do. he doesn't even like hanging around with me anymore, I'm too pathetic.

I walk into the bathroom of our bus and lock the door. I find my blades in the usual place and pull down my trousers to release from the pain I'm feeling . I hate my body so much, I hate myself too much. I want to go but I'm staying not for Alex anymore , for our fans . the ones who want to leave don't need me to help them. I'm trying to stay for them, but it's hard. I grab a tissue and dab the blood of the new scars which are part of a ever growing collection.

I unlock the door and walk to go sit in my bunk,I go past everyone , trying not to let them notice me but I failed....as always.

"hey why don't you come watch this with us?" Rian says and looks behind so he is looking directly at me.

"it's fine..I don't really like it" I mumble.

"yeah you do! come on jack! sit with the band for once...you spend all your time in your bunk." he laughs .

"fine then" the only seat left is next to Alex. great, I walk over and slouch over on the sofa and try to enjoy whatever the hell is on the TV . Alex is on the other side of the couch, I look at him, he's too involved in the programme. I really miss cuddling with him, he was the best person to cuddle but what do I know he was the only person I have ever cuddled with.

Shit. he saw me looking at him. I quickly turn my head so it's facing the TV , I here a chuckle in the background. yay he's laughing at me for being so stupid.

I get up and walk to my bunk, ignoring Rian . I don't want to sit there and look at Alex, he will never like me anyways . I spend way to much time up here just on my phone or something, or more usually thinking about how me and Alex used to be. I put my headphones in and close my eyes to try and to forget.

"Jack get the fuck down here." within 2 minutes I hear Zacks voice, nearly shouting from downstairs. I take out my headphones and jump down from my bunk, why would they disturb me ? lets just get this over and done with.

"Jack what the fuck are these" Zack has my blades in his hand. shit shit shit shit shit no no no no . Rian is right next to him and Alex is at sitting on the sofa so I can't see his face, probably trying to show how little he cares.

"Jack? are these yours or did some magical fairy come and place them in our bathroom?" Rians's speaks up.

"how did you find them?" I ask while walking towards Zack to try and get them back. he just moved them away from my reach.

"nope not giving them back ." Zack laughs a little

"shut up Zack. I whent to the bathroom and found them lying on the sink, not very good at clearing up are you?" his voice is deadly serious , I try and look away but there's no getting out of this one. damn it.

"I thought you had stopped" I hear a faint whisper from the voice on the sofa. "how could I be so" his voice rises "so fucking goddammend stupid " he takes his head out of his hands and stands up revealing his tear stained face and red eyes. "JACK YOU FUCKING STOPPED" the tears are rushing quickly down his face.

"Alex, that was 3 years ago." I look away and say so quietly barely I can hear it myself , but Alex heard it anyway.

Alex P.O.V.

how could I be so fucking stupid? I managed to try and force Jack out of my life when I broke up with him. why the fuck did I break up with him. I told myself at the time that the fans woundlt like it or some crap like this but I never thought about jack, nope that's just me . the shitty lead singer who only cares about himself and now jack has been fucking cutting for 3 years, all because of me, what have a done . this is all my fault, I'm fucking out of order.

"Jack...I-I-I didn't mean to...I just thought..." I don't know how to finish that sentance, I just though that I was only thinking about myself again. Yeah that's it.

"you didn't think what Alex? that I wouldn't be fucking hurt" he looks up to look me in the eyes and takes a step closer. "That maybe I would go back to old ways because yeah I know i fucking promised you but do you remember what you fucking promised me , do ya?" I say nothing , not knowing what to say. a tear rolls down Jacks cheek . "THAT YOU WOULD NEVER STOP FUCKING LOVING ME. " shit shit shit shit. "haha ya know what? I have realised that over the passed 3 years you have given less of a fuck about me and I have been giving more of a fuck about you. " I take a hand and try and wipe some of the tears of jacks face but he just backs away. "I wish you never fucking came into my life" he turns and leaves for his bunk, but his words leave a burn on me . they all begin to soak in as a realise what I have caused Jack. I have never stopped loving him really , I just didn't let myself like him at all. I couldn't let myself.

"so wait....you guys used to date or what?" Zack is the first one to break the silence.

"I was the boyfriend he had when you kissed him Zack. I was the one writing to him all the time" I look over at him. his expression changes quickly .

"your letters were so sweet wow!" he says looking at me in awe.

"Yeah well."

"I only really saw you guys together at prom, that's was it really" Rian looks over at me.

"yeah. we were secret most of the time. " I look at my feet to try and remember how much I loved Jack and how much of that love I still feel.

I think I like Jack again.

I think I love Jack again.

~~~~~~

okay so xD I gave in I couldn't stop writing . so this is a sequel to 'Maybe it's not my weekend' but yay ! Idk it's up. :3